I had a good title, but the site keeps logging me off

[guilt-n-shame]

I don't even know why I'm still alive: I'm a stupid, worthless idiot who can't do anything right. I'm too lazy, so nothing ever gets done. I don't want this anymore. I'm tired of living in squalor and I'm even more tired that I know that it'll never get better. And now I have a woman breathing down my neck (that's how I perceive it, even though she's being very respectful) trying to help me to help her to help me to get a job. It's really nice that she wants to help, but I don't want help finding a job, I want help finding a way to die. With the government's new legislation on euthanasia, that's becoming less of a viable option. I'm sick of everything and I don't know why everything is not yet sick of me. I keep punching my head hoping that I can either give myself a concussion or, preferably (yet not realistically), collapse my cranium. Maybe I should just get a bunch of firecrackers, put em in my mouth and light the fuses. Problem with that is that there's only a small chance it'll actually kill me. I'm terrified of attempting suicide, not because I'm scared of the unknown, but that I'm scared that no matter what I do it won't be enough. I picture myself standing at the end of a subway platform, hidden from view, and sticking my head out over the track just as the train passes, the result being a concussion or just a bad headache. This seems improbable, but my body has this way of becoming either incredibly limber so as to absorb blunt-force trauma or toughening to reflect/redirect any applied force. I'm not going to deal with another failed attempt (even though I know that failure is the first step toward success). I don't want this, I don't care, I hate everything and pretty much everybody. I'm wasting space, resources, time. I'm just a black hole sucking everything into itself, nothing can escape, and I'll likely live forever (or several billion years, whichever comes first) in drudgery. Can someone here give me some advice on the best way to kill myself?

[AJ]

Guilt-and-shame, if you're looking for some advice on the best way to kill yourself I would seriously consider going to the hospital. I know it's not ideal but it will keep you safe and perhaps you will get the kind of support you need. Keep us posted on how you're doing.

[bucky310]

I'm going to agree with AJ. Head on over to the hospital.

Stay safe.

[AJ]

I'm going to close this thread. Guilt-n-shame I truly do hope you get the help you need. The forums are limited in the kind of help they can give you. It is a good place to express feelings, even the hard ones, to vent or just hang out, but if you are actively suicidal the hospital would be the best place to go for help.