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    Need Support

    I am new to this forum so I hope I'm posting this in the right place.
    I am just reaching out for someone to talk to that i hope understands.
    I have a 24yr old son with bipolar. Anxiety & Adhd. I also have a 21yr son who suffers with anxiety. They both live at home. I moved to Canada from the UK 8yrs ago & 3 yrs ago my husband left me. He is not my boys real father but he was to them. He left very suddenly & it was a complete shock to me & my boys. He has nothing to do with them now & has cut himself off completely. He was very unsupportive with my son's bi-polar but it hurt them anyway. He left for another woman. My family are all in the UK so I deal with this on a daily basis alone now. It is the loneliest scariest feeling. I find myself suffering with anxiety since then worrying constantly over my boys & that I am doing something wrong. I live in a small village an hour from the city. My son sees a new psychiatrist now who specialises in bi-polar. He is on 5 diffrent meds & it terrifys me. He dosnt take them properly & self medicates so he runs out half way through the month.The 1st few days he dosnt even know what day of the week it is. His moods are irrational so I'm always walking on egg shells. My other 21yr old son tries to help but his anxiety flares up too. Then my older one offers him meds to help!! I am terrified he will take something. This weekend I have not left the couch. I wouldn't even go to bed cos he forgets what meds he's taken (he's so doped up) then accuses my younger one of stealing them!! He has been up now for nearly 3 days with no sleep! All I do is cry. I am frightened to leave the house & constantly anxious at work cos I'm not home. I think he needs to go intake for a few weeks so they can get him stabilised on his meds cos he dosnt take them correctly but i don't even know how that works in Saskatchewan. I am going to see if he will let me go into his psychiatric appointment with him next month & maybe ask but I don't know if he will let me. This week was his 3rd appointment with his new psychiatrist & I went in for half the appointment. I am so lost with this all & so lonely with it. I speak to my mum daily but she is in the UK & my Dad died a few years back so I don't like her worrying about me but of course she does. It's a viscous circle!
    It's winter so in the minus 20s & 30s here (hypothermia weather) & my boys have nobody but me! Their father has nothing to do with them & he has nowhere else to go. I feel so lost & helpless. I could never put him on the streets. I love my son so much & I know he hates feeling like this but to him it's like he's the only one it effects & nobody understands & he dosnt help himself sometimes cos he always thinks he knows best!!! It drives me crazy & scares me to death. I also feel guilty cos it plays havoc with my 21yr old & his anxiety cos he's always trying to prevent the constant arguing between me & my bi-polar son usually over his meds!! I would just love someone to talk to that actually understands what I am going through & ive been trying to find a relevant forum as a parent.
    Reading this forum at least makes me feel less alone in this. Although I was married to the boys real father for 13yrs bi-polar was not really heard of then & as he believed there was nothing wrong with him I assumed he was just abusive & an alcoholic like his own Dad. It is only in the last few years as my boys have been diagnosed that the past has made sense to me as I now know this was past down through the male gene.
    I have no family history of mental illness so this is all so new & scary to me especially doing it alone.
    Im sorry if i droned on too much & thankyou for listening. It feeks good just typing it out & sharing.
    My son has now finally just passed out asleep. If he runs to form he will now sleep for about 16 hours!!!
    Hopefully I will sleep tonight now x

    #2
    Hello Debbs and welcome. First you have NOT droned on for too long, sometimes it takes a while to get story out. I can't say how good anything that I say will be, but I can assure you that you are not alone. While I have bipolar, so does my son and for many yrs he was not well stabilized and I didn't seem to get sleep during those yrs. My wife got very little sleep for many yrs as first I was unstable and then our son, so I've seen the ill effects that the illness can bring to loved ones. You have my sympathies.

    Speaking for myself, until I got the proper meds and the right dosage, my moods and temperament were all over the board. Taking 5 meds isn't unusual, but I found it important to take them properly. Sometimes it is hard to do that and I always had to divide mine up by time of day and day of week.

