The die is cast .. or maybe not..
It doesn't matter at all now ..
I'm sure this is going to be another lonely Christmas holiday season ..
..
Before saying anything else .. I would like to confirm that I just needed to write these words & publish them to share them with you .. I just need to think loudly .. I just want to relieve myself from pressure .. I don't want to raise a false alarm .. I felt suicidal few days ago .. but now I don't .. I'm getting better .. much better ..
..
Going back to my story .. Being dumped hurts .. but when it happens during Christmas holiday season .. it's not fun at all ..
..
2016 in general wasn't a bad year at all .. for sure it was better than 2015 .. can't deny that .. maybe even better than the the past few years .. But things changed dramatically in December .. at least that's how It seems to me .. Oh god I really hate sudden unpredictable changes ..
..
2008 @ 2011 were milestones in my life .. the first was a total emotional collapse .. the second was the end of an era .. after being a family man for 18 years .. I found myself living alone .. lonely & heartbroken ..
welcome back to the single people community .. to the less socially welcomed crowd .. suddenly you find yourself alone & ask yourself : where did everybody go ? ..
..
I'm not against separation or divorce in general .. but that wasn't only a divorce .. that was like loosing everything.. a revenge .. It was a total social isolation .. it was like being ripped off & left to die alone ..
..
I knew I'm a strong & tough person .. my life wasn't easy .. I survived several hard times in the past .. and I knew I was going to survive this .. and I did ..
..
Is 2016 going to be another milestone ? .. mmmm .. let me see .. no .. I don't think so .. but I just need to survive the last two weeks of the year ..
..
My girlfriend dumped me ( we met 2 years ago ) .. or maybe I just lost her or even dumped her .. it doesn't make so much difference to me now ..
she left Ontario to Newfoundland in September to attend university .. we kept in touch almost every day .. I was looking forward to spend the holiday season with her .. the only question was : should we spend it here in Ontario or there in Newfoundland ..
..
Suddenly she decided to cancel it .. and suddenly I felt not important at all .. of course she thinks she has good reasons for this .. but I don't buy it .. maybe I'm naive & dumb .. but I can still reason things comfortably..
..
Am I sad & hurt inside ? .. yes .. but I know I'm now less depressed than last week .. I'm doing good in keeping myself busy ..
..
however .. that doesn't change the fact that I'm bipolar .. jobless .. lonely .. have only 3$ in my coin purse .. 4$ in my bank account .. 5$ In my presto card ( transportation) .. some food in my fridge .. I'm renting a small place to live in .. that means I have shelter .. rent is paid for December .. I have enough prescription medication for the rest of the month .. I have a smartphone & a tablet .. home internet .. Xbox ..
..
I need to go to a food bank soon .. maybe this week .. as soon as I can get some free bus tickets .. I think I can find help .. yes it's gonna be a lonely & quiet holiday season .. but I can survive it ..
..
After surviving the next two weeks .. I have to start looking for a cheaper place .. my girlfriend was my roommate & she helped me pay the rent .. but that's it .. she's not coming back.. & I can't afford paying the rent alone.. looking for another roommate to share the place with me is not a good idea at all .. it's a tiny studio .. Good for a couple .. not for two strangers sleeping in the same bed ..
..
I really hate to leave this place now .. but I don't think I have other good options .. I'm still confused & can't be sure of anything .. but I needed to write these words .. I feel much better now ..
..
If you have any remark or suggestion .. feel free to write it in a response.. or a private message ..
Thank you everybody..
It doesn't matter at all now ..
I'm sure this is going to be another lonely Christmas holiday season ..
..
Before saying anything else .. I would like to confirm that I just needed to write these words & publish them to share them with you .. I just need to think loudly .. I just want to relieve myself from pressure .. I don't want to raise a false alarm .. I felt suicidal few days ago .. but now I don't .. I'm getting better .. much better ..
..
Going back to my story .. Being dumped hurts .. but when it happens during Christmas holiday season .. it's not fun at all ..
..
2016 in general wasn't a bad year at all .. for sure it was better than 2015 .. can't deny that .. maybe even better than the the past few years .. But things changed dramatically in December .. at least that's how It seems to me .. Oh god I really hate sudden unpredictable changes ..
..
2008 @ 2011 were milestones in my life .. the first was a total emotional collapse .. the second was the end of an era .. after being a family man for 18 years .. I found myself living alone .. lonely & heartbroken ..
welcome back to the single people community .. to the less socially welcomed crowd .. suddenly you find yourself alone & ask yourself : where did everybody go ? ..
..
I'm not against separation or divorce in general .. but that wasn't only a divorce .. that was like loosing everything.. a revenge .. It was a total social isolation .. it was like being ripped off & left to die alone ..
..
I knew I'm a strong & tough person .. my life wasn't easy .. I survived several hard times in the past .. and I knew I was going to survive this .. and I did ..
..
Is 2016 going to be another milestone ? .. mmmm .. let me see .. no .. I don't think so .. but I just need to survive the last two weeks of the year ..
..
My girlfriend dumped me ( we met 2 years ago ) .. or maybe I just lost her or even dumped her .. it doesn't make so much difference to me now ..
she left Ontario to Newfoundland in September to attend university .. we kept in touch almost every day .. I was looking forward to spend the holiday season with her .. the only question was : should we spend it here in Ontario or there in Newfoundland ..
..
Suddenly she decided to cancel it .. and suddenly I felt not important at all .. of course she thinks she has good reasons for this .. but I don't buy it .. maybe I'm naive & dumb .. but I can still reason things comfortably..
..
Am I sad & hurt inside ? .. yes .. but I know I'm now less depressed than last week .. I'm doing good in keeping myself busy ..
..
however .. that doesn't change the fact that I'm bipolar .. jobless .. lonely .. have only 3$ in my coin purse .. 4$ in my bank account .. 5$ In my presto card ( transportation) .. some food in my fridge .. I'm renting a small place to live in .. that means I have shelter .. rent is paid for December .. I have enough prescription medication for the rest of the month .. I have a smartphone & a tablet .. home internet .. Xbox ..
..
I need to go to a food bank soon .. maybe this week .. as soon as I can get some free bus tickets .. I think I can find help .. yes it's gonna be a lonely & quiet holiday season .. but I can survive it ..
..
After surviving the next two weeks .. I have to start looking for a cheaper place .. my girlfriend was my roommate & she helped me pay the rent .. but that's it .. she's not coming back.. & I can't afford paying the rent alone.. looking for another roommate to share the place with me is not a good idea at all .. it's a tiny studio .. Good for a couple .. not for two strangers sleeping in the same bed ..
..
I really hate to leave this place now .. but I don't think I have other good options .. I'm still confused & can't be sure of anything .. but I needed to write these words .. I feel much better now ..
..
If you have any remark or suggestion .. feel free to write it in a response.. or a private message ..
Thank you everybody..
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