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My Mother and the Dr's Office

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    My Mother and the Dr's Office

    My apologies for what is about to be typed in a fit of distraction over here. My brain is spinning in circles like a bunch of flies trapped in a jar. The dog is howling her lungs out upstairs, and my kitchen light just burnt out. Here goes:

    About 5 years ago now, my mother began to get forgetful. Three years ago she was forced to quit her job because she couldn’t remember how to do important things. At that time she went to her GP, who dismissed it as a byproduct of menopause, and told her to get a grip. This time last year, I tried to get an appointment with the same doctor with some of my own brain related issues, and was couldn’t even get the receptionist to listen. Three weeks later I wound up in psyc emerg. (but that is that… and not really part of this story.)

    Last spring I began to get very worried about my mother. She was forgetting how to spell simple words, forgetting how to do simple tasks, and frequently repeating the same question 6 times in the space of an hour. I tried to talk to her, but she just got angry. Next I tried talking to her sister. Aunt X insisted that she was “getting so much better “and warned me “never to cry wolf”. My grandmother was adamant that “it will all just blow over.” My family comes from a place where mental health is a taboo topic, and if they just don’t acknowledge something it really can’t exist.

    So last December I girded my loins and sat down to write a two page letter to the aforementioned doctor. I stated everything that she forgets, misplaces, and repeats. I worried I would make him mad. I worried I would look like a fool. I worried I would shame my family and ruin the relationship I have with my mother. I just plain worried. I took a breath and set it to his office. Then I spent several afternoons slowly convincing mother to let me book her an appointment. We called the office, booked her in, and then waited the 8 weeks until the date.

    This morning I washed my hair, pulled on my dress pants and drove mum to her appointment. The doctor pretty much took one look at her, scheduled her for a CT scan and referred her to see a local neurologist. He said he was really glad we came in. My mother is indignant about needing help. The family is tisk tisking all over the place. I am exhausted.

    So after all of that, my question is this: Is anybody else here dealing with a similar situation of having to help a loved one through a mental health situation? My peer group around here are all fixated with dating and clubbing. I am in the middle of my own mental health situation, and now I have to figure out my mother’s diagnosis too. I really don’t resent my lot. It would just be really nice to know there are others out there living with the same thing! Thank you so much.

    Love and Hugs!
    It would be silly to let go...
    - Capt. Irving Johnson

    #2
    Hello Bilge Gnome. It sounds like you've had a lot going on, and not just today. My heart goes out to you and your mother. It's no wonder you're exhausted.

    I admire you for taking the bull by the horns among what sounds like denial by those around you. It sounds like you did your mom a favour, given the doctor's reaction, even if she doesn't think so right now. The truth has a way of coming out sooner or later, and thanks to you your mom will have a chance to get treatment sooner. Because I've never dealt with the same type of situation I don't have much in the way of suggestions. I am glad you posted about it, and I hope you'll let us know how things unfold. How is your spinning brain making out?
    uni

    ~ it's always worth it ~

    Comment


      #3
      Hello Bilge Gnome. Dealing with families and parents illnesses can be tough especially when the rest of the family won't get on the same page as you.

      I've been through it several times and I'm currently going through it again. I've found that all I can do is try to do what I think is right and then hope that I've erred on the side of caution. Better to look like a fool than to mourn an early loss that could have been prevented. Also I don't expect any thanks or gratitude from relatives when it turns out that I was right.

      In regards to doctors, I've always found that they listen better when they have something written down. I have a good relationship with all of my doctors, but I still sometimes write things down and give it to them. I would suggest that you write something down for the neurologist as well. Your G.P. may have made only the briefest of notes in his referral.

      In regards to ruining your relationship with your mother, that is possible, but if she does need some kind of treatment and doesn't get it, chances are your relationship will deteriorate anyways.

      You're in a tough spot, but feel free to use the forum to vent out a few of those frustrations. Venting might not change anything, but I have found it good for my inner peace. Take Care. paul m
      "Alone we can do so little;
      Together we can do so much"
      Helen Keller

      Comment


        #4
        Hi Bilge Gnome. You sure have a lot on your plate. Good for you for being persistent about your Mother's care. She may not appreciate it right now but being her advocate, as much energy as it takes, is very kind and compassionate of you.

        As Paul said, feel free to come here and be however you need to be.
        AJ

        Humans punish themselves endlessly
        for not being what they believe they should be.
        -Don Miguel Ruiz-

        Comment


          #5
          Well, can't say I've been through the same struggle, but I can relate.

