I wrote a long blog post about this in another forum, on another site, and I wanted to shorten it here.
Basically, about a toxic family member- my dad to be specific.
Was labelled as narcissistic by my therapist, when I described the behaviour.
And I'm afraid sociopathic (or traits of) as well.
I'm an adult now in a good profession, married, no kids.
My dad:
-authoritarian
-controlling
-gas lighting
-demeaning in private, ignoring us or not talking to us in public (can also happen in private)
Basically, to keep it short, in an outing to celebrate my dad's birthday he insulted me,
my husband's mom (to the point of tears on her part), and upset everybody.
My family has been putting up with his behaviour for years (because he's "family after all").
I'm a 31-year old, and basically have been delaying having children,
for the fear that my dad would become over involved in our lives again, overbearing,
and cause the misery that his mother (same character) has in our lives/and to my mom.
So it's either cut him off completely-but my husband does not believe he is all that bad even after what happend (who can).
I've given him many chances, offered help, but he explicitly stated over and over he "doesn't need/want help", and will not change.
He's admitted to depression but I'm sure there is more on board.
It's taboo to talk to anyone that your own family member (even if people have heard of others), is like this.
But I'm tired of covering up for his own bad behaviour. he was nice to me once (when he needed support for a surgery),
so I know he has a choice, and chooses to say and do whatever the heck he wants, even if it causes pain and misery,
he's explicitly said that.
any advice on this dilemma, as it's causing a lot of anxiety and depression. I would move away, but my
husband does not support this, and wants to move closer to our parents (his parents are loving and supporting btw-our
parents actually live close to one another so it's tricky)..and so I feel trapped...
Basically, about a toxic family member- my dad to be specific.
Was labelled as narcissistic by my therapist, when I described the behaviour.
And I'm afraid sociopathic (or traits of) as well.
I'm an adult now in a good profession, married, no kids.
My dad:
-authoritarian
-controlling
-gas lighting
-demeaning in private, ignoring us or not talking to us in public (can also happen in private)
Basically, to keep it short, in an outing to celebrate my dad's birthday he insulted me,
my husband's mom (to the point of tears on her part), and upset everybody.
My family has been putting up with his behaviour for years (because he's "family after all").
I'm a 31-year old, and basically have been delaying having children,
for the fear that my dad would become over involved in our lives again, overbearing,
and cause the misery that his mother (same character) has in our lives/and to my mom.
So it's either cut him off completely-but my husband does not believe he is all that bad even after what happend (who can).
I've given him many chances, offered help, but he explicitly stated over and over he "doesn't need/want help", and will not change.
He's admitted to depression but I'm sure there is more on board.
It's taboo to talk to anyone that your own family member (even if people have heard of others), is like this.
But I'm tired of covering up for his own bad behaviour. he was nice to me once (when he needed support for a surgery),
so I know he has a choice, and chooses to say and do whatever the heck he wants, even if it causes pain and misery,
he's explicitly said that.
any advice on this dilemma, as it's causing a lot of anxiety and depression. I would move away, but my
husband does not support this, and wants to move closer to our parents (his parents are loving and supporting btw-our
parents actually live close to one another so it's tricky)..and so I feel trapped...
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