This will be ramble-y so I apologize in advance.
I began treatment for BPdepression almost 3 years ago. I am a difficult patient because I am terrified to gaining weight. My first PDoc added topamax to my Rx cocktail and everything was pretty good (some ups and downs but not too high or too low). I switched doctors (first one moved) and my new PDoc took away the topamax because he wanted me on lithium. I didn't think too much of going off topamax but lithium.... well it didn't work well for me. I became obsessed with the weight gain side effects and my anxiety was high all the time. He took me off and never replaced it with anything else. I gained a total of 30 lbs since being off topamax.
I am in an awful state. I am so very very depressed. I'm used to BP Depression - I have no reason to be depressed I just "am". This depression is 1000% about my weight. Purely situational. I have no clothes, underwear or bras that fit. I can't wear my wedding ring anymore and cringe when my husband "looks" at me or tries to touch me. I don't want to go out of the house because I'm so embarrassed and have nothing to wear. I have had many suicidal thoughts and started googling the best ways to commit suicide. Neither my counsellor or PDoc seemed to think this was anything that needed attention. Apparently researching suicide methods can be calming?
I am told that something will eventually work and then I won't be depressed and will get back to my starting weight because I'll be "happy" again and can focus and have energy.
I just want to be on my original cocktail when I first started to see him. Lamical and Topamax. I have never specifically asked for this as I'm afraid I'll look like I'm drug seeking.
I completely disagree with my PDoc's treatment but he won't budge - Lithium. That's it. That is all there is for me. I am thinking of dropping him and going to a private after hours psychiatry clinic and hope for the best.
What do you do when you don't trust your Dr or when your Dr. doesn't hear what you are saying??
I began treatment for BPdepression almost 3 years ago. I am a difficult patient because I am terrified to gaining weight. My first PDoc added topamax to my Rx cocktail and everything was pretty good (some ups and downs but not too high or too low). I switched doctors (first one moved) and my new PDoc took away the topamax because he wanted me on lithium. I didn't think too much of going off topamax but lithium.... well it didn't work well for me. I became obsessed with the weight gain side effects and my anxiety was high all the time. He took me off and never replaced it with anything else. I gained a total of 30 lbs since being off topamax.
I am in an awful state. I am so very very depressed. I'm used to BP Depression - I have no reason to be depressed I just "am". This depression is 1000% about my weight. Purely situational. I have no clothes, underwear or bras that fit. I can't wear my wedding ring anymore and cringe when my husband "looks" at me or tries to touch me. I don't want to go out of the house because I'm so embarrassed and have nothing to wear. I have had many suicidal thoughts and started googling the best ways to commit suicide. Neither my counsellor or PDoc seemed to think this was anything that needed attention. Apparently researching suicide methods can be calming?
I am told that something will eventually work and then I won't be depressed and will get back to my starting weight because I'll be "happy" again and can focus and have energy.
I just want to be on my original cocktail when I first started to see him. Lamical and Topamax. I have never specifically asked for this as I'm afraid I'll look like I'm drug seeking.
I completely disagree with my PDoc's treatment but he won't budge - Lithium. That's it. That is all there is for me. I am thinking of dropping him and going to a private after hours psychiatry clinic and hope for the best.
What do you do when you don't trust your Dr or when your Dr. doesn't hear what you are saying??
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