Hello.

[The Quiet One]

I'm twenty years old, in my third year at a University. I have two loving parents, decent grades and future career prospects, even a fair amount of friends that like me for who I am and genuinely seem to enjoy my company. I even quite like the way that I look, for the first time in forever (before I had really bad acne and braces and I had a pretty delayed growth spurt). It's embarrassing to admit, while acknowledging all this, that I am not happy. I never was. I was much more miserable before than I am now, when I was in grade 10 I was close to tears at every moment and sometimes, I just couldn't hold it in any longer and after quickly running to a bathroom or some other private place, I would start crying without a reason.
While the pain is less intense, I am less hopeful now than ever. I can think of a hundred ways how my situation could be worse, but I can't think of one where it could be better. I don't have any goals, or things I want. I have no hobbies that I enjoy, and I've tried everything I could come up with. I've tried soccer, tennis, volleyball, swimming, running, chess, even online gaming. I've read a very large number of books, studied arts, music, maths, sciences, history, languages, computer science, physics ... I'm moving through life like a swimmer through an endless ocean. I am tired and don't believe there is any shore in any direction, but I paddle anyway because there is nothing to be gained by letting myself drown. There are so many people worse off than I am, some of them on this very forum, people that were dealt a really lousy hand and who are playing it as best they can and whom I feel I am betraying by not acting more grateful of what I was given. Anyways, I don't know where I was going with all of this. I just wanted to share it with someone else I guess. Thanks for reading.

[AJ]

Welcome to the forum The Quiet One. Depression can be something we deal with in spite of our circumstances,

If you have many things 'going for you' then there is often guilt mixed in with the many other emotions that go along with depression. Depression hurts, it doesn't matter what your circumstances are.

Even though you may know that there may be others who are 'worse off' than you, it doesn't change what you have to deal with. Your challenges in life still exist.

I'm moving through life like a swimmer through an endless ocean

There have been times that the only way thru the day was to wear my life jacket and hang on. The winds will shift and the tide will change. You will find your way to shore. It may not feel like it, but you can get better.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist? Family doctor? On medication? Treating depression can involve many things such as medication, therapy, and CBT to name a few.

Perhaps you have, but it's always a good idea to start with a checkup. That would eliminate any physical causes to your depression, not to mention attending to other findings that may come up.

[catman]

Hi The Quiet One. I've definitely been there before. Not only is it hard enough when you feel like you don't have enough reason to be unhappy, but when people are telling you to cheer up and that there are worse off people out there, it makes the guilt that much stronger. I definitely agree with AJ about treatment. If you're going the checkup route, making an appointment is a great first step - not too overwhelming (though making appointments often can be for myself), but a big step in building a healthier you.

I found a picture that's a bit sad, but very relevant to me. If you want to see it, here's the link: http://i.imgur.com/fqGyZ9A.jpg?fb

Sometimes when all seems well, depression can poke its head in and say, hey, remember me? Which reminds me of this image: https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t5...MzQ2NA%3D%3D.2

My point being that for myself, as ironic as it may be, I sometimes feel less depressed when something bad happens. The guilt wears off because I feel I actually have something to be upset about.

[paul m]

Hello The Quiet One and welcome. Pain is an odd item. What one person can withstand easily, the next person cannot stand at all. The ability to withstand pain has very little to do with our personal fortitude. Pain comes in both mental and physical types. No matter the type of pain, great pain makes life very hard to enjoy.

When we have a physical pain often we can pin point it and find ways to reduce or eliminate the pain. But when it comes to mental pain, it is much harder to pin point, much less eliminate. Depression is a kind of mental pain that prevents us from enjoying life. It may not look or act like the pain from a severe physical injury or illness, but it can make us just as unhappy.

Worse still, when we suffer from depression, we may appear to be in fine shape and others wonder what we have to feel bad about. If I break my arm, people know that I have a broken arm and may have sympathy and usually I can expect a time frame when I will feel better.

The other really unfortunate thing about depression is that it tends to give many of us a really negative self image of our selves. Not too many other illnesses do that. If I break my arm, I may call myself a klutz and swear never to do that again, but when depression sets in I feel like I am a klutz , permanently.

Depression usually can be beaten, so don't give up. Please feel free to ask more questions, answer other people's questions, make comments and/or use the forums to vent out some of the frustrations brought about by not feeling well. Take Care. paul m