    In regards to medication and taking it at the proper time or forgetting to take it. Just about any pharmacy will blister pack medications. For example if I was supposed to take 5 pills of 3 different meds on Tuesday morning followed by 2 pills of 1 medication at lunch , followed by 6 pills of 4 medications at night , then the pharmacy would pack them that way and I would just punch out the blister labelled for the appropriate time of day . I could tell at a glance how many meds that I had taken that day. Most pharmacies only charge a very small amount for providing that service and some will do it for free if you buy enough meds there and plead poverty. (it's surprising how few doctors recommend using this type of service)

    In regards to your son feeling all alone and like nobody understands him, I've felt that way many times. In fact sometimes I don't understand why I do things myself or why my son does things. While we are both fairly stable now, there are still times when we both have difficulty staying stable.

    Part of treating bipolar is for a person to learn a lot about the illness itself. In order for me to get better I had to learn a lot and be my own advocate , no matter how much the doctor knew. Part of the problem is trying to get my point across to the doc and to tell him/her how the different meds affected me. I also had to learn what triggered my various mood swings and how things like sleep, diet, exercise and a host of other things affected my moods. So it can be a lot for everyone involved to learn.

    Please feel free to ask more questions and or use the forum to vent out some of your frustrations. Believe me you are not alone in dealing with the problems of having a loved one who has bipolar and appears to be going no where. Take Care. paul m
    Last edited by paul m; January 7th, 2018, 12:59 AM.
    "Alone we can do so little;
    Together we can do so much"
    Helen Keller

    Comment


      #3
      Hi Debbs and welcome to the forums. I have moved your post in Help For Families, so that you can have your own topic for this discussion.

      Being a family member of someone with a mental illness can be very difficult on many fronts. As a mother it must be especially hard. As worried as you are about your sons, I hope that you can find a way to take care of yourself in all this.

      Paul has made some good suggestions. Having the pharmacy blister pack medications can be quite helpful, and in some cases, life saving.

      Take care.

      AJ

      Humans punish themselves endlessly
      for not being what they believe they should be.
      -Don Miguel Ruiz-

      Comment


        #4
        Thankyou.

        Thankyou Paul for your words, it's nice just to hear that I'm not alone!!! I guess I know that but it dosnt stop me feeling alone.
        I think my son when he sees his psychiatrist ( usually monthly) & gets his new prescription he deliberately takes too much cos it makes him feel better & that is when he is awake & like a zombie for 3 days. Then he regrets it cos he feels like crap & runs out of half his tablets for the rest of the month!!! To make matters worse he dosnt even remember taking them once he has started on that 3 day rollercoaster & then blames my 21yr old for taking them.
        I worry constantly that my younger son will as he suffers with anxiety & my older son offers them when he is out of It!! This has happened once before, He took one if my older sons tablets that was offered & then came to me having a panic attack cos he has done it. My older one was oblivious to it all. He promised me he would never take any of the tablets again but I am so scared he will. I know I have to trust him on that but with everything else going on I am terrified of that too.
        When my ex-husband left me 3yrs ago to cover up the fact that he had been having an affair I obviously had no idea about he blamed his leaving on me & the boys. Said I didn't change my faults to make him happy & that the reason my boys are so screwed up is cos of me & my bad parenting. I found out 4wks later about the other woman. He told me all this on a New Yesrs eve whilst on holiday in Cuba that I had planned as our Christmas present. When we returned 5 days later he left & I have not seen him since. I am now divorced & he has absolutely no contact with my boys which they don't understand & to be honest nor do I. I know they are better off without that kind of thinking but they have no male role model in their life & my brother is in the UK.
        They have now lost both Dads. Their real Dad & their step-dad of 13yrs.
        The point of this story is that I often wonder if i could of done anything differnt? My boys are a mess & my husband left me. I know this bi-polar gene came from their real Dad who I left when they were very little but I wonder if I could of done anything different bringing them up??
        I know nobody is perfect but i am honest & loving & so so loyal & I honestly don't know what I have done wrong. I have never spoilt my kids & I like to think I brought them up very grounded.
        I just don't know what the hell went wrong

        Comment


          #5
          Hello Debb. You mention that you wonder if you could have done something different bring your children up. We could all have done that, but probably the way you raised them had little to do with either of them getting bipolar. I have 4 brothers and a sister and we all grew up in the same harsh environment , yet I was the only one to come down with bipolar and even then I was diagnosed and held jobs until I was into my 40"s. I have two sons and only one has bipolar and unlike his father he was hospitalized in his early 20's. Neither one of my parents have bipolar either, although and uncle does and only one of my seven cousins has any sort of mood disorder and it's not bipolar.

