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    General Topics Checking in

    Just figured I would check in. Been a couple months, no great revelations to report. Still out here. Hope everyone is doing the best they can.

    #2
    It's good to hear from you Fighting Back.
    AJ

    Humans punish themselves endlessly
    for not being what they believe they should be.
    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

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      #3
      Hello Fighting back. I'm still out here too and I've had an absolutely rotten spring and early summer. My moods and anxieties have bent and threatened but I haven't collapsed like I would have even 10 yrs ago. 10 yrs ago I would have just ran and hid. I still can't say that I'm the happiest camper this summer, but I'm working through my problems one at a time and trying to put those that don't have to be handled right NOW away for a time when I can handle them.

      Once upon a time I tried to deal with every little crisis at once and I would collapse. For example, my internet company owes me some money as I had some major internet problems for 5-6 wks and I don't have the strength right now to go after them, I have more important things to do. Once upon a time I would have tried to get it done at the same time and probably would have failed. I will get my money, I have all of the work orders, lies , stupidities that I was told in a file, but it can wait while I deal with other things. Small item but in the past it would have been the straw that broke the camels back.

      I've had a few large crisis too this spring, but again acceptance and dealing with them one at a time, as much as possible has allowed me deal with them properly. Once upon a time this spring would have just left me bed ridden.

      So how am I? Lousy, but happier than heck that at least I'm not hiding in the basement and that I'm not ignoring problems, rather I'm prioritizing them. I'm still sleeping, although with a little temporary chemical help and I'm still going around with a smile on my face at least 1/2 of the time(a real smile , not a fake one LOL).

      So how am I. Pretty good actually, all things considered. Take Care. paul m
      "Alone we can do so little;
      Together we can do so much"
      Helen Keller

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        #4
        wow Paul M my hat off to you I'm too am trying not to just do the possum which takes strength. Keep trying to prioritze then overwhemleved so list keeps growing. I can't shake the anxiety and awful feeling in pit of stomach. I even said to hell with back and knee stuff and cleaned half of the bathroom (yes I only think of cleaning bathroom if the walls and corners are done then it's complete and that's with a very messy elderly cat box. My partner came in and saw me vacuming and moping and knew just to hold me and to calm me it took a clomap.. (the orange pill) took that as soon as I started feeling 'odd' that didn't stave it off an hour later the ativin yeah that's when I had to bathroom thinking at least the physical pain of arthritis could snap the build up took another ativin and my partner had me wrapped in his arms laying down reminding me to breath. I felt so bad him seeing this and also at one point I was smacking my own head hating it and the side of brain surgery. The panic attack i guess it was overrrulled the pain. i have so much with my spine and legs all bones, compressions, degenerative, arthritis blah blah but the attacks this week were so strong I felt no physical pain of my other diseases just the pain of the yell and despair within. how does one find acceptance of things that are in the past, I've tried everything in over 20 odd years meds, yoga walking, etc

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          #5
          Hello Purgatory. Thx, but no hats off are needed for me, I consider myself lucky. Why lucky, because I've learned to live with my problems and because I've had some pretty good teachers. By teachers I mean people who have went through worse and survived. I never try to compare myself to someone else as everybodies ability to handle anything is a little different.

          How do we accept things that have happened to us in the past. I can't give you a good answer on that, but I do know that most shrinks and others say that until we can accept what has happened to us in the past it is much harder to find happiness in the future.

          I have reasons for hating some (most) family members and a lot of former friends, but it doesn't affect them only me. I have reasons for hating how my life turned out, but again that hurts only me and nobody else. I often look with envy at what other people have or the live's they lead and then I have to stop and say this is non productive because I'm only getting depressed by it. I hate having to take a bowel full of pills a day and I hate the side effects and I hate the fact that they are not curing me, just slowing down some of my illnesses. However not taking them or wishing that I didn't have to take them is not going to make me any better.

          Acceptance hasn't came easily for me, because like you I didn't do anything to cause these problems and some days I still struggle with that fact. I think that if I had done something stupid that caused my problems I could accept them better. I've done lot's of stupid things, but not ones that contributed to my major illnesses LOL.

          I have found that passive ways of accepting my life and problems just don't work well for me. Walking helps, but I can get pretty depressed walking and thinking about things, whereas sitting around a camp fire and thinking about the stars helps. Mediating and yoga are complete failures for me as all I do is think bad thoughts, whereas day dreaming about a fancy trip or a house I'll probably never be able to afford helps take my mind off of other things. Pills can only do so much and then I have to find other ways to handle things. One thing that I don't do is worry overall about having a spic and span clean house, that's not a criticism of you, it's a criticism of me. When ever I get the slightest bit down cleaning goes out the window, if I can get the window open LOL. I tend to beat myself up about not being more proactive in the cleaning dept.

          I hope that some day you can put in the back of your mind at least some of the things that happened to you in the past. I can't forget my past either, but I do try and keep it filed away at the back of my mind. With my family I view it as a friendly divorce. I talk friendly with them when I see them, I just don't see them much I don't expect anything from them, not phone calls, emails etc etc. If I get something it's a bonus, but effectively we are divorced.

          Somewhere in one of the posts I think that you said that you had to take all of your needles over when you were younger because your parents forgot or something like that. So we do have one think in common(and probably lots more), I had to take all of my needles as a kid over again because my parents never took me at the proper times either. Take Care. paul m
          "Alone we can do so little;
          Together we can do so much"
          Helen Keller

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