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    Feel apart and misunderstood with my ...

    Hi everyone,
    I am new to this site as well and have been diagnosed with bipolar 9 months ago. It took a while for my body to get accustomed to the medication, loss of memory, loss of balance, trembling etc but now on a lower dose of lamotrigine and risperidone my moods have stabilized as best they can I guess. I still feel like I have no energy most of the time, and still stay in a depressive mode for long periods but I am never as low as I used to be. It has been quite a relief after years of being diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Borderline and Post traumatic stress disorder. Finally some medication that has brought much calm and peacefullness to my life. I will also be sober 2 years on the 27th of June, I attended AA meetings but have kind of stayed away since I told the group that I was bipolar. I no longer identify myself with the group and I know some people have distanced themselves from my life. My own sponsor has not checked up on me ... I am always the one calling her and telling her that I am ok even if I do not attend regular AA meetings. I think that most members do not understand my lows, depression, wanting to stay home, to get my batteries recharged. They just don't get why I do not attend a meeting every day. I believed I drank wine to calm my moods when I was manic and stressed but now I do not ever feel so overwhelmed that I even think about it. When I feel low I just tell myself that for today I am not at my best but I always keep hope that tomorrow or a day soon I will feel better. In my manic stages I have found a new hobby... painting abstracts and it keeps me concentrated and brings a passion I never new existed. So now I paint instead of working. Accepting the diagnose bipolar and accepting that one cannot work as well has been a long process and still there are times when I get discouraged. Sorry if I am all over the place here in my writting but am so happy that I can share the ups and downs with a group that understands more mental illness. I also never felt completely comfortable in the AA meetings, I don't seem to fit in groups, I find that little groups are made between such groups and there is a lot of cross talk about how one is working their program and not. Little clicks are made and since I outed that I am bipolar I no longer feel and never have felt at ease at a AA meeting. There it is out. . . . I don't feel comfortable and understood and I am tired of pretending.

    #2
    Hi!! Welcome. Don't sweat the small stuff. We're here to help. Thanks for sharing your story with us. I too don't really fit in with large groups as my anxiety acts up.
    You'll find many people here are very helpful and knowledgeable about all kinds of things in regards to your illness and even medications!! Don't be shy!
    Welcome!!

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      #3
      Hello and welcome Pinkviolet! Thanks for sharing, and for your honesty. You've obviously been through a lot over the last number of months, and I'm glad you've found some stability.

      Congratulations on your sobriety, it's a real accomplishment with or without AA. Groups work for some people and not others. I'm a group type person, but not every group is one I feel comfortable at. So much depends on the mix of people and the format, as well as where you're at as an individual.

      I hope you like our online forum. You can come and go as and when you please, share as and when you wish, vent, give suggestions, joke around, or whatever else you find helpful. I post all over the place, there are no restrictions that way. I look forward to reading more of your posts, and remember you aren't alone.
      uni

      ~ it's always worth it ~

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