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  • #16
    Hi Carrie.
    I have only just come across this response. I am sorry I didn't see it sooner.
    I am wondering how your son got on and how he is doing now? It is such a lonely job sometimes as a parent in this situation & it's reassuring to know that there are others out there that understand.
    I have had a rough few weeks which i am struggling to shake off. Feeling very low. My oldest moved out a while ago & lives nearly 2 hours away. I am really struggling to switch off. I seem to spend my life worrying about what will happen next which I know is wrong but a hard habit to break. My younger son is still at home & does better when my oldest is not around but he is still dealing with his deppression & anxiety! He hasn't figured hu s life out yet!!!
    My oldest is constantly on the phone with all his s drama. This week i told him he can't ring me with every little thing & I love him & I'm there for him but he us putting me in the ground. I'm living on a knife edge!!
    I want him to sort his shit out & not just keep leaning on me. I want him to be happy. Also on top of that i gave guilt because I don't want him to move home either. I would have him home before seeing him on the street but he hates it here where I live (small village) & brings my life crashing down when he is home & my other son.
    I so badly just want him to be happy but I have come to realise he is the only one that can make that happen.
    I stopped making his appointments & picking up & paying for his meds too so it's up to him now. He will be 25 in November & has to take responsibility.
    BUT it's so hard! I am so lonely & sometimes I feel my shoulders are getting very heavy. I have no partner & not looking for one, my family is in the UK & my friends here don't really understand.
    I hope you see this & things are going better for you. I am sorry I never saw this sooner. I retreated into myself for a while & now trying to rebuild myself! Lol
    Debbs

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    • #17
      I didnít read all the repljes Debbs because I got excited we live in the same province!! Have you ever phoned his dr and told him tbst your son is not taking his meds properly? That he abuses them to the point of being out of it? Maybe the dr can do something about it.

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      • #18
        Hello
        im not sure how to navigate the forums. I'm struggling, my family life is suffering and I'm at the point of hopelessness . I'm at a therapeutic does of epival now but when I encounter stress I get so overwhelmed.

        How can I use these forums to talk with others

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        • #19
          Hi Rover and welcome to the forum. You may find the help section a good place to start for learning how to navigate the forums.

          https://mdsc.ca/forum/help

          The forums are not set up as a chat room. You can post topics and reply to others. You can also send and receive private messages if you allow it in your settings.

          Activity on the forums vary. There is a lot of useful information on the forums and links to even more.

          Youll find us to be a friendlly supportive bunch. I did a move this summer and am still digging my way out of the boxes.
          AJ

          Humans punish themselves endlessly
          for not being what they believe they should be.
          -Don Miguel Ruiz-

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          • #20
            Hi 13dreams,
            I actually went in to one of his appointments which my son allowed. That was about 6 months ago just before he moved out. As he is 24 he has to invite me in & I didn't say why I wanted to go in. My son wasn't too impressed when I sat there & said that I dont think he takes his meds properly! There then followed a discussion between my son & his phychiatrist & basically the doctor changed his meds around a bit & my son still refused counseling so I dont think I acheived anything!!! That phychiatrist is retiring due to ill health & recommended 2 in the area my son now lives but I don't know if he has followed it up or not. In August I told him that I was no longer sorting out his appointments or picking up his meds as he needs to take responsibility himself. We have not discussed his doctor or his meds since! Sometimes I am very tempted to ask but I won't as I do not want to get back on that rollercoaster!! It worries me all the time but I dont ask!! He now lives with his girlfriend & there is another rollercoaster. He was ringing me everytime they argued but I put a stop to that after about a month & told him I did not want to live in their relationship! He gave up where he lived to move in with her & now i constantly worry if they break up where will he go? I live with a knot in my stomach & am trying to teach myself to detatch a little but it's hard. He will be 25 next month & I have no control over his life I just have to figure out a way of not letting it control me!!
            Some days are easier than others!!! When i dont hear from him i start to relax but after a few days I go into worry mode cos I I havnt heard from him!! Lol.
            I don't know what the answers are anymore so I take it day by day!!! I always worry more in the winter too cos of the weather!!
            Sometimes I think it's just become a habit to worry!!!! Part of my daily routine.....
            How's things your end?? x

