So hard

[13dreams]

so, my son who is 25 (call him X), has a new dr. Has gone once for a 1/2 hour appointment and has another 1/2 appointment this week. Of courss X hates the dr already, is complaining that the dr wants him to take medication that he has tried in the past and it was unsuitable. X says he wants to go get another referral to a new dr. This takes several months and it is pretty useless since they all operate pretty much the same ie give out medications. The thing is x had a fantastic dr for about 2 years. The dr was a gp with a specialty in psychiatry or something. He would spend at least an hour with x each time. He gave a lot of useful advice but, of course, my son did none of it. Never tried anything he was too scared. The one good thing that this dr was able to accomplish was that x went to a daily program (maybe 3/5 days a week) since the dr retired he stopped going. On the one hand it makes my life easier since I don’t drop him off every morning and deal with his games of running late and listening to his negativity on my way to work.
I told him I don’t care whether he goes to the dr or not, it is his life to throw away as he wishes. He wants me to save him from the bad dr but I am done. I can’t save anyone not even myself. Besides I’m sure the dr is fine but I really don’t care. X has to figure things out for himself. Or not. I dream of the police coming and just taking him away. I have no idea what to do. I cannot afford a counselor of any sort for him besides they usually want to see a bit of action on the part of their patient and X won’t do anything although he can talk a convincing game. Also he won’t like any counselor there is a problem with everyone. My life is a frigging sad piece of crap. I also have a daughter (23) and she has a university degree and works. Off I go to face another day. Really, what is the point?

[Debbs]

I hear you hun I really do.
It's such a selfish disease. I am trying very hard not to lose myself too.
We can do this!!! xxxxxx

[paul m]

Hello 13 Dreams. Living with someone who has an untreated or improperly treated mental illness is very tough. I found with our son that there were times that you could talk with him and times when you were wasting your breath. My wife had the same problem with me, when I was manic or in mixed states, I either didn't listen or talked my way out of stuff. (usually by blaming someone else, like a doctor)(more or less I lied) Our son had the same problem. There was no talking sense to him unless he was half way stable. A lot of my problems was that until I got stabilized(we are talking years here) was that I was as confused as anyone. I was sure that everything couldn't be my fault and to tell the truth it wasn't all my fault the illness was what was the heart of the problem. However to my long suffering wife, she could only see my body doing the lying, being short tempered etc and not an illness. Our son also found that different docs didn't work out for him, but like your son, his youth lead him to believe that all docs were bad.

Our son finally agreed to seek treatment and go to a day program when we would no longer financially support him. Fortunately he never called our bluff, because we would never have let him become homeless.

My own experiences with doctors is that they all have a favorite medication, but that medication varies from doc to doc. I have also found that most pdocs will listen if you tell them that you tried something before and it didn't work. Not all the pdocs will do that but a lot will. My son and I take entirely different

The MDAO has a guide on helping someone with a mood disorder. https://www.mooddisorders.ca/guide/g...-mood-disorder. It doesn't have any magic cures, but it does have some hints that may be helpful. Good Luck and Take Care. paul m

[13dreams]

Thank you both for your comments. Paul I told x to tell the dr that he had tried the medication before and it wasn’t good. Not sure what the dr would say. If he doesn’t have a dr what happens with his medications? He got some from his gp but not sure how that will work if he actually rejects the dr.
Paul you are spot on with x not listening to me and talking over me, anything to not actually examine himself with honesty. So if he stabilizes then he would be more open you think? But I don’t know how that would happen. He has been taking medications for years and honestly I don’t see him getting better. He has been on many different ones. Sigh, I feel crappy about the whole situation. One counselor I saw a few years ago advised me to kick him out of my house. He has no friends, his dad would not be a good option (anger issues, gambling and substance addictions) however the police did take him there several years ago. X just shut down completely and after about a week I let him back home. So not sure if kicking him out would be the right thing to do plus police have to be involved since he refuses to leave.