I'm new, and I'm not sure exactly where I fit in here.
There have been times in the past when I thought about hurting myself.
I got help.
I got 'better'.
There have been times when I felt like I couldn't stand the weight of the world, and needed to run away from everything.
I got help.
I got 'better'.
Now, the desire for self-harm is gone. The compulsion to run away is substantially reduced. The feeling of being crushed is just a dull weight. To paraphrase Roger Waters, I have become uncomfortably numb. The stress level just kind of sits there, uncomfortable, but manageable.
Unless something happens. Financial stress, relationship stress, noise, crowds. That kicks the stress up to the point where I give out a silent scream in the confines of my head. If I can remove myself from the situation, it subsides. That's usually easy for crowds and noise. Not so much for finances and relationship issues. Luckily, I have a very understanding spouse who I can talk to about almost anything. When it comes to money, I lay out plans, and do my best to follow through until it's only a minor crisis.
To summarize, I'm coping. I've been dealing with this for long enough, if I weren't coping, I wouldn't be here.
But I constantly long for a pause button.
To pause life.
To pause bills. To pause relationships.
To keep everyone else on the planet at a distance.
To escape from noise.
To just stop existing for a week or two while my batteries recharge.
pause-303651_640.png
There have been times in the past when I thought about hurting myself.
I got help.
I got 'better'.
There have been times when I felt like I couldn't stand the weight of the world, and needed to run away from everything.
I got help.
I got 'better'.
Now, the desire for self-harm is gone. The compulsion to run away is substantially reduced. The feeling of being crushed is just a dull weight. To paraphrase Roger Waters, I have become uncomfortably numb. The stress level just kind of sits there, uncomfortable, but manageable.
Unless something happens. Financial stress, relationship stress, noise, crowds. That kicks the stress up to the point where I give out a silent scream in the confines of my head. If I can remove myself from the situation, it subsides. That's usually easy for crowds and noise. Not so much for finances and relationship issues. Luckily, I have a very understanding spouse who I can talk to about almost anything. When it comes to money, I lay out plans, and do my best to follow through until it's only a minor crisis.
To summarize, I'm coping. I've been dealing with this for long enough, if I weren't coping, I wouldn't be here.
But I constantly long for a pause button.
To pause life.
To pause bills. To pause relationships.
To keep everyone else on the planet at a distance.
To escape from noise.
To just stop existing for a week or two while my batteries recharge.
pause-303651_640.png
Comment