Introducing Where would you go.

[Mhoskin]

Ive worked at the same job for 9 years. Straight out of college. It's the only job I've had. Its reception/admin at a doctors office. I deal with a lot of negativity and angry clients. It gets to me it always has. I take it home with me. It rules my life. I worry so much about what the community says or thinks about me. how do other people deal with this. I want to relate to other people who are also in 'customer service" and find out how they feel, how they stay positive. how they practice resiliency. I can talk to my work mates but...after 9 years we have just become one.

[Determined]

Hi Mhoskin. I've been in customer service in one form or another for quite a long time (which is kind of ironic because I have a some semblance of social anxiety). What I have been led to understand is that all the negativity and anger that clients exhibit is rarely directed at you personally. Usually people are angry at policies, rules, procedures, etc., especially in a government setting. Over the years I have tried to repay anger with kindness and understanding, no matter how much it hurt. Sometimes people just can't be reached and in those cases just chalk it up to the system. What I try to avoid at all costs is allowing myself to get angry back at a client. Nothing good ever comes from that and if I let it happen it is those times that follow me home.

People just want to vent at systems they have no control over and we happen to be on the front lines. Usually if you remain understanding and hear them out you will end up getting an apology in the end. Not always but more often than not. Try not to take their rantings personally because unless you have launched a personal attack against them then it is not you they are angry with.

On another note I have a coworker who can provoke rage in a customer in a heartbeat just by the tone of his voice. It gets pretty ugly sometimes but is good practice for me in diffusing a volatile situation.

Customer service is a difficult job but at the same time it can be just as enjoyable.

All the best to you.

[AJ]

I don't have anything to add to what Determined had said, I just want to welcome you to the forums Mhoskin.

[MoMoe]

Hi Mhoskin
I can appreciate your frustration after so many years working with the public. Just in addition to the info that determined has offered, I can't agree enough that responding with kindness over anger will most always result in diffusing a situation. Someone gave me some advice years ago that I try to stick to. If a person is exploding at you and you don't react with anger or negativity, they have nothing to argue with and it almost instantly diffuses uncomfortable situations. In my experience, the person first and foremost wants to be validated by you. Once the person sees that you empathize with their situation then the dynamic often changes. Then you can move forward with them as a "team" to see what the problem is and what they want done about it. Treating them with kindness and support I know is not always easy but I have found that the more I do it, the easier it becomes. This can also work the other way around. I have often come up against rude/angry customer service representatives who are automatically expecting a fight. I also love to validate their frustration of having to deal with so much negativity. Once again - people just want to know they are being listened to, and it goes a long way. Even if you can't give them what they want, they typically will now see you as a support and someone who will help within their own capabilities. Many times, I have still had to move on to someone higher ranking to solve a problem but again, I always try to respect and validate the person who couldn't help me if the decision is not theirs to make. I know this is easier said than done lots of times but it has always been my experience that (as my mother likes to say) "You get more bees with honey than vinegar". It is a really beautiful thing to know you have diffused an angry situation with kindness. People get angry all the time. We don't know what may be going on in their lives so I just try to keep that in mind. It gives me much more pleasure at the end of the day to know that I was able to temporarily "hold" someones anger for them rather than contribute to it. I certainly don't sleep better at night when I have "gotten away" with giving someone a piece of my mind (I am no saint - I definitely know how to unleash when i am being pushed on the wrong day!). It may feel satisfying at the time but it often stays with me and I eventually end up ruminating my own faults for not being able to control my temper and emotions. Anyhoo, I don't know if any of this is helpful but in a nutshell I guess, I try to treat anger and negative outbursts from others as their problem, not mine and respond with kindness, validation and empathy. It goes a long way and leaves you feeling better, not worse. Best of luck with your frustrations. Blessings.

[Mhoskin]

you both have already been so helpful. I really needed to hear that other people have the same struggles. And how they deal with those struggles. I'm very grateful you took the time to respond. I've taken your kind words to heart and will really try to put them to use. <3 Thank you so much

[paul m]

Hello Mhoskin and welcome. Please feel free to use the forum to vent out some of life's frustration. When I worked and still with the volunteer stuff that I do, it was always in the customer service field of one type or another.

I'll agree that most people are good people, they are just frustrated with the system or the business they are dealing with or life in general. Sometimes a good word will turn away wrath, but not always.

Whoever coined the phrase " The customer is always right" never worked on the front lines in customer service.

I keep sane (relatively speaking LOL) by realizing that there are a few people that are genuine a**holes in this world and they cause me about 90% of my grief. However having said that I also have learned that the people who have given me the most grief are usually very unhappy in their own life. As bad as they can make it for me, it really sucks to be them and have to live a life where there are no happy moments, just constant blow ups and complaining. I've found that this sort of person is rarely happy and never will be happy and that must be a tough way to live. (I tried it for several decades and it sucked , being chronically unhappy that is)

Taking work home with you can be a problem and I don't have any good solutions for that. I do try and train my brain to let go,but I can certainly fixate on a problem for far too long. Take Care. paul m