Can someone please help me help my daughter

[Prariegirl]

Hello, I am new to this forum and desperate to find some help for my daughter. She is 31 years old and her life has been a rollercoaster of severe mood swings and failed relationships since she was 15 years old. She has threatned to kill herself so many times in the space of 16 years I have lost count. She is unable to hold a job, the longest being 6 months and that is only because she worked for me and I covered for her chronic mood swings the best I could. I am convinced that she has a mood disorder and have done a lot of research on it. I have repeatedly tried to get her to go and see someone and at least talk to them but when I mention it to her she retaliates and gets very nasty with me. She is extremely sensitive to other people (always thinking they are talking about her) I walk on eggshells when I'm around her as I am always watching what I say and how I say it. She now has two children ages 6 and 10 and I worry constantly about their welfare as when she gets in her depressed moods she keeps them home from school. Last year my grandchildren missed 63 days of school. Is there anywhere in Edmonton, Alberta that I can find some support to get my daughter assessed at least. I know I can't force her to go but there must be something I can do. I love her and my grandchildren very much but love can't fix this and I have grown very weary.

[Woody]

Hi Prarie Girl and welcome

At the age of 31, if your daughter does not want to cooperate and get assessed, there is not much you can really do. There are legal avenues that available to you, but never mind walking on eggshells, thats taking the sledgehammer to them. This is very tough love.

Here is the link for The Support Network and here is there phone number (780) 482-0198. They should be able to help you. There is also the CMHA They might not be able to help you directly, but they can get you in touch with resources in your community.

Hope this helps

[Bunny]

Hi Prariegirl,

I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. That sounds awful for you and her both.

Unfortunately I can't give any advice on how to get your daughter the help she needs. I guess I am lucky that my Mom was diagnosed early in my life (~3), but from what I have gathered it seems like she had a pretty severe breakdown before she got the help she needed (ie. several stays at the pshyc ward and a suicide attempt).

About the kids -- It was hardest for me when my mom was depressed, because I felt like I should be able to make her feel better, but never could. When my mom was manic, which wasn't often, those were my favourie times because she had lots of energy. I didn't really have anyone to talk to about my mom (ie. bipolar was a taboo subject for our family at the time). As much as you maybe can't interfere too much without really negatively affecting your relationship with your daughter, it may help to talk to the kids, and make sure they know that their mom's moods are not their fault, and that her sadness is beyond their control. When I was a kid, I just couldn't understand why my mom would rather sleep than play with me... or why my poem/drawing/craft gifts wouldn't cheer her up. So I think something as simple as reassurance for them on that subject would help them.


About the missed school -- is someone else available to take the kids to school when your daughter is not feeling well?

Good luck. I am new to this forum too and I think you will find the people here are amazing with advice and support.

[AJ]

Hi Praire Girl and welcome. Nice to have you join us.

[paul m]

Hello PraireGirl and welcome. I agree with the others that their is no way that you can force treatment. Even when a person is forced into treatment they usualy just fake it. But now is the time for some force on behalf of the kids.

I would talk to a lawyer for sake of the kids. 63 days is a lot of days, when at most there are only 180 days in a yr. By the time they reach high school it will be impossible for them to catch up.

Ontario and Alberta have a community treatment act, where a Dr( not a judge) can order specific things done by a person. A lawyer and not me is best to advise on this. ( alberta's act was just past so you may have to tell the lawyer about it). I would imagine that the school board and Childrens aid may also have to get involved to manage the affairs. Take Care. paul m

[uni]

Welcome Prairiegirl!

[leila63]

Hi Prairie Girl and welcome to the Forum.

I live in Edmonton as well.

I'm not sure from your post how far your daughter's moods swing. To get her admitted to a hospital (if she agreed), she'd have to be in an acute episode I would think.

One suggestion is that perhaps her GP could refer her to a psychiatrist but I hear that the waiting period to get in to see someone is quite long. The other suggestion is that there is a walk-in clinic at the University of Alberta Hospital that could refer her to a day hospital program that lasts 16 weeks. It is group therapy focused on family of origin issues approached thru drama, art, and sharing feelings. Your daughter would also be under the care of a psychiatrist at the time. I took it and I found it quite helpful but it really wasn't until I got my medications in order that I really found any measure of stability.

Good luck to you. I have an illness true but I've also been in your situation as well trying to get help for a family member that didn't see that she needed help.

