I am new to this forum so I hope I'm posting this in the right place.
I am just reaching out for someone to talk to that i hope understands.
I have a 24yr old son with bipolar. Anxiety & Adhd. I also have a 21yr son who suffers with anxiety. They both live at home. I moved to Canada from the UK 8yrs ago & 3 yrs ago my husband left me. He is not my boys real father but he was to them. He left very suddenly & it was a complete shock to me & my boys. He has nothing to do with them now & has cut himself off completely. He was very unsupportive with my son's bi-polar but it hurt them anyway. He left for another woman. My family are all in the UK so I deal with this on a daily basis alone now. It is the loneliest scariest feeling. I find myself suffering with anxiety since then worrying constantly over my boys & that I am doing something wrong. I live in a small village an hour from the city. My son sees a new psychiatrist now who specialises in bi-polar. He is on 5 diffrent meds & it terrifys me. He dosnt take them properly & self medicates so he runs out half way through the month.The 1st few days he dosnt even know what day of the week it is. His moods are irrational so I'm always walking on egg shells. My other 21yr old son tries to help but his anxiety flares up too. Then my older one offers him meds to help!! I am terrified he will take something. This weekend I have not left the couch. I wouldn't even go to bed cos he forgets what meds he's taken (he's so doped up) then accuses my younger one of stealing them!! He has been up now for nearly 3 days with no sleep! All I do is cry. I am frightened to leave the house & constantly anxious at work cos I'm not home. I think he needs to go intake for a few weeks so they can get him stabilised on his meds cos he dosnt take them correctly but i don't even know how that works in Saskatchewan. I am going to see if he will let me go into his psychiatric appointment with him next month & maybe ask but I don't know if he will let me. This week was his 3rd appointment with his new psychiatrist & I went in for half the appointment. I am so lost with this all & so lonely with it. I speak to my mum daily but she is in the UK & my Dad died a few years back so I don't like her worrying about me but of course she does. It's a viscous circle!
It's winter so in the minus 20s & 30s here (hypothermia weather) & my boys have nobody but me! Their father has nothing to do with them & he has nowhere else to go. I feel so lost & helpless. I could never put him on the streets. I love my son so much & I know he hates feeling like this but to him it's like he's the only one it effects & nobody understands & he dosnt help himself sometimes cos he always thinks he knows best!!! It drives me crazy & scares me to death. I also feel guilty cos it plays havoc with my 21yr old & his anxiety cos he's always trying to prevent the constant arguing between me & my bi-polar son usually over his meds!! I would just love someone to talk to that actually understands what I am going through & ive been trying to find a relevant forum as a parent.
Reading this forum at least makes me feel less alone in this. Although I was married to the boys real father for 13yrs bi-polar was not really heard of then & as he believed there was nothing wrong with him I assumed he was just abusive & an alcoholic like his own Dad. It is only in the last few years as my boys have been diagnosed that the past has made sense to me as I now know this was past down through the male gene.
I have no family history of mental illness so this is all so new & scary to me especially doing it alone.
Im sorry if i droned on too much & thankyou for listening. It feeks good just typing it out & sharing.
My son has now finally just passed out asleep. If he runs to form he will now sleep for about 16 hours!!!
Hopefully I will sleep tonight now x
I am just reaching out for someone to talk to that i hope understands.
I have a 24yr old son with bipolar. Anxiety & Adhd. I also have a 21yr son who suffers with anxiety. They both live at home. I moved to Canada from the UK 8yrs ago & 3 yrs ago my husband left me. He is not my boys real father but he was to them. He left very suddenly & it was a complete shock to me & my boys. He has nothing to do with them now & has cut himself off completely. He was very unsupportive with my son's bi-polar but it hurt them anyway. He left for another woman. My family are all in the UK so I deal with this on a daily basis alone now. It is the loneliest scariest feeling. I find myself suffering with anxiety since then worrying constantly over my boys & that I am doing something wrong. I live in a small village an hour from the city. My son sees a new psychiatrist now who specialises in bi-polar. He is on 5 diffrent meds & it terrifys me. He dosnt take them properly & self medicates so he runs out half way through the month.The 1st few days he dosnt even know what day of the week it is. His moods are irrational so I'm always walking on egg shells. My other 21yr old son tries to help but his anxiety flares up too. Then my older one offers him meds to help!! I am terrified he will take something. This weekend I have not left the couch. I wouldn't even go to bed cos he forgets what meds he's taken (he's so doped up) then accuses my younger one of stealing them!! He has been up now for nearly 3 days with no sleep! All I do is cry. I am frightened to leave the house & constantly anxious at work cos I'm not home. I think he needs to go intake for a few weeks so they can get him stabilised on his meds cos he dosnt take them correctly but i don't even know how that works in Saskatchewan. I am going to see if he will let me go into his psychiatric appointment with him next month & maybe ask but I don't know if he will let me. This week was his 3rd appointment with his new psychiatrist & I went in for half the appointment. I am so lost with this all & so lonely with it. I speak to my mum daily but she is in the UK & my Dad died a few years back so I don't like her worrying about me but of course she does. It's a viscous circle!
It's winter so in the minus 20s & 30s here (hypothermia weather) & my boys have nobody but me! Their father has nothing to do with them & he has nowhere else to go. I feel so lost & helpless. I could never put him on the streets. I love my son so much & I know he hates feeling like this but to him it's like he's the only one it effects & nobody understands & he dosnt help himself sometimes cos he always thinks he knows best!!! It drives me crazy & scares me to death. I also feel guilty cos it plays havoc with my 21yr old & his anxiety cos he's always trying to prevent the constant arguing between me & my bi-polar son usually over his meds!! I would just love someone to talk to that actually understands what I am going through & ive been trying to find a relevant forum as a parent.
Reading this forum at least makes me feel less alone in this. Although I was married to the boys real father for 13yrs bi-polar was not really heard of then & as he believed there was nothing wrong with him I assumed he was just abusive & an alcoholic like his own Dad. It is only in the last few years as my boys have been diagnosed that the past has made sense to me as I now know this was past down through the male gene.
I have no family history of mental illness so this is all so new & scary to me especially doing it alone.
Im sorry if i droned on too much & thankyou for listening. It feeks good just typing it out & sharing.
My son has now finally just passed out asleep. If he runs to form he will now sleep for about 16 hours!!!
Hopefully I will sleep tonight now x
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