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    Welcome to new members...

    Welcome to all new members and anyone else I may have missed. I've lost track of my welcomes and don't want to miss anyone!
    AJ

    Humans punish themselves endlessly
    for not being what they believe they should be.
    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

    #2
    Hello AJ. I also sometimes lose track of my welcomes. Especially when I am on vacation or other wise busy. So if I missed anyone, hello and welcome. Take Care. paul m
    "Alone we can do so little;
    Together we can do so much"
    Helen Keller

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      #3
      Hello and welcome newbies!
      uni

      ~ it's always worth it ~

      Comment


        #4
        Your welcome.

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          #5
          Hello everyone. I took the same username as I have on YouTube!

          Have a favorite saying: "I did the best I could with the person I was at the time."

          Peace. Over and out.

          Comment


            #6
            Hello the xpax and welcome to the forum! I love the saying you quoted. It sounds good for peace of mind
            uni

            ~ it's always worth it ~

            Comment


              #7

              Hello wonders, I would like to introduce myself again please.
              To vent.

              Have no mental or emotional recall of my first 6 1/2 years of life, but for about ten three second vignettes.
              This was dissociative amnesia from the time my sisters and mother told me we lived with a bad dad. No remembrance of him even existing, nor any feeling about him positive, negative or neutral. One sis told me if I toddled near him, he'd put his shoe between my legs and 'boot me across the room'.
              Have arachnophobia (fear of spiders) for no reason so I'm sure I was traumatized with them.
              My life begins at 6 1/2 reaching for the tuning dial of the television. Know nothing before then.
              Already was I in the torture of Catherine, already being destroyed. She made me sure I was garbage, defective, wrong, an accident, ugly, not worth living, not due a tomorrow. Psych says long term major clinical depression with suicidal ideation, long term social anxiety disorder, long term generalized anxiety disorder, and long term body dysmorphic disorder, before age 10. Lived like I'd never have tomorrow, only a blank nothingness.
              By my Faith did I work at many jobs, blessed that they were all full-time permanent. Was always one of the best if not the best worker at them all, but the last one.
              It was the early 1990s, and did not exactly get the job as advertised, with no learning curve allowed under an unreasonable boss. I was laid off, for my first time i did not leave. It hit my psyche. Could not find another job, I was too old.
              Went to the Canadian Mental Health Association's Employment Dimensions job service. After a long time I interviewed at Canadian Blood Services and won. Work day morning one I could not force myself to go there. I'd die to remember my three reasons why but cannot. Phoned in with my reasons to an answering machine to Blood Services and my worker. Irate call from Blood Services told me to stay home. Later my worker made an appointment with me for the afternoon, and convinced me to go on Disability Welfare. They put me on it, I did nothing. I no longer had to look for a job --- could not take a job.
              For one who validated himself by being a work-a-holic this was suicide. And i became suicidal.
              Thankfully I called CMHA again 'Hello. I need to kill myself. Do you have anyone i could talk to?' The poor receptionist.
              In a flash I was talking with the late great Ruth Hamer who saved my life. Funny, never can I recall one word either of us said to each other. She simply morphed me from a work-a-holic into accepting the disabilities. She soon died of cancer and, how do I know if I said thank you?
              I was an undiagnosed asperger. Could therefore not socially get a society so not made for aspies. And so stuck to family for a life all my life, Catherine I did not see was turning sociopath. Guess I was too confused with non-aspies to see it coming. Yet I worked well, because I could look at and read people. Did not need any body cues. Thought everyone did. An aspie not needing social help in School or work ìs odd. I always was the accepted oddball.
              Asked for a diagnosis January 2013. Got it on paper March 12, 2013. I understood myself.
              Panic attacks had abated but for one manifestation, PTSD was diagnosed.
              Back in July 2010, family bubble burst. In panic I took a basement room with another roomer.
              In 2019 was given short notice to move out, as the owners were leaving.
              With the excellent help of a worker from Access, here i am at 61 in a retirement place. Never before in my whole life have I been alone. It is strange.
              My psych has me on meds for my problems which are not all solved.
              Finally meeting persons who don't seem to like me, which is strange, but I hear normal.
              I freak out every wake-up, have to figure why.
              So many things become 'can't dos' for depression which is all I know.
              Everything is anxiety and/or fear for how ominous it is.
              I'm worn out and burnt out.
              My pity party was last night at seven you missed it.

              Do the best we can with the person we will be at the time!

              Best of health all!

              Comment


                #8
                I'm glad you got to put that all into words, the xpax. Sounds like quite the journey you've had, and continue to have. I wish you the best of health too. I hope you'll post some more, this is a great place to vent and just connect with others.
                uni

                ~ it's always worth it ~

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