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            • #21
              Hi Rover.
              When you say your family life is suffering are you referring to yourself, a partner or children?
              Is it your family life that's causing the stress & anxiety or is it other issues?
              It took me a while to figure out this forum too. Lol
              I was a bit disappointed at first cos I expected faster responses but it's more a help forum than a chat forum. I've got used to that now & It still helps me though just knowing I am not alone with my problems & I can talk with people that understand.
              I hope it helps you too x

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              • #22
                Hi Debbs!
                we have some similarities in our situations I think. My sonís dr retired but never handed over his care to another dr. I had to push my son to go to our family dr for a new referral. He went but, of course, wasnít happy with him. He has another apooment with him later in the month. Weíll see if he goes or not. In the meantime he has become extremely reclusive, not leaving the house hardly at all. He needs a haircut but is not doing anythkng about it.
                the doctors should definitely be in contact with us. We are the primary caregivers for our mentally ill children and can give beneficial information that may help in the treatment of our kids. You know what his dr said to me when I finally called him because my son was really acting up (due to losing his dr which I had no idea about)? He said why am I only hearing about this behaviour now? You canít win no matter what you do it seems. Went so far as telling me he had been treating him for the wrong thing for the past two years. Unbelievable!!

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                • #23
                  Hey 13dreams,
                  Yes you are right sometimes it feels like we cant do wrong for right & yes i think we have very similar situations. They are adults I know & have to take responsibility but it's so hard to watch! My son wasn't diagnosed properly for over 3 years & now 3yrs on from being diagnosed & 2 psychiatrist later I'm not sure how far we've come!
                  My son used to live like a hermit too for a long time & i never knew what mood he would be in from day to day & when he was on a real low the mood in my home was like a morgue! It's very hard to live with so the fact that he hasn't lived at home for the last 6 months I guess is a positive step for both of us.
                  It just doesn't always feel like that cos I cant turn off the worry or get rid of the knot in my stomach.
                  I seem to live on a knife edge waiting for the next drama but like i have said before I think that is partly my fault too. It has become such a habit to feel like this & it's hard to break the habit!
                  I think what we need to try & do is take each day as it comes so that when we/they have better days we can enjoy them a little more rather than focusing on the next bad day! At least then we can catch our breath for our own sanity!! I know that's easier said than done but thats what I'm focusing on right now.
                  Some days it works & other days I just want to curl up & cry!
                  I have realised that as hard as it is I cannot fix this as it is not my problem to fix. He has to fix it!!!
                  Of course I am a Mum so i just wish my maternal instincts would take on that information too!!!
                  Hopefully your sons next appointment will go better x


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                  • #24
                    I hope so too Debbs but maybe I really shouldnít care. I have my own life to think about. How does your son afford his place? Does he work? Mine does not, of course.

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                    • #25
                      When he was seeing his pychiatrist he said he was not stable enough to work & at the moment couldn't hold down a job! So he gets benefits & is now on the disability program too.
                      What a crappy day I've had today. This morning out of nowhere I get a message from his girlfriend telling me my son needs phychiatriic help cos they were arguing all morning!. She has her own issues too. I messaged back saying what is it you expect me to do I'm at work nearly 2hrs away! She didn't even bother reading my reply & I have not heard a word from my son!!
                      I spent the afternoon feeling sick & worried. I have now calmed myself down & reminded myself he is 25 next month & he will deal with whatever he needs.
                      However I have that horrible knot in my stomach that wont go away now. I wish I knew how to break this habit of anxiety over him.
                      Feeling very down tonight.

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                      • #26
                        Oh Debbs Iím sorry I know that disgusting feeling of worry especially when Iím at work and trying so hard to push the whole situation out of my head. Really though hopefully it will be worked out between them.

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                        • #27
                          Thanks hun. Yes it's really hard being at work trying to pretend everything is normal! It was a long day!
                          I have no idea what is happening or if they are even together! So long as he is safe and if he wasn't i would have heard I guess.
                          With my son its always no news is good news!!
                          I just get so tired of it all sometimes. Its emotionally exhausting which I know you understand x

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                          • #28
                            Another shitty day

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                            • #29
                              Just popping in to say welcome Rover.... have you had any luck in figuring the forum out?
                              uni

                              ~ it's always worth it ~

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