[gtchamp]

Dear Prariegirl. I am deeply touched by your message. I am a 40 year bipolar mother of 2 who is medicated and watched by a team of doctors and support people. I feel your anguish. My mother recently put boundries on our relationship as she could no longer hear me when I was down (she suffers from depression). It just cycles us both around. She made if very clear when she could be there for me and when she couldn't. It was hard at first but things are better now. I don't have any answers for you but I do hope your daughter gets help. I will keep you in my thoughts. Take care.

[gtchamp]

Hello Bunny....I just want to thank you. You just answered some major issues I have been having with my 8 year old little girl. She doesn't understand my illness even though I have tried to explain it to her. And just like you explained about your mother, she says I sleep all the time and at times can bring me crafts and probably to cheer to me up. Now I know why. I was just starting to think that things were a bit deeper and that maybe she needed some counselling where she could discuss me because she won't talk to me but I think you have kinda confirmed it for me. Thank you.

[AJ]

Welcome to the forums gtchamp.

[paul m]

Hello Gtchamp and welcome. CMHA used to have a brochure called "Can I catch it like a cold" I cannot find it now, but it used to deal with how young children tend to view most illness alike, with uncertainy.

CMHA does have a section on how to deal with children in a wide variety of situations. For interest, you may want to go to www.cmha.ca , in the upper left is Your Mental Health, go to there then go to Children's mental health, then go to Children and self esteem. It does not deal with your exact situation, but it does provide some insight about how children think. As a parent I realize that it would be pretty tough to do everything in the article, even without a mood disorder.

I am not saying that counselling is bad, by the way, and you are to be commended for your efforts. Take Care, paul m

[gtchamp]

Hello Gtchamp and welcome. CMHA used to have a brochure called "Can I catch it like a cold" I cannot find it now, but it used to deal with how young children tend to view most illness alike, with uncertainy.

CMHA does have a section on how to deal with children in a wide variety of situations. For interest, you may want to go to www.cmha.ca , in the upper left is Your Mental Health, go to there then go to Children's mental health, then go to Children and self esteem. It does not deal with your exact situation, but it does provide some insight about how children think. As a parent I realize that it would be pretty tough to do everything in the article, even without a mood disorder.

I am not saying that counselling is bad, by the way, and you are to be commended for your efforts. Take Care, paul m

Thank you Paul M. I read the article and it seems my husband and I are doing things pretty good. However, if I am hypomanic or depressed and he (my husband) is not around, unfortunately, the children can get away with more. It confuses me at times because I don't even realize it until after and the damage is done and we are then fixing things up. Oh well, we will work through it. I am sure it will get easier each time and thankfully I have a strong partner who helps me. PS. I have requested for material to be sent my way to explain my illness to my kids. Thanks.

[paul m]

Hello Gtchamp. Thx for the thx. I would also like to say that I hope you will continue posting whether it be to ask questions, answer someone else's question or simply to vent (which we all need to do at times). By forming collectives like this forum we all get to learn and hopefully progress in our fight against a tough illness. I know it helps me to know that I am not alone in my struggles.

I can no longer work , so every time I get to answer a question, I feel a little bit more usefull in this world. So when people allow me to answer a question, they are doing me a favour and I appreciate it.

In regards to raising our kids, all we can do try our best and hope that it works out. My two are 25 and 27 and good kids, but I still worry about the decisons they make. Take Care. paul m

[Woody]

Hi Gtchamp and welcome.

Here is are a few links with different approaches. CANH and Ezine. The CANH is more child talk and the Ezine is a more direct approach. For myself, in the past I used the second for various situation. Children can really surprise you with there responses. How old are you children?

[gtchamp]

Hi Gtchamp and welcome.

Here is are a few links with different approaches. CANH and Ezine. The CANH is more child talk and the Ezine is a more direct approach. For myself, in the past I used the second for various situation. Children can really surprise you with there responses. How old are you children?

Hey Woody. You people are so wonderful at making me feel welcome. Thanks so much. My children are 12 and 8. Both girls. I can't remember if I told this before but I am 40 and was diagnosed right after the birth of my second child. I have been hospitilized once which my oldest remembers but my youngest doesn't. Recently though, I had a fairly large swing. It scared the girls and hence why I am seeking all this help. My girls are in a mess and I am trying to get better via meds while dealing with their emotional termoil. On top of it, I am sick physically. I think because I over did it when I was a bit hypomanic. You know. I need to rest but it is hard when they are demanding my every attention. (Big sigh here) I'm going to sign off cause I really don't know what else to say today. Thanks for listening.