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    My beautiful girlfriend suffers from severe anxiety and depression. We just came through a tough change in our life. We had to return her car and downgrade to a car with less options (well no options) and a manual transmission. She does not have the confidence to drive the car. We have gone out once and she did great but she does not want to try again. She now feels trapped and this I completely understand but now she is pushing me away. Blaming me for everything. Now that we have entered into the finance she has now given up on the car and me. I love her more than I could ever put into words or even show. I am scared that this silent disease is going to take the love of my life away from me. Any advice would be great. I don't like this feeling of helplessness.

    Thanks
    Derek

    #2
    Hi Derek and welcome to the forum. I drove a standard once, and swore I'd never drive another. I think I'd change my mind if the only other option was walking or transit.

    Trying something new that requires more focus and concentration can be scary, especially if you have anxiety and depression to deal with too. I would be frustrated and afraid of failure if I was trying to learn the new skill.

    Is the necessary return of her car a decision you both came to? Would it be possible to discuss another driving lesson when she is feeling more up to the challenge?

    I can tell from the way you write about your girlfriend that you care very deeply for her. I hope you can find a solution that works for your situation.
    AJ

    Humans punish themselves endlessly
    for not being what they believe they should be.
    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

    Comment


      #3
      Thanks for the reply AJ. As for the decision to return her car it's a bit complicated. Basically her abusive ex helped her lease the car but did not protect her for the overage on the mileage. So buying out the car was not an affordable option. This ex also financially ruined her. So her credit did not allow her to do anything other than pay out and return the car. It was her choice but ultimately there really was no choice.

      I know this has been really hard on her but it seems like no matter what I say or how much I listen she still despises me and the car.

      Comment


        #4
        Update...

        I get home after work to a distant and crying girlfriend. Also to be asked if she can stay until she finds a place to live. I don't want any of this. It burns me up inside. I hate feeling helpless in that I can't help her or fix this. I know that she pays a price to this silent disease and now I realize that I pay a price too. Feels like my wonderful life is coming to an end and nothing but sadness and dispare are in store for me. I can honestly say I hate anxiety and depression.

        Comment


          #5
          I'm sorry to hear the updated news D.Carr.

          It's hard to have a choice that feels like no choice, but I do remember the days of bike and bus. Perhaps when she works thru losing her car, she'll consider those options.

          Mental illness unfortunately does affect the whole family. I hate anxiety and depression too. I've been the person dealing with it, and the person dealing with others suffering thru it too.

          However all this unfolds, be gentle with yourself. It is hard to feel helpless, and even harder to be feeling helpless and hurt.

          AJ

          Humans punish themselves endlessly
          for not being what they believe they should be.
          -Don Miguel Ruiz-

          Comment


            #6
            So after l listened to her and what was going on. Things are ok. She had this wonderful thing she said to me and I think that this might help all who have a loved one who suffers from this silent disease.

            I'm not (your name), I am (your name) with anxiety. It's not he/she is so great. It is he/she is great and he/she has anxiety.

            When she told me this it helped alot with my understanding what she was going through.

            Comment


              #7
              Clarity is always a good thing. I'm glad things are ok.
              AJ

              Humans punish themselves endlessly
              for not being what they believe they should be.
              -Don Miguel Ruiz-

              Comment


                #8
                Thanks AJ. It's nice to have people to talk to when things get rough.
                Last edited by D.Carr; May 3rd, 2019, 06:35 AM.

                Comment


                  #9
                  You're welcome. I find it helpful to talk about it too.
                  AJ

                  Humans punish themselves endlessly
                  for not being what they believe they should be.
                  -Don Miguel Ruiz-

                  Comment

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