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    Advice wanted

    How do I care about things? I'm unemployed because I just don't care. What can I do so that I will care?

    #2
    Why do you think you don't care? Depression? Boredom with previous jobs? Other factors?
    AJ

    Humans punish themselves endlessly
    for not being what they believe they should be.
    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

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      #3
      Hello Guilt-n-shame. I can sympathize with you and understand that life can be pretty bleak when we don't care or have hope. I don't have any advice that I haven't given to you in the past, but I can wish you the best of luck trying to find something to care about. Take Care. paul m
      "Alone we can do so little;
      Together we can do so much"
      Helen Keller

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        #4
        It is very hard to be in the "don't care" mode when depressed. How do you start to care again? I don't know but I have a suggestion you might try - in any given situation ask yourself "what would I do right now if I did care?" and then do it. The old "act as if", "fake it till you make it" strategy. It might help you begin to experience some feeling of caring or it might at the very least help with some damage control. Best wishes to you! Stay in touch.

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          #5
          Find a passionate hobby that you love and keep doing it, it will make you feel better.
          "If we new what we were doing we wouldn't call it research......" Albert Einstein

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            #6
            AJ - I developed this attitude (I surmise, as it happened 27 years ago) when I experienced 2 instances within a couple of months of each other when I was 8 that - although I can't recall consciously deciding to "give up" - that caused me to essentially stop caring which wasn't noticeable to anyone (that I know of) because I was 'smart' enough to get through school without doing homework, studying, participating in class, etc. I mean, it would be obvious to anyone that compared my records, as I went from a B student in grade 3 to being a solid D student at the end of high school (for which I returned for an extra year under the guise of wanting to improve my grades; I just wanted to take more arts courses). Of course, I only realized the possible connection (at the very least correlation) within the last year, at most.

            Paul - I do care about a few things, but I have neurotic complexes regarding those things. I'll explain in more detail, which I suppose I could've done in my response to AJ... I love music, I have for as long as I can remember. My parents enrolled my sister in voice lessons at the age of 3 (because they wanted to focus her constant screaming) - she now has her Masters in operatic performance; my parents enrolled my brother in piano lessons at age 3 after he broke multiple Fisher Price drums from over-use - he has his Masters in piano performance. I assumne that I was enrolled in piano lessons around the same age simply because my older siblings started music lessons at that age, but I don't remember because I was hit by a car when I was 6, losing the majority of previous memories. After spending 2 months in the hospital (a great way to spend summer vacation, five stars), I was put [back] into piano lessons and for 2 years, I had fun (I didn't care that I always got the lowest score in competitions), but at age 8 at my final piano competition, the judges decided to explain why they judged us the way they did: everyone else, from what I recall, had fairly glowing reviews with some nit-picky comments for most (everyone was marked in the high 80s with the exception of one who got a score in the low 90s). When they got to me, the head judge commented that I got a low score based on the fact that I wasn't using the proper technique of holding my hands raised above the keyboard. My mother - who had accompanied me to the competition - didn't approach the judge to let him know that I can't play piano with proper technique because I need support for the tremour in my left arm. I (subconsciously) gave up mostly then. And a few months later, the school district band program was recruiting members for their beginners' band; I was super-excited because I had always wanted to play the clarinet (because I knew that I could transfer to the saxophone after getting a handle on the clarinet): why would I think I was able to play the clarinet? The director explained to me (in a condescending tone, which was quite a feat seeing as I was 8) that I wouldn't be able to support the instrument correctly which would affect my playing. So I thought I could take up percussion but ran into the same issue. I ran through all of the other instruments until I was left with the "choice" of either the tuba or the baritone (a small tuba). That choice was stripped from me because the beginners' band already had 2 tuba players. With no choice, I stopped caring even more. Why bother with anything if everything I want is going to be denied. Of course that's an over-simplification, but keep in mind this was when I was 8. I was in trouble every rehearsal with the administrator because I didn't fill out the practice sheets to earn merits (because I didn't bother practicing [the baritone essentially has the same line {at least in beginner/junior/junior high band lines, so I was able to 'fake it']), or just skipping out on rehearsal entirely. One bright note, I suppose, is that I've finally started witing music again.

            Neli - Thanks for the advice, but the fake it 'til you make it mantra has never worked for me.

            Stenacron Man - Not sure how familiar you are with depression, but it tends to decimate even the notion of passion.

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              #7
              Hi guilt-and-shame. I hope you find your way to a place where there are things that matter to you.
              AJ

              Humans punish themselves endlessly
              for not being what they believe they should be.
              -Don Miguel Ruiz-

              Comment


                #8
                It's been painful for you. I'll be frank with you though, it sounds like a lot of blaming others instead of owning up and taking responsibility for yourself in being able to make a choice. It sounds ludicrous I know. Make a choice to look for ways to actually give a crap?? Yes. I know that I might not care at times when I'm in a low mood state but I also know that I won't be in those awful states for eternity, that I have the choice to keep looking towards the future and doing things I know I'll soon care about again. I believe you have this ability too to choose to look for things to care about; I know you've the ability to choose to believe you'll not always feel like this. I wish you well.

                Ladysunshine

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                  #9
                  guilt-n-shame It's a tough road..and I can feel that in your writing. But the best thing I think I can offer to you is this piece of advice: The first rule of battling depression is fighting the urge to give up. It may sound silly but one has to start somewhere, right? And in my opinion it begins and ends right there, you've got to put all your strength and devote all your effort to avoid that trap. It can easily become a circular argument I know but I really do believe that's the place to start. In my own experience I've been able to avoid throwing in the towel for 2 reasons. 1- I've always disliked that in others and since I was something of an athlete in my youth, quitting was just never an option and when others seemed to do so it made me mad. and 2- I motivate myself my challenging myself with this famous phrase my father taught me and that was, "Any a$$hole can do that". Any time my dad wanted to demonstrate to me that a given behavior was undesirable, he would say that. Giving up certainly applies. Anybody can do that but you have it in you to overcome, otherwise you wouldn't be here. Best wishes and thanks for sharing.

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