Dumper vs dumpee = double trouble

[Jafar the wizard]

The worst thing about breaking up a relationship .. is that it always happens when one partner is having a hard time & in deep trouble .. that usually pushes the other partner to look for a better life with somebody else ..
The dumpee is in double trouble .. double pressure .. deep trouble before being left plus depression & loneliness & feeling rejected after being left ..
..
The dumper on the other hand.. is usually winning twice .. first by releasing the pressure & leaving the battle .. and second by living a honeymoon and starting a new life ..
there are exceptions of course .. but not so many of them ..
..
And the sad aspect about it is that you cannot change this fact .. it cannot be fair .. whatever you say whatever you do .. someone is gonna be hurt .. & broken-hearted..

[paul m]

Hello Jafer. My condolences again on being dumped. You are right that being the dumpee is not fun and certainly prone to leave a person feeling quit miserable. By all means use this forum to vent out your grievances and frustrations as I am sure they must be many to have your hopes so cruelly dashed, especially at this time of yr.

I wouldn't say that the dumper always wins. I've known quite a few dumpers who seem to have won in the short run, but in the long run didn't end up any happier in life. Many dumpers that I have known are unhappy as they know how they have treated others and sometimes judge others by the way they have acted themselves. (I hope that made sense, I know what I wanted to say, just not sure if I said it). Take Care. paul m

[catman]

Hi Jafar,

I sympathize with you. I'm still mourning the loss of a relationship that ended 5 months ago. Just something to add, I was the technical "dumper" in the relationship, but I was NOT in any way winning, and I've been quite depressed since the end. I loved him dearly, but promised myself that if he hurt me once more (it was happening constantly...), I would remove myself from the relationship. When he cheated on me, it broke me apart, but I had to live up to that promise I made myself. I'm still devastated to this day, and relate more to the "dumpee" in this case because of the indiscretion. Just an exception to the rule, but oh my gosh do I feel your pain. I'm wishing both of us hope and happiness.

[Jafar the wizard]

Paul & catman ..

thanks a lot for your nice words .. everybody knows that these kind of supportive comments mean so much in situations like mine .. maybe much more than what you can expect ..

I'm feeling much better today .. not only because of your words .. but because I'm very close to achieving my basic goal .. surviving Christmas season ..
Its not a final success .. no doubt about that .. but it gives me a very special positive feeling .. and I'm enjoying it ..

Self pity is not a healthy habit .. it might not be easy to quit .. but it's much healthier to pass it quickly ..
..
i hope my words can give you the right positive impression ..

Thanks again ..

[Jafar the wizard]

Paul
your point about dumpers is absolutely right ..

[Jafar the wizard]

Catman
Despite the fact that I'm having a personal special experience myself .. I have to say that I'm sorry to know that you're in depression since breaking up five months ago ..
..
And I can so easily understand how being a dumper ( technically ) could not reduce the pain .. because you started feeling pain earlier than five months ago ..
..
Yes .. it's not as simple as a dumper vs dumpee game .. it's much more complicated than what it appear to be ..