General Topics Relationship update

[catman]

Hi all,

Turns out my anxiety in my relationship was not for no reason. Found out this morning that my boyfriend just cheated on me and has been lying to me for two years now. Needless to say, I'm devastated and disgusted. I don't really know what to do at this point. Any suggestions?

[uni]

I am so sorry to hear that, catman. How upsetting this must be for you All I can think to say is give yourself whatever reaction time you need. By that I mean allow yourself time to feel the various feelings that are bound to come up, and hold off on making any major decisions until you feel calmer. Allow a little time to pass until things become clearer.

Vent on here if you like, talk to a friend if that is something you find helpful. If you can think of the things that have helped ground and comfort you in past times of trouble, consider trying them now. Everyone is different. A few things I've done during similar troubles are: writing about it, talking it over (and sometimes over and over) with a trusted friend, reading something self-help related (if I can concentrate), and making an appointment with a counselor (even if you can't get in for a while, making an appointment gives you something down the line).

Treat yourself well. You're hurting and deserve comfort.

[AJ]

I'm so sorry to hear about your boyfriend cheating on you.

Be gentle with yourself Catman.

[catman]

Thanks, you guys. I'm upset and feeling the loss, but also tired of the emotional abuse he often put me through. Time to move on and give my love to someone deserving of it.

[paul m]

Hello Catman. That's a bummer. It must be a really difficult time for you.

Not really knowing you I can only make a few suggestions 1) take time to grieve the loss of your relationship. You may be mad now, but you still need to mourn the loss of the relationship as it was probably a big part of your life. 2) After you have grieved, take some time and examine why things turned out the way they did, without placing blame. This may help you avoid a mistake the next time. For example rather than say "he was a good for nothing low life" which may be true, ask yourself " what were the early warning signs that he was a good for nothing low life".

Should by some chance you decide to give him another try (and I'm not saying that you should, but sometimes it happens), make sure that you lay down the rules and make sure he understands that he doesn't have any more chances.

Also remember that emotional abuse can leave lasting scars and sometimes those scars need time to heal. Take Care. paul m