What to do

[chrisbrenchub]

How do you deal with the personal attacks. The way she turned on me this time is unthinkable.
I'm not sure it has even it home yet.

[AJ]

Welcome to the forums Chrisbrenchub. I'm sorry to hear that 'she turned on you'. Personal attacks are so unfair.

[chrisbrenchub]

She left 8 days ago and i have not heard from her since. She is with her parents so I know she is safe. We have been through tough times before and she has ways wanted me around. She has done this to her parents in the past, but never to me. I'm not sure how to deal with this situation. She doesn't want anything from our house. Her parents have been getting her what she needs. We have been living together for 7 years. I am lost and I can't think. I have no answers. Do I just wait? Should I try to contact her?

[AJ]

Did she say anything before she left? It would be reasonable to request a time when you will be able to talk. Maybe she needs time away right now. Still, there are better ways to go about it. It's hard to know how long to wait. I'd follow your instincts on that one. It certainly wouldn't hurt to contact her and ask when she might be ready to talk. I don't know if this is ongoing, but perhaps a councellor could help.

[chrisbrenchub]

I have tried to contact her but she will not communicate with me. She was diagnosed with bipolar about 9 years ago. She is on meds and she had been doing very well. She is a professional and works a job that can be stressful. And in the past it has always been the stress that has triggered these episodes.
I having been reading a lot and i keep reading that you should continue on. How do you continue on when you have decided to live a life with another person. This is a very difficult situation.
Thank you for your help.

[AJ]

I think you're right, I don't think you can just carry on. It's not that simple. It's a life altering event when someone you have been living your life with leaves. I don't know where I'd begin. I think being apart would be hard, and just being in the house alone would be hard. Do you have any family or friends that could support you right now?

[leila63]

From my own experience, communication can be affected by whether the person is in a hypomanic, manic, or depressed phase. Personally, I have more experience with depression. I would just the phone ring and ring and not answer. (Pre call display days). I didn't want to talk to anyone because my withdrawal was either making them angry or else crazy worried. "Cleaning up" after a depression involves talking to all the people you have pushed away. Give her some time (might have to be a lot of time, an episode of major depression can run 3 - 4 months) and then let her know you are open to having contact with her. I know I am forever grateful for my family that after all these years have learned to roll with it and just be there when I'm feeling better. I can't say for sure what kind of situation u are dealing with but hanging around and just being there after the storm has passed is true friendship. Good luck to you.

[chrisbrenchub]

Thank you for the help. Last night was our first communication in 12 days. I know to some it may not seem like much but to me it felt like a year. We talked briefly and she explained she has been in a really bad place mentally and she is just starting to come out of it. She said we need to talk but that would be to stressful for her right now.
These past 2 weeks have been more emotional than I could ever of thought possible. I feel like I am stuck in a reoccurring nightmare. I have not been able to manage well this time. Im not sure what has happened over the past year and why I was so unprepared. Im going to talk to someone shortly and hopefully they can help me get straightened around. I feel that my emotions pushed her away and she couldnt deal with mine as well as hers. I feel I failed her this time by not being the strong one.
I thank you for taking the time to read and respond to my posts. They may not seem all that clear but Im not thinking clearly. Hopefully the answers I receive in the days to come can put come clarity back into my life as well as hers.
Thanks again.

[uni]

Welcome to the forum Chrisbrenchub. I don't know what to tell you about your situation, but I'm wondering how things have been since you posted...

[chrisbrenchub]

I finally heard from her last week and she said that our relationship is over. After almost 8years she called me on the phone. She doesnt want anything from our house. She said our finacial responsibilities can wait and we will deal with them later. Im left with our house and all of our possesions. I cant believe this is how our life together is ending. I have not seen her in 23 days so i have no idea what state she is in. She is living with a friend and her mother has told me she is still not well but i cant be sure. I am trying to move on and rebuild my life because I cant hold onto the hope that she may return
She had been worried since the first episode that i would run out on her and the relationship. I made a commitment to her that I would always be here and I would not run from her. I have been through some difficult times to say the least and I have always looked past the bad things to see the great person she is. Now im fighting feelings that I never really knew her at all.
Ive been to see a counselor and she thinks i may have compassion fatigue and may be suffereing from vicarious trauma. Im in the fire service and i face stressful situtaions regularly but this is a new level of stress and it has taken its toll on me. I am exhausted and I just want this all to be over so I can move on with my life. I have put my friends and family through so much and its just not fair. Its time for me to live my life and look after myself. I really did all I could.
I appreciate your responses and for taking the time to read my post. I wish you all the best.
Thanks you.

[uni]

I'm sorry to hear about how things have been going for you Chrisbrenchub. My heart goes out to you. There are no easy solutions when someone leaves us. I hope you will continue to post on the forum if you feel it helps .

[hurtsalot]

I know exactly how you feel. My husband just informed me that our marriage is over. I will definitely need some counselling to deal with all that has
happened for so long. If he doesn't get help, there is nothing I can do. I did the best I could to educate myself, but it still didn't help him realize that he
needs help. Hopefully he will one day. Until then, I have to focus on my daughter & myself.

I wish you all the best with your journey on letting go and moving on.

Hurtsalot