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    I'm so tired.

    Hi. So i am just going to try to put this into words in the hope that expressing myself might help.
    I love my son so much but I am so emotionally exhausted. He moved out over 6 months ago but I still live in his life! Every argument with his girlfriend, every bad day he has he is on the phone! He calls me at work, at home, at night. I have told him & explained that he can't keep doing that & he apologises but as soon as something happens its like the bipolar takes over & he forgets everything we have talked about!!
    I have my Mum visiting for 2 weeks tomorrow & I am so excited to get to the airport yet here i am sat at my desk at work in tears.
    I don't know how to switch off. It's like my life in on a knife edge waiting for the next drama. I'm terrified they will end up splitting up & the effect it will have on him.
    I know i have no control over what happens & I know I can't fix everything but I wish I could just find a way to detatch myself from it all but still be there for him .
    I haven't slept properly or eaten now for 2 days. I just feel sick to the stomach & jump every time the phone goes. I am so tired.
    My Mum is here 2 weeks of the year and I don't want to miss enjoying that feeling like this. On top of which I hide a lot from her because I don't want her to worry about me cause I know she does which is also tiring.
    Feeling so lost & scared right now.

    #2
    That all sounds really stressful Debbs. I hope it will help to have your Mum staying with you for a while. I know my own mother worried a lot too, and I didn't tell her certain things. All the same, it was comforting somehow just to have her there.
    uni

    ~ it's always worth it ~

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      #3
      Sounds like a hellish existence, much like mine. You are so lucky to have your mom visiting you!!!! I think I would turn off my phone. Maybe that’s harsh but I would wonder if I am enabling him. I don’t know for sure.

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        #4
        Well my Mum is here & its awsome but I know it will hit me hard when she goes back. Yesterday I had my son on & off the phone all day being VERY demanding of my time while I was out with my Mum who is only over here twice a year!!!!
        It is such a selfish disease. I am there for him all the time & he still manages to effect my day out when im trying to have some quality time with my Mum who is not normally here!!! We even drove up Saturday to visit him & plan to go again this Saturday but apparently that's not enough!!!! I am so pissed off eith it all right now. Wen I didn't answer my phone he messaged my other son saying he needed to talk to me cos he was scared & he took too many pills! He did but not enough to do damage he self medicated as he has done before. I then spent an hour whilst out with my Mum listening to him tell me he dont care whether he lives or dies!! It's now kicked off again between him & his girlfriend of course cos he was high!
        My younger son at home was dealing with his messages and calls last night for me & will today! (That's not fair either) I am out with my Mum again today & I'm putting my phone in silent!!
        I feel like my time with her is being stolen from me & I'm so angry but upset, stressed & scared at the same time!
        I told him yesterday he needs to get some proper help but he shut me down!!!
        I am so bloody tired & resentful of it all. I feel like I have no life anymore & he dont even live at home.
        I finally found a support group for families of people with mental illness which I am attending in 2 weeks. I hope that helps me cos I am falling apart!!!

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          #5
          Where is the place that deals with caregivers? I am curious what they have to say.

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            #6
            It's in Saskatoon. It took me a long time to find it & eventually did through a referral. I will let you know how it goes after my first meet but I really like what I've heard so far!
            Its a huge thing for me to do this so i will let you know after x

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              #7
              That’s great! I hope they have some useful, practical ideas. What is the place called?

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                #8
                I really hope Debbs is able to benefit from that programme in Saskatoon. Good luck to you too, 13dreams, it is truly awful how these things can affect others. I don't think there is anything like Saskatoon's in Ontario, especially in our city. My son-in-law has terrible depression, the suicide watch kind, and he is unable to tap into psychological, psychotherapeutic, or psychiatric services here. Just the hospital emergency department. Being untreated like this, his depression is tearing his family apart, including parents and in-laws. Not to mention the financial stresses on us all! It would be so nice for us to just be able to talk to someone knowledgeable! Does anyone have any suggestions on how to best cope with this sort of dilemma? Our local self-help groups often seem to feature 4-5 members who tend to monopolise meetings with their troubles; hard to get a word in edgewise. Who to turn to?

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                  #9
                  Hi there.
                  Yes I do benefit from the group. It is just so nice to realise that you are not so alone with your problems & there are some that are a lot worse off. There is no judgment there only understanding.
                  It's a shame that you can't find one in your area. Living with someone in your life who has a mental illness can be such a lonely feeling as there are so many that have no understanding of it. There is still such a stigma but it is no different to any illness & can destroy families just the same!
                  Can i ask why he cant get any help with a doctor or phychiatrist? Is it difficult in Ontario? I don't know how things work there or how accessible help is for mental illness. Here it is sometimes a battle but we have it better than a lot of other places. For me the difficulty was finding support for the family members & friends but after a long search I found this group by recommendation.
                  It is a hard disease to watch & to live with because you cant fix it but ultimately I hope at some point my son will stabilise & live a happy life. In the meantime as family members all we can do is be there when we need to be and try to look after ourselves as we are no good to them if we make ourselves ill.
                  Easier said than than done though!! Lol

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Hi Lua! The rest is too hard to spell from memory, lol. I’m with Debbs on this. I don’t understand why he doesn’t have a doctor. Things aren’t too good with my son either right now. He has regressed since his doctor retired and I am not sure he has gone more than once to the new one.

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