This is my first post here so I apologize if it is a bit disorganized.
Back in September I was experiencing extreme paranoia and distrust with my partner of almost 8 years (at the time). He has never cheated on me or really given me any reason to have so much paranoia and distrust, I assume all of this comes from a potential dual diagnosis of BPD and Bipolar Disorder. I was crying every single day thinking he was doing things behind my back and snooping like crazy to find any evidence to support my suspicions. At the same time, I was experiencing an overwhelming boost in my libido despite my depressed mood. I had bought some new lingerie and was taking lots of nudes to send to him and we were having *** as much as possible. Anyways, long story short, I was in the middle of snooping in his email one day and found a Zoosk sign up email, seeing this sent me spiraling into the "what ifs...". What if he has been cheating on me this whole time? What if I was right all along? What if he doesn't love me anymore? What if I'm not enough? I became angry with myself for being such a fool and believing I was the one for him this whole time and figured well, if he has been cheating on me this whole time I might as well do a little something behind his back just in case...(where is the logic here, how does this make anything better?). I decided to post nude photos of myself online and I started talking to the members of this online forum and developed an emotional affair with one of them. An emotional affair was not my intention and it wasn't my intention to find someone new, I was just trying to make myself feel better about myself. Now I feel addicted to it and everyday I show less and less interest in my partner and more interest in any other man who is a little bit attractive. I feel like because of all this I have now fallen out of love with my partner but I desperately want to try to get back to the love we had before because despite my trust issues and paranoia, I only had eyes for him before all of this. I don't know how to go back. I feel like such a hypocrite.
Also, I forgot to mention, the crying spells became too much and I was emotionally exhausted I went to the doctors (mid-October) and was prescribed Effexor XR (75 mg) and I started posting nudes online and talking to strangers mid-November. I am curious if anyone thinks Effexor could be a part of the massive attitude change towards my partner. There was also a emotional affair two years into our relationship when I went off Prozac cold turkey, another reason why I think the medication has something to do with it...or maybe I am just a shitty person. I can't tell. Thanks in advance to anyone who reads this...
Back in September I was experiencing extreme paranoia and distrust with my partner of almost 8 years (at the time). He has never cheated on me or really given me any reason to have so much paranoia and distrust, I assume all of this comes from a potential dual diagnosis of BPD and Bipolar Disorder. I was crying every single day thinking he was doing things behind my back and snooping like crazy to find any evidence to support my suspicions. At the same time, I was experiencing an overwhelming boost in my libido despite my depressed mood. I had bought some new lingerie and was taking lots of nudes to send to him and we were having *** as much as possible. Anyways, long story short, I was in the middle of snooping in his email one day and found a Zoosk sign up email, seeing this sent me spiraling into the "what ifs...". What if he has been cheating on me this whole time? What if I was right all along? What if he doesn't love me anymore? What if I'm not enough? I became angry with myself for being such a fool and believing I was the one for him this whole time and figured well, if he has been cheating on me this whole time I might as well do a little something behind his back just in case...(where is the logic here, how does this make anything better?). I decided to post nude photos of myself online and I started talking to the members of this online forum and developed an emotional affair with one of them. An emotional affair was not my intention and it wasn't my intention to find someone new, I was just trying to make myself feel better about myself. Now I feel addicted to it and everyday I show less and less interest in my partner and more interest in any other man who is a little bit attractive. I feel like because of all this I have now fallen out of love with my partner but I desperately want to try to get back to the love we had before because despite my trust issues and paranoia, I only had eyes for him before all of this. I don't know how to go back. I feel like such a hypocrite.
Also, I forgot to mention, the crying spells became too much and I was emotionally exhausted I went to the doctors (mid-October) and was prescribed Effexor XR (75 mg) and I started posting nudes online and talking to strangers mid-November. I am curious if anyone thinks Effexor could be a part of the massive attitude change towards my partner. There was also a emotional affair two years into our relationship when I went off Prozac cold turkey, another reason why I think the medication has something to do with it...or maybe I am just a shitty person. I can't tell. Thanks in advance to anyone who reads this...
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