Introducing Trying something new

[NotSoImaginaryProblems]

I guess I should start with an introduction, I have had depression and anxiety since I was a child. Diagnosed officially around high school I was ecstatic to learn that even though I was different there was a way to help me. I started taking medication that made me feel horrible. I contemplated suicide and had a lot of trouble with school. I made it through my high school life through a lot of family help. I moved on to college and again had a lot of difficulty, I was switched to a different medication after graduating (that was a miracle on it's own) and suddenly things started to look up. I was starting to feel excitement and other moods I hadn't felt in years. I started dating and thought that I had to do things that I thought were normal. I was settling into a horrible relationship and was lost. My family saved me in more ways than one, I'm sure you understand if you are reading this.

So that takes us to today and why I am writing on a forum full of unknown people and hopefully gaining some advice. I have my coping methods and my medication. I have a family who loves me and a boyfriend who is my rock and my other half. The problem is lately I feel like no one understands exactly what I am going through and why I am the way I am. I feel like not existing would be so much easier, I have days where I am paralyzed with sadness, emptiness or just pure nothing. I wish i was better at explaining. My mother tries but she says things that just make me feel un wanted and like I am a burden, the boy and I are working on moving out but with my anxiety and depression it's hard for me to move on to something or take the next jump. The typical fight is that I need to move on from my dead end job and take the risks that I need to but I am paralyzed with fear. I am working on my communication skills but I just need a place to feel not so alone so here I am. Any input or advice will always be accepted.

[AJ]

Welcome to the forum NotSoImagineryProblems. Thank you for sharing some of yourself with us. You'll find us to be a very friendly and supportive bunch.

I have days where I am paralyzed with sadness, emptiness or just pure nothing

I think many on the forum, including myself can relate to being in that place.

They say that moving and changing jobs are two very stressful events you can be doing in life. I am much better at baby steps then the big leaps of faith. I find that if I think about all the things I want to change, I get easily overwhelmed. I have also come to realize that making changes when in a difficult place mentally is extremely difficult. Sometimes in life circumstances dictate that it has to be done within a set time period, but when it doesn't and I'm not in a good place, I try to delay doing things that can wait.

Having said that, if it has to be done, and a leap is in order, a life jacket is always a good idea. A support system, medication that is helping and is tolerated well, enough sleep, regular meals and even a little exercise, can really help me get thru those upheavels. I thrive on routine, so whatever I can do to make things feel less chaotic, I'll do.

Know that you are not alone in your struggles! Although we are all in our own unique place in life, mental illness is a powerful common denominator.

[ossolot]

oh gawd i can relate to this. it can be such a potent full sadness and sometimes the daily grind is just freakin frustrating and feels futile. i sometimes wonder if we're "crazy" or if the whole world and system is crazy. but then its hard to because there's not much we can do to impact political and societal trends that harry us. commune? raft life? ecoactivism? running away to the wilderness? i wish there were magical epic adventures in real life

[AJ]

Welcome to the forum ossolot.

[paul m]

Hello NotSoImagineryPrblem and welcome to the forum. I too have felt like that. When ever I start on a down hill slide that I don't seem to be able to control. I ck several things 1) has my routine changed much, am I eating different, am I ending up in places I shouldn't, am I exercising enough etc. 2) if the previous isn't the problem then are my meds not working as well as they used . Anti depressants are famous for working 5-6 yrs and then just quit working,just google SSRI poop out an anti depressant poop out and you will see what I mean, Sometimes this can be cured by adding a little more to what you are already taking and other times,you may have to change medication

3) Depression can be a progressive illness and what works for yrs may no longer work any more. Also I find that I can only work on a few problems at a time and that depression can magnify those problems , so changing jobs at this time may or may not be the best way to go. Good Luck and Take Care paul m

[quack424]

Hello NotSoImaginary,

You mentioned the feeling that nobody understands you. I know that feeling, and in my case, I believe it to be always somewhat true. People who have had similar experiences to me will understand those in their own terms. I can relate to a lot of things that others say as well. But I'll never know exactly because our conditions are all rather individual even if there are many similarities. With friends and family who don't have experience with mental illness, the divide is greater. Not to say that there can't be a ton of support and care and compassion. But I do think the ability to truly understand is somewhat out of reach. Thus, the importance, in my mind anyway, of groups like this. I am sad to say I don't have any brilliant advice for getting better understanding, but it is a challenge we all face, and the challenge is greater when we need understanding the most. Hopefully you find a lot here!