          Nobody knows why some people develop bipolar and some don't, so don't feel guilty about how they were raised. In regards to the bipolar gene, while it is true that people often can trace bipolar back to an ancestor, it's not always possible. Like colon or breast cancer, having an ancestor increases the chance of developing bipolar,but it's by no means a sure thing. (like colon of breast cancer a direct genetic relative increase the odds, but it not a sure thing)

          To give you some hope , I think my son was hospitalized six times before he got better. He know holds down a full time job and has a wife and two children. He still struggles at times, but he leads a full life, so don't give up hope on your sons getting better in the future. Take Care. paul m
          "Alone we can do so little;
          Together we can do so much"
          Helen Keller

          Comment


            #6
            Thankyou Paul. That is so reassuring to hear. The thought of them leading a regular life would be like winning the lottery to me!!! Lol
            Hearing that gives me hope. So good to know x

            Comment


              #7
              Hi Debbs,

              Thank you for sharing your story. So sorry to hear you are struggling with such difficult issues at the moment. Your love for your sons resonates clearly in your writing.

              Take care,
              Kaight

              Comment


                #8
                Thankyou Kaight

                Comment


                  #9
                  Wow am I having a crappy day! Sometimes its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel
                  Feeling very lonely with it all today!

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for you.
                    AJ

                    Humans punish themselves endlessly
                    for not being what they believe they should be.
                    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Hi Debbs,

                      Loneliness can be very consuming.
                      I hope that the light is a little brighter today.

                      Take care,
                      Kaight

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Thankyou! Every day is a new day

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Hi Debbs

                          I came across this forum after a particularly dark day and I found your post about your struggkes with your son.
                          I am having very similar problems.
                          Im a Mom of 4 in Ontario Canada. I have a son 24 with bipolar snd possibke schizophrenia. A son 22 with autism. A son 20 with adhd. And a daughter 9 with autism.
                          Its as overwhelming as it sounds and all are living at home.
                          Alright my 24 yr old son has some serious mental health issues conpounded with drug addiction. Its been a nightmare. He abuses anything he can get hos hands on including abusing his own meds and taking too much then runnng out and feeling sick etc. We have to lock all of our own pres riptions, cold meds, pain killers ..really anything because he will abuse them.
                          He was accepted to a program for mental health and concurrent disorders/addiction.
                          He was going inpatient 5 days and home on weekends.
                          I was so hopeful!
                          He came home this past weekend and was using drugs again. He went back on monday to program and they decided to remove him from the program as he is sick and they need to focus on his mental health issues first. So they moved him into the mood disorder wing of the hospital. They are doing tests and a full psyche evaluation. I guess thats good maybe can finally pinpoint what disorders he actually has going on.
                          im just feeling so much despair and hopelessness. So unbelievably sad. There is no one aside from my husband to talk to. People neither care nor seem to understand its just been a nightmare.
                          i have no idea whats happening now if they are going to keep him or send him home to us and thats it. Everything is now up in the air and i have to wait for him to call me again and try and get more info. So frustrating.
                          i don't know if you will get this message but i just wanted to reach out to another parent who maybe knows what im going through to some degree. I wonder how things are for you and your boys now. Would love to chat ty for reading.
                          Carrie

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Welcome to the forums CarrieJ73. After reading your post I was thinking that 'overwhelming' probably doesn't begin to describe how difficult all this must be for you and your family. I don't have any kids so I'll let those who do respond to your post further. I just wanted to welcome you and share my initial thought after reading your post.
                            AJ

                            Humans punish themselves endlessly
                            for not being what they believe they should be.
                            -Don Miguel Ruiz-

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Thank you AJ, I really appreciate it. It has been a tough time for sure. Praying my son gets the help needs, we are at a loss

                              Comment

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