          First of all, I'll risk a guess and suggest you seek out a local Alzheimer's support group. Of course, this is a great place to rant and that can be very beneficial.

          Several years back when my in-laws were still alive, my wife noticed there was something odd about their driving habits. My mother in law had always been a persistent back seat driver. It was quite annoying considering she had never held a drivers license, but my father in law put up with it like a saint. Now, it was becoming apparent that he was relying on this information just to drive. My wife raised the alarm, but her siblings downplayed it. His driving meant their mobility and they did not want to take that away. Finally a doctor's visit discovered he was nearly blind from glaucoma. They knew this, but were covering it up. Thank goodness this was caught before someone died!

          Relating to your story, sometimes friends, family, and even your doctor may not acknowledge an illness. I think you made some valid observations and certainly are not crying wolf. My father in law was in decline and after losing his mobility, he developed Alzheimer's symptoms which sound very much like what you described.

          Best wishes your way Bilge Gnome. Carry on!

          Comment


            #6
            Thank you all for the kind and friendly replies and suggestions!

            Uni: I can imagine that spinning brains are a more common occurrence than possible dementia around here Mine will always be spinning in one way or another. Thank you for your concern! I am hoping that chatting to people will be a better form of distraction than another self-destructive habit I am trying to quit right now! You sound like a completely lovely person.

            Paul m: Thank you for the suggestion to give the neurologist notes. It can never hurt to have a second avenue of communication… especially with doctors who are pressed for time. I agree with you about not expecting thanks from said family members… mine can be that way sometimes too. So be it

            Fighting Back: Wow! What a story about your in-laws. I agree that driving can be a major concern when people get elderly. My neighbour finally lost her licence when she drove through her own garage door without remembering to open it first. Like you said… the probability of somebody dying is way too real. Your idea of an Alzheimer’s group is probably a good one. I’ve been secretly going through symptom checklists from the Alzeimer’s Society, and Mother has SO many of them…. Of course I am no doctor, but I really wouldn’t be surprised at this point.
            It would be silly to let go...
            - Capt. Irving Johnson

            Comment


              #7
              It is the end of a very long weekend, and I am dreading the arrival of morning. I spent both days with my very confused Mother, and things are looking pretty grim. She came to me Saturday morning all frantic because she had discovered a strange cardboard box full of books inside her car. One glance at said box assured me it was the same box that had previously sat in the hallway of her house waiting to go to good will. The books, and the box were both hers… and she had obviously carried it into the car herself… only to have completely forgotten having done so. She also had no recognition of the books inside, many of which she had owned for several decades. I don’t need a PhD to know this is not NORMAL behavior.

              Then we got in the car, and she insisted on driving. 10min down the road she came within a hairs breadth of smashing head on into another vehicle because she randomly signaled “left” while driving straight through an intersection. At the next intersection, she turned left without signaling at all. When we finally pulled into her driveway, I exhaled clear down to my toes. I spent all day today simultaneously trying to study for exams, sort out her income tax, and answer her repeated questions of what I was going to eat for supper. I love my mum… I really do… but right now I feel like I am tipping over the edge.

              So, over the next three days I have to go to work, finish an assignment for school, sit in the psychiatrist’s office and try to convince her NOT to give me more medication because the stuff I am taking is suddenly not covered by pharmacare, accompany my mum to an appointment with her family doctor… and a CT scan for her head… and somewhere in the middle of it all race off to write final exams which I haven’t properly studied for. I don’t know what to say. Something’s gotta give.
              It would be silly to let go...
              - Capt. Irving Johnson

              Comment


                #8
                Bilge Gnome. I don't have any answers, but I can have some sympathy for you and wish you good luck. You've got a tough stetch in front of you. Good Luck with it.

                I'm not sure who was covering your medication, but sometimes when a medication has been covered and then suddenly isn't, it's because a generic (and much cheaper ) substitute has became available. You can ask your pharmacist if this is what has happened . You can also ask you doctor what else they might prescribe that is covered. Take Care. paul m
                "Alone we can do so little;
                Together we can do so much"
                Helen Keller

                Comment


                  #9
                  Hi paul m, Thank you for your kind reply. I have only now gotten a change to log back on and read it Yeah... my medication was covered my the provincial health care plan (we probably live in different provinces) but they changed it come budget time April 1st. So be it. I am already on the generic form, so at least it IS much cheaper!
                  It would be silly to let go...
                  - Capt. Irving Johnson

                  Comment

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