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    I don't know how much "Help for Families" this thread will be, but as a person with mental illness I sometimes need "Help with Families". In this case, the relationship with my boyfriend.

    My anxiety about life in general is spilling over into how I deal with others, and I don't like feeling stressed out over having a relationship that's actually going rather well, and yet I am. Having not been part of a couple for many years, and now being in a serious relationship, I sometimes fear I'm not a strong enough swimmer for these deeper waters, and start to panic .

    This past weekend I planned on bringing up a couple of things I was anxious about with my b/f. Imagine my surprise/relief when the topics sort of arose naturally out of our conversations, and lo and behold I calmly and honestly said how I felt. I didn't even get rejection or anger or pouting coming back at me, which is what would have happened with previous partners.

    However, we both felt some pretty uncomfortable emotions, and now I've got lingering anxiety - what's he thinking? how's he feeling? is our future in jeopardy? - etc etc. Rumination I think it's called.

    So that's it for now, but I'll likely post about it again because growing pains, although good in a way, are still painful. I had a tdoc appt today though, and it helped.
    uni

    ~ it's always worth it ~

    #2
    Hi Uni,
    I am glad to hear that you got to discuss some issues with your b/f over the weekend, and that the conversation came up naturally, it's so nice when it happens that way.

    I am struggling with anxiety also and it effects my relationships.

    I also do not feel like I am back to myself since my major episode in March, maybe i will not totally go back to my old self, maybe I will, who knows, only time will tell, but I am not the old Karen now, and I am not sure how to be the new person I am now, if that makes any sense...

    If I am not me, who am I? I'll have to get to know me again I guess.
    Take Care,
    Karen

    Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day, saying...
    "I will try again tomorrow."

    Comment


      #3
      I think communication is the biggest challenge in most if not all relationships. Good for you for being brave enough to put yourself out there Uni. It's a scary thing to share something of ourselves, and worry about how it may be received. It's hard to do. I struggle with it even though I know that without it, I'm building sandcastles that won't survive the tide coming in.

      If I am not me, who am I? I'll have to get to know me again I guess.
      Some days I can't even find the new me to get to know. Do you ever feel so disconnected from who you are (have been) that it feels like being introduced to a stranger Karen?
      AJ

      Humans punish themselves endlessly
      for not being what they believe they should be.
      -Don Miguel Ruiz-

      Comment


        #4
        Hello Uni. I agree with AJ. Communications is a constant problem in most relationships. Over thinking is another problem.

        Even after all these yrs my very normal spouse has a habit of over thinking some things and then not communicating her worries to me. I am the opposite. While I also can over think about problems, I don't know when to keep my mouth shut.

        We all have insecurities and it's a very fine line between caring about something and worrying about something.

        My own experience is I would rather know about my wife's concerns now rather later as long as an open frame of mind is kept. I have found that when either of us silently worries about a topic for a long time, when we do discuss it, it is with less than an open mind.

        We also sometimes find it better to have a partial discussion now and then agree to discuss an item further at a later date that we both agree on. That way we can give the subject more thought. However, both of us have to make sure that difficult topics don't just get put off or delayed by this tactic. Take Care. paul m
        "Alone we can do so little;
        Together we can do so much"
        Helen Keller

        Comment


          #5
          Originally posted by AJ View Post
          Do you ever feel so disconnected from who you are (have been) that it feels like being introduced to a stranger Karen?
          This is exactly how I feel. There are things about this stranger that I like and there are things about the old me that I miss...

          It is an odd feeling getting to know yourself again...There are alot of emotions tangled up with the process...I feel sad, scared and confused...

          All I can do is try to be patient and hope this new me still fits with my old relationships, that is what worries me the most...
          Take Care,
          Karen

          Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day, saying...
          "I will try again tomorrow."

          Comment


            #6
            Who ever told you to put this here should be shot! I added friends

            Ruminations ... yup that the buggers that keep me up at night!

            The fact that the subjects came up in normal conversation leaves me to think that it might not been as big of a problem or of a stumbling block. Ruminations by their nature tend to blow things up out of proportion. I know in most cases it does for me.

            Part of having a mood disorders is that there is this distortion of self. I am no good. I am not worthy. I do not deserve this or that. Thing is, we are as deserving as the person next to us.

            Uni you are deserving!



            Woody

            Comment


              #7
              I agree with you Woody...Uni you are deserving!

              Me on the other hand, I don't deserve nuttin' , or is that just my mood disorder talking
              Take Care,
              Karen

              Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day, saying...
              "I will try again tomorrow."

              Comment


                #8
                Karen that is without a doubt your mood disorder talking! So I'll make you a deal. If I'm willing to agree that I am deserving, then you agree that you are deserving. How about it?

                I feel tears coming when I read what you guys have posted here. I feel so understood .

                Woody, about the ruminations, oh dear I may being doing more of that than I had realized. Crap. But I'll make you a deal too. If you don't shoot me for bringing up the R-word then I won't shoot you for expanding on the subject .

                Now to defer some ruminations to a later time I will go concentrate on washing the comforter from my bed. It's huge and we'll see whether I can stuff it into the washer. Trying to avoid a trip to the laundromat. Now how the heck did I get onto that subject...
                uni

                ~ it's always worth it ~

                Comment


                  #9
                  Hello Karen. In regards to deserving nothing, that's ok, I deserve everything, so I'll take your share. Just kidding of course.

                  I understand what you mean. I tend to get down on myself too. But you are deserving of good things too. Take Care. paul m

                  Hello Uni. Of course your deserving. Most of the time you even deserve good things. The rest of the time you deserve great thingsTake Care. paul m
                  "Alone we can do so little;
                  Together we can do so much"
                  Helen Keller

                  Comment


                    #10
                    I think with all the rumination that I have done, I should get a master degree if not a doctorate

                    I would never shoot someone for bringing up the R word as it is a subject that keeps coming back over and over by nature of itself
                    Woody

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Originally posted by paul m View Post
                      Hello Karen. In regards to deserving nothing, that's ok, I deserve everything, so I'll take your share.
                      Is that Pauls God Complex coming out ...

                      We just got back from camping and I certainly ate more than I deserved over the weekend
                      Take Care,
                      Karen

                      Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day, saying...
                      "I will try again tomorrow."

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Hello Karen. Nope, I wasn't thinking I was God. Several of us have a rotating schedule set up and we take turns being God. I think the next full moon is my turn.

                        Now on a full time basis I do think that I am very deserving. Many other people also think that I am very deserving. Unfortunately they think sort of like" I hope that SOB gets everything he deserves".

                        I'm glad you seem to have enjoyed your camping. Take Care. paul m

                        P.S. for any newcomers, sometimes I feel that I have to either laugh or cry about my illness, I prefer to try and laugh.
                        "Alone we can do so little;
                        Together we can do so much"
                        Helen Keller

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Originally posted by paul m View Post
                          Many other people also think that I am very deserving. Unfortunately they think sort of like" I hope that SOB gets everything he deserves".
                          P.S. for any newcomers, sometimes I feel that I have to either laugh or cry about my illness, I prefer to try and laugh.
                          You certainly make me laugh, thanks Paul, somedays it's the only laugh I have
                          Take Care,
                          Karen

                          Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day, saying...
                          "I will try again tomorrow."

                          Comment

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