Hi everyone,
I am new to this site as well and have been diagnosed with bipolar 9 months ago. It took a while for my body to get accustomed to the medication, loss of memory, loss of balance, trembling etc but now on a lower dose of lamotrigine and risperidone my moods have stabilized as best they can I guess. I still feel like I have no energy most of the time, and still stay in a depressive mode for long periods but I am never as low as I used to be. It has been quite a relief after years of being diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Borderline and Post traumatic stress disorder. Finally some medication that has brought much calm and peacefullness to my life. I will also be sober 2 years on the 27th of June, I attended AA meetings but have kind of stayed away since I told the group that I was bipolar. I no longer identify myself with the group and I know some people have distanced themselves from my life. My own sponsor has not checked up on me ... I am always the one calling her and telling her that I am ok even if I do not attend regular AA meetings. I think that most members do not understand my lows, depression, wanting to stay home, to get my batteries recharged. They just don't get why I do not attend a meeting every day. I believed I drank wine to calm my moods when I was manic and stressed but now I do not ever feel so overwhelmed that I even think about it. When I feel low I just tell myself that for today I am not at my best but I always keep hope that tomorrow or a day soon I will feel better. In my manic stages I have found a new hobby... painting abstracts and it keeps me concentrated and brings a passion I never new existed. So now I paint instead of working. Accepting the diagnose bipolar and accepting that one cannot work as well has been a long process and still there are times when I get discouraged. Sorry if I am all over the place here in my writting but am so happy that I can share the ups and downs with a group that understands more mental illness. I also never felt completely comfortable in the AA meetings, I don't seem to fit in groups, I find that little groups are made between such groups and there is a lot of cross talk about how one is working their program and not. Little clicks are made and since I outed that I am bipolar I no longer feel and never have felt at ease at a AA meeting. There it is out. . . . I don't feel comfortable and understood and I am tired of pretending.
I am new to this site as well and have been diagnosed with bipolar 9 months ago. It took a while for my body to get accustomed to the medication, loss of memory, loss of balance, trembling etc but now on a lower dose of lamotrigine and risperidone my moods have stabilized as best they can I guess. I still feel like I have no energy most of the time, and still stay in a depressive mode for long periods but I am never as low as I used to be. It has been quite a relief after years of being diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Borderline and Post traumatic stress disorder. Finally some medication that has brought much calm and peacefullness to my life. I will also be sober 2 years on the 27th of June, I attended AA meetings but have kind of stayed away since I told the group that I was bipolar. I no longer identify myself with the group and I know some people have distanced themselves from my life. My own sponsor has not checked up on me ... I am always the one calling her and telling her that I am ok even if I do not attend regular AA meetings. I think that most members do not understand my lows, depression, wanting to stay home, to get my batteries recharged. They just don't get why I do not attend a meeting every day. I believed I drank wine to calm my moods when I was manic and stressed but now I do not ever feel so overwhelmed that I even think about it. When I feel low I just tell myself that for today I am not at my best but I always keep hope that tomorrow or a day soon I will feel better. In my manic stages I have found a new hobby... painting abstracts and it keeps me concentrated and brings a passion I never new existed. So now I paint instead of working. Accepting the diagnose bipolar and accepting that one cannot work as well has been a long process and still there are times when I get discouraged. Sorry if I am all over the place here in my writting but am so happy that I can share the ups and downs with a group that understands more mental illness. I also never felt completely comfortable in the AA meetings, I don't seem to fit in groups, I find that little groups are made between such groups and there is a lot of cross talk about how one is working their program and not. Little clicks are made and since I outed that I am bipolar I no longer feel and never have felt at ease at a AA meeting. There it is out. . . . I don't feel comfortable and understood and I am tired of pretending.
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