Hiding or High Functioning

[MarieD]

I was just wondering if anyone else has a hard time managing because they hide it well or are very high functioning? I find especially when I'm in the depressive side of this disorder it's hard for people (even my husband) to see because I tend to hide it well and as a result they don't take me seriously until I'm in the process of attempting suicide. Can anyone relate? I'm getting a little better at expressing myself but I find that even if I talk about it, sometimes people don't take me seriously because I AM talking about it. I just find it frustrating because I am doing much better now than I was a couple of months ago but I still have days where my mood dips way below normal and certain thoughts come back but because I can somewhat function through it even the health care professionals won't take me seriously.

[AJ]

Hi MarieD. I can totally relate. I can put on an academy performance when it comes to pretending that all is well in my world! I find doctors don't take me as seriously as I think they would if I wasn't such a good performer. Over the years I have learnt that I need to be honest and up front with my doctors. It's the only way they can be truly helpful. Still, I am highly functional in most aspects of everyday life, so I have to work that much harder at communicating with them how I'm really doing.

[Determined]

That pretty much sums it up for me. With all of the adversity life deals out on top of the mood disorder it sometimes seems like an exercise in futility. I have coped quite well over the years but this cursed affliction has taken its toll on me and caused me a great deal of undue hardship. As I get older I had hoped to be able to maintain some semblance of dignity whereby a mood disorder would not be the dominating force in my life. I could feel like I actually gave a damn. But, yes, I hide it so very well Marie. I can't help but ponder what life would have been like sans mental illness. Having said all of this though it could always have been a lot worse. The black dog could have much sharper teeth. Maybe I just need spring to arrive.

[Fighting back]

Looking back, I can trace my history of depression back at least 35 years. In that time, I have had a successful career, raised a family and even managed to have a great marriage. Still do. I'm retired now. Still like to get involved in the community, but I am constantly masking the symptoms of depression. Often I will have to excuse myself and curl up for a mental health day, ( or week, or even longer). I do not seek any publicity, but I have been open with my affliction. I am sure there are those who do not believe me and I'm past the point of caring.

I was diagnosed about 4 years back, but I remember an incident about 20 years back where I saw an advertisement for participants in a study. The profile they gave matched my symptoms, so I signed up. The intake interview suggested I was far too engaged and animated to be depressed, however there may have been signs of mild depression and maybe I should chat with my doctor. I did and the doctor told me that I really did not want to go there. Long time ago and far away, but I often wonder if things would have been different had this been caught at an earlier stage.