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Iím ready to give up

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    Iím ready to give up

    I have contacted every Ďsupportí group I can find, tried private counsellor, my GP, Community Mental Health and the local ER. I have been consistently refused treatment or even a diagnosis. There is no point in trying...iím Just trying to make the aftermath of my death as trauma-free for my son as possible. I welcome oblivion...there is no place for me in this world. Iím still fighting, but itís a matter of time...

    #2
    I feel the same way Easterner. There is no compassion in ANY Ďhealth care systemí in Eastern Canada. We are doomed to suffer and die, unnoticed and unmourned.

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      #3
      I wish I had some sort of magic words that would help... that would take both of your pain away... but it doesn't work like that. But I hope that a small piece of my story might give you a bit of hope.

      I've attempted suicide 7 times. I know what it feels like to wake up in hospital, with no idea how I got there, completely heartbroken that I was still alive and furious at whoever had saved me. But my loved ones fought for me when I couldn't fight for myself. I'm now living well with my illness, and even though I still have episodes where I'm very ill, I consider myself in recovery.

      I'm not trying to tell you that it's easy... that would be a bald-faced lie. But I'm trying to tell you that it's possible, if you can just hang on.
      Pressure makes diamonds....

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        #4
        Hello Paul57 and Eastener. I've tried suicide a couple of times. So I know the feelings that you are having. Fortunately it didn't work out and I now live a relatively happy life. It wasn't doctor at the time who saved me from suicide as I seemed to have just become a problem patient to them. At the time the resources were pretty slim pickings here to.

        However I took a little bit of advice and care from everyone , doctors, forums , community mental health etc and was able to slowly put my life back together. I'll admit that I got lucky and found my way through the maze. I also took every course that I could, even if they were not immediately helpful. Peer support groups and this and other forums were probably the biggest help as I learned a lot about my illness and how other people treated their illness.

        A couple of the biggest things that I learned were to a) ask a lot of questions of people who have been through it before and find out how they made it b) I also learned from those people to take a more pro active approach to my illnes. For example. When I would try a medication or a cock tail of meds I would only try them for 60-90 days and if i didn't feel better I would be bugging the doctor for something different. I did many other things too, including venting out my feelings on the forum and in the in person peer support groups that I attended.

        It wasn't easy and I suffered for many yrs but eventually it all came together and I have a lot more good days than bad and in general I enjoy life these days. So don't hesitate to ask questions on the forum here. I am certainly no body special and I certainly don't have all of the answers, Take Care. Paul M
        "Alone we can do so little;
        Together we can do so much"
        Helen Keller

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          #5
          I've been down that rabbit hole too. Fortunately I didn't succeed either. I did many of the things Paul talked about to find my way thru the mess of my life. My life isn't perfect, but I'm in a much better place than I was in those days.
          AJ

          Humans punish themselves endlessly
          for not being what they believe they should be.
          -Don Miguel Ruiz-

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            #6
            Thanks for your concern. Unfortunately, I have no loved ones, only two or three friends and the only peer-support here is controlled by the local health authority:

            https://thesaodoldman.files.wordpres...cle-herald.pdf

            still fighting, but I get so tired of having this monumental battle every time I come in contact with the system...
            Last edited by Easterner; January 29th, 2019, 07:39 AM.

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              #7
              Hello Easterner and Paul57. I agree that it feels like being a lone voice crying in the wilderness with the dire need for more mental health help and support, not only in eastern Canada but elsewhere too. I don't know if you're familiar with the Canadian Mental Health Association (C.M.H.A.) They are one organization I know of that presses hard to get government to wake up and smell the coffee. Maybe check them out. Just a suggestion.
              uni

              ~ it's always worth it ~

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                #8
                Hello all, I understand wanting to end my life, I've tried too. I even considered MAiD but was very unlikely to be a candidate for it because it doesn't include mental health. I read up on the process that the candidates have to go through with MAiD and figured I might as well prepare my family for the worst. At the time I thought that a lame horse was being treated more humanely that I was. So I began the process of writing goodbye letters... Then I told someone I trusted what I was doing and they suggested I write hello letters instead. It has been a struggle because I don't know what to tell my hello recipients anything about me cause I've kind of lost myself in all this. So I just started saying hello (basically) and it seemed to help. I know this may seem too simple to be true but I'm still here to tell my story.

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                  #9
                  Hello DLove4U, and welcome. I'm so glad you are still here to tell your story. It's an important story. I've never heard of hello letters, but it sounds like a pretty good idea. Am I right in assuming that writing the letters doesn't necessarily mean sending them?
                  uni

                  ~ it's always worth it ~

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                    #10
                    The problem is that you live in the east coast. I have mentally ill cousins in the east coast and there is NOTHING there! If there is any way you can get to Toronto, this is like the home base for mental illness programs. You probably know, but we have CAMH which (I believe) is the biggest mental health/addictions hospital in Canada. If you can get here, you can sign yourself into the hospital section so that you have a bed, then I believe they have halfway house type setups so that you can stay longer. You just have to get yourself to Toronto. And call to double check that this is still an option. 3 of my east coast cousins did this about 12 years ago. After everything was exhausted, CAMH hooked them up with government housing for the mentally ill and they stayed here.
                    Just check this stuff out as a last option PLEASE!

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                      #11
                      Paul57 check out the message I left for Easterner if you need help. Toronto has all the mental health resources.

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                        #12
                        Dear Uni, I had already told those that I was gonna write goodbye letters to, that I was suffering so bad that I was considering MAiD. I have sent 4 hello letters to those I am closest to, but I am finding it difficult to write to others. ​​I also like the idea of not sending them; I believe that would still have a therapeutic effect.

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                          #13
                          Freakout Fabienne, my savings are running out, no financial support and canít get to Ontario.

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Gawd I feel so bad for all of us. It seems all the recent attention given to mental health has not improved the response to it. I realize this is a funding issue as well but our govt is clearly not doing enough witnessed by the testimonials herein and all the people slipping through the cracks. I will be visiting my local CMHA in the coming week to enquire about this. I'm not expecting anything earth-shattering however.

                            There's too many people out there suffering. It's not a good way to run a society.

                            Godspeed to you all.

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