Suicide after 40

[Sixmcbride]

Ive been reading a lot lately about the rise is suicides amonst males 40-55. Apperantly mankond had a "happiness arc" that has the happiest part of our lifes at the start as kids and at the end as elders, but that part in the middle stinks. So as men realize that their dreams arent going to happen and they are merely worker bees in hive world the idea of ending it all starts to appeal.

as i read this article i started to connect with a lot of what was said. I love my kids, but as they grow more and more indepenant, im needed less and less. My job is JUST a job. I focused to much on a paycheque that i skipped the passion for work. My social calender is nonexsistant. Even "Date Night" has become "you stay with the kids, im going out" i leave the house to get coffee or to work, thats it.

i understand the over 40 crowd. I get why suicides are on the rise. I have kids and wpuld never hurt them like that. But i still fantasize and dream. It used to be about baseball. Now the end.

i can't wait until old age. I want to be happy again.

[bucky310]

Hi sixmcbride.

I can definitely understand the desire to feel happy again. I personally have had a bit of decline in happiness since leaving school and becoming a worker bee. I do have happy moments during the day as most of the people I work with are excellent (few exceptions) and we joke around a lot while getting work done.

However, when I go home I tend to be lonely sometimes and sometimes I enjoy the solitude. My therapist keeps quoting someone who said "the cure for loneliness is solitude". I'm not so certain I agree. I would definitely welcome a romantic companion but it is difficult for me to find one. Having been ***ually abused at around 12 or 13 years old (thank God I can't remember how old) really messed me up later on in life. I consistently avoid asking girls out because I'm afraid of their rejection. And am constantly convincing myself that I am not a handsome man. Anything I can do to prove to my brain that it's not a good idea. However, the pain I'm sparing myself now is causing greater pain later. And again, there are times when I don't care that I'm single and would rather be this way than to deal with someone else's needs as well as my own.

My blabbing on aside. I hope that this is a short feeling for you and you return to happiness soon. I feel that my depression and anxiety is best described as a roller coaster. Some days I'm happy and fine, and others I'm down and want to be alone. The good thing is, it passes and becomes more up than down.

This too shall pass.

Hope you're feeling better!

Take care.

[Sixmcbride]

You seem to understand almost exactly whats in my head. Ive never been abused. I have no moment in my backstory that explains why im terrible with women.

i also have the good days and the bad. Lot of bad lately. My last relationship ended slowly and as more information filters down i realize how little i meant. I thought i was getting involved with an amazing woman until she told me about her new boyfriend.

im like Florida. Nice to visit, but you wouldnt want to live there.

[ashfay22]

I think you are being a little too hard on yourself, and should maybe give yourself some more credit.
1: you mentioned you have kids who are getting older. give yourself a pat on the back for raising them up to this point. I feel like we should think of our children as an extension of ourselves. If they are decent humans, which I'm sure they are, you've done something right.
2: you also mentioned never wanting to hurt your children by commiting suicide, another thing you should be commending yourself for. You seem like a caring, compassionate individual.

What you should maybe try to do is find a hobby that you enjoy. It could be anything... from checking out local shows at a local bar, or maybe even doing something like making homebrews... who knows! The point is to try something new because you'll never know what might happen from it.
We all get that dull, mundane, routine feel of "work eat sleep repeat". I feel like that alot.
but what i do in between is what keeps life exciting.
So give it a shot, and try to keep your chin up
Hope this helps!

[csm101]

Man did you nail this, I'm 52 and feel i'm ready to go. I can understand why. kids go... then come back. Parents pass away... your time in life when you realize you job is not going to be any better. Its a bad time for men for sure. I should know I feel it now. most nights I feel if I dont wake up.. thats fine by me.

[Iamsosorry]

i just turned 40 and i am filled with constant fear. i don't know how much longer i can go on.

[TallPineTree]

I am not a man and not in my 40s and 50s. I'm 30. However, I can relate to suicide. I can still relate to the same things. I don't have anyone that needs me and one parent passed not too long ago and I fewl so isolated as my friends have got married, got great jobs and kids, they move on with their lives. I try so hard but can'tget out of being stuck with a job that stresses.me out, no husband or kids or friends that have some time to spare. We are kind of in a simialr situation but causes are different, so thus, I have reached the same conclusion; suicide is a great option. However, I keep hearing that once you pass away, you are passing the pain you feel onto others. I hate that saying, as why do I have to be the barer of pain to save the pain from so many others around me? For a point in time I started to be mean to people to hate me so I can leave without hurting them. I am sorry, you are probably looking for a case as to why suicide is wrong but I am trying to figure that out myself.