Trying to find meaning

[Ofelia]

I've posted before, I struggle with Body Dysmorphic Disorder, major depression and anxiety and they have, especially over the last week or so, absolutely destroyed any will I had to live. According to my brain, being ugly is the absolute worst thing that could happen to me and so, naturally, I have to kill myself. The thoughts that I am ugly bombard me constantly and it is a Herculean effort to combat them. Today I woke up after five straight days of weeping and screaming and just falling prey to hysteria and huge panic attacks. Today I've been trying not to engage with any of the thoughts - not bargaining with them, arguing with them, nothing. The problem is, in my heart I still feel ugly and worthless. I want to try to find meaning in something OTHER than my appearance. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to find meaning while struggling with major depression? What are some things I could try - artistic pursuits, learning new skills, volunteering etc. I'm open to any suggestions.

[Neli]

That sounds so debilitating. My heart goes out to you. While I don't have Body Dysmorphic Disorder I do suffer from an inner voice that tells me constantly I'm a BAD person. This voice is especially present during bouts of anxiety. I have found lovingkindness meditation to be somewhat helpful although it can be frustrating when it's not working. If your'e not familiar with it, there are numerous meditation apps you can download and among them you will find some lovingkindness ones. I have had my therapist hypnotize me and insert suggestions that counter this inner voice. Also, I use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy techniques to examine the "evidence". Finally, I use distraction as much as possible. I hope you will find at least one of these suggestions as something new to try. If you don't have a therapist (I know they're expensive!) seek out someone who does CBT and mindfulness. I've made my therapy a priority as far as budget goes and it has been well worth it. Best of luck. Keep us posted on how you're doing.

Neli

[teri]

I like to exercise with my headphones on and listen to music really loud it tends to drown out my thoughts. Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.Sending you love and positive thoughts

[paul m]

Hello Ofelia. I find that volunteering has helped me a lot. It takes my mind off of my problems and puts me thinking about someone else's problem's. Rigorous exercise also helps. For some people any rigorous exercise(also known as sweat exercise because you work up a sweat) helps, but not me. The idea behind sweat exercise is to have your body release endorphins. Endorphins are contected with producing pleasurable feelings in the brain long after the workout has ended.

I find that a rigourous workout, where I don't have to think (lifting weights, running, walking fast etc), doesn't do as much for me as playing hockey or some other activity where I have to think about what I'm doing rather than just doing something and thinking bad thoughts. When I do walk, I prefer a route that keeps me occupied ( hiking for one) or one that is fairly busy so I have to pay attention where I'm going. Just plain walking , helps, providing I don't use the time to think bad thoughts. Take Care. paul m

[quack424]

Hi Ofelia,

Well, one of the features of major depression is that it is hard to find meaning in things, including things that used to interest us. I have bipolar disorder, so my usual trick is to wait patiently for the next swing, but this does not always happen fast.
Artistic pursuits can be great. I toyed with painting. I am absolutely terrible at it, but it was a needed distraction. You could try writing - paper is cheap! I would say write with pen and paper, finding a place outside your home, or at least a place that becomes a 'work place'.
When I did have major depression, I wrote tons of bad poetry, and some short stories with great ideas but lame execution. But they kept me busy when writing plays (a thing I had some talent at) was going nowhere.

Hope you find something!

[Kaight]

Hi all, thought this thread had lots of good suggestions for giving or minds a break.

I have tried several of the aforementioned activities. Physical exercise is great one. I find that I get the best results if I do something significant (like a 5k walk/jog) at least every 48 hours. After that it seems my mind starts telling me it is not worth it... motivation wanes quickly.

Painting was good too - especially while I was taking classes.

Writing is good too - I did a session where I went to the local coffee shop every Friday afternoon and wrote freely about positive things. I couldn't do this at home, my home was too familiar, I only saw all the pain and suffering i had been going through with a recent depression.

I haven't tried volunteering, but i imagine it is a great way to "get away from ourselves" for a little while.

Take care,
Kaight