I am certainly not at my best today. Still feel quite anxious and have stayed in my pijamas. It's noon and all I want is to go back to sleep. I am retired by the way on the Québec Régie des Rentes Disability Plan so I have no pressing place I need to be at. This anxiouness is getting worse day by day. I feel like screaming Inside but with my mood leveling meds nothing comes out, no tears...actually I think that is what I need to do is to cry, let myself go. Has anyone found that the meds sometimes leaves you numb? I feel like my emotions are stuck Inside my body. I tell myself to move your ass, get out, go for a walk, do something but I stay unmotivated. Have been for about 2 months. I had a bit of relief when the nice weather finally came along, I had a bit of bounce in my step, started doing my daily walk again and then boom everything stopped. Back to feeling blue. I attended AA meetings while the drugs were still not balanced in my system: my hands trembled, my lips trembled and I had an important loss of balance. And ever since I spoke that I was bipolar at my AA meeting I have been feeling very uneasy and anxious at going to a meeting again. Now I have stayed away so long that it is like a huge mountain to hike just to enter that place again. Isn't awfull how the anxiousness makes one feel. Baby steps, I am back to taking baby steps to try and live normally. The fear of being judged by AA members is overpowering me. One moment, minute at a time and a new day will begin and hopefully I will have the nerve and courage to climb that steep hill.
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I've felt exactly like that too. I know how you feel. You need to live by one word only when you feel like that! That word is "PUSH". My Meds keep me from a good cry too! It's not just you.
Get busy living! I know it's hard but get active! Do something to stay mentally active and fresh.
Learn to cook new foods or recipes. Jog, walk, get a dog. Volunteer at a place you might like.
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Good morning George,
I have replied to you thanking you for your advice but I don't seem to see my reply. So I am writing to you again to thank you.
Your advice on keeping the word PUSH in my everyday life worked wonders. I got out of the house finally!!! Went to the Library, visited a friend and made my bed, did my dishes that were left over unwashed for days. Throughout my day I kept on saying PUSH Sylvie, PUSH when I had moments of just feeling like lying down that word truly worked.Originally posted by George View Post
Merci
Sylvie
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I'm glad it helped. For me, mornings are the worst. That's when my moods are at their lowest. But I get up and PUSH myself through it.
Keep busy and also get a proper sleep routine too!
Have a good day!!!
GeorgeComment
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Hello Sylvie. I've never heard the word PUSH used in quite the way George has described. I can see where it could be a mighty tool at times. I'm glad it has helped you! You accomplished a lot - way to go
Although I don't attend AA, I do go to a couple of support groups. It's not unusual for someone to stop going and then return again, sometimes several times. I've done it myself. It's fine. One way of getting back into meetings is to phone somebody in the group you feel more or less comfortable with (explain your anxiety if it helps) and ask them to go with you, and by that I mean walk in with you and sit down with you. I've seen that approach work wonders.
As for feeling judged for bipolar or anything else, some people are great at judging. They soon move past you and on to judging somebody else. Nowhere is it written that we have to be friends with these people. And it's surprising how many other people have enough troubles of their own that they can't be bothered judging us. Then there are the ones who, although they may not show it, actually admire and take courage from someone with a mental illness who is brave enough to be honest about it. I think there are more of those than we realize.uni
~ it's always worth it ~Comment
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Hello Uni, thank you for welcoming me. You are right about people judging us ... often I know it is just in my mind and not a true reality. Asking someone to give me a lift at the meeting and join me is something I did think about I just didn't make that call yesterday. Felt a bit tired yesterday. So I haven't attented my meeting like I said I would. Still have lots of time next week to go.
As for attending AA, after 2 years soon I am still wondering if it is the right group for me as no one talks about mental illness, bipolar etc. and I feel I can not vent or explain what I am going through. It is one of the reasons I joined this group.Comment
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Screw AA group
It seems that again they have not put my name and date of abstinence in their June calendar. They did that the first year as well although I did sign in their BOOK of MEMBERS.
This pisses me off... this is déjà vu... that group has just not worked for me causing me more downs and anxiousness then joy.
I have had it !!! Screw that AA group, I will celebrate my 2 years of abstinence with my true friends. I never felt comfortable anyways, never could vent like this Bipolar Forum.
I have this group, my therapist and if need be I will register on an online AA group.
I firstly seek peace, calm and a balanced life not just AA.
Thanks for listening...
Sylvie
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for you, Sylvie.
uni
~ it's always worth it ~Comment
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Hi everyone and good day to all of you.
Thanks for the hugs Uni.
I am happy to say that I have a different attitude towards AA now. I plan on returning to my meeting in July. For now I am at peace and will celebrate 2 years of sobriety tomorrow. I am so grateful as the sobriety has made my life a more peaceful one and I finally realized that with the meds for being Bipolar it was quite a dangerous cocktail.Comment
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Congratulations Pinkviolet on two years of sobriety!!!
uni
~ it's always worth it ~Comment
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