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    #16
    Thank you, Paul and AJ
    uni

    ~ it's always worth it ~

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      #17
      You're welcome Uni. I'm doing my writing today.
      AJ

      Humans punish themselves endlessly
      for not being what they believe they should be.
      -Don Miguel Ruiz-

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        #18
        Uni I'm so sorry here are virtual hugs. Odd I'm in the same boat but dependent on him for shelter and he's quite harsh. Gotten to the point he even admits he wouldn't ignore clients, coworkers etc like he does me. Night before my bday he accesses me of something about being jealous of some client. I said excuse me? when and no took three hours mn. for him to reread it. I get apologies via email and I love you miss you but not verbally. He doesn't even notice or ask when I'm gone. I have to hold on but trying to save enough for a few months rents and near hosp and doctor for cheap cab when i'll no longer be able to drive. Spinal surgery didn't work out as they planned. If I hear the words trying and effort one more time. I have enough self hatred I give myself

        sorry my stupid head this is about you I was just trying to saying I totally understand given my event and how you are much stronger than I ,

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          #19
          Thank you AJ and Purgatory, I appreciate your responses; they help me feel a little better.

          AJ, I hope your writing is helpful!

          Purgatory, my heart goes out to you in your situation. I don't think your head is stupid, or either of us is stronger than the other. We are both still here, and in the game, so good for us!

          So far I'm not wild about this relationship break. I miss b/f and want to talk with him. I guess that's to be expected. Most days aren't great. However, I do have times of insight and do some journaling which does help. I'm leaning heavily on my support people (who probably deserve medals!) I have shed a few tears but not many. I seem to be holding quite a lot of emotions in physically and my stomach feels sick much of the time. However, I do have times of feeling angry, and sad, and even loving. Lonely is a big one, despite functioning (more or less) and distracting myself and interacting with people.

          I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do with this time. The main idea is to think about the relationship and my part in it, and hopefully come to some conclusion about how I'd like things to go. Right now I'm nothing but upset and emotional. I know it will pass, but I just needed to come on here and post about it. Thanks for reading.
          uni

          ~ it's always worth it ~

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            #20
            Well, yesterday I finally had a 4-tissue crying session. It helped. What set it off was listening to an old song. Afterward I felt sort of emptied out, like a bunch of awfulness left my body, that's the best way I can explain it. It was draining but a relief. I was even able to get back at some of my "recreational" writing (not journaling).

            Today I still feel somewhat physically less pent-up, although the unsettling thoughts still want to intrude. This will take a while, that's for sure.

            AJ, how did your writing go?
            uni

            ~ it's always worth it ~

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              #21
              Hi Uni. It's not going. Relationship & extended family issues ... ugh. I'm doing a lot of walking. Thanks for asking.
              AJ

              Humans punish themselves endlessly
              for not being what they believe they should be.
              -Don Miguel Ruiz-

              Comment


                #22
                I hear you AJ. Sometimes I think it would be nice to be like Mr. Spock and operate purely from logic, with no emotions!
                Are you still doing a lot of walking? I know it can help. However, this is a case of do as I say and not as I do I hope things calm down for you soon.
                uni

                ~ it's always worth it ~

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                  #23
                  I walk an hour and 15 to 30 mins with my dog every morning. Now that it's nice out, I spend hours outside doing yard work and other chores outside. It's way better then sitting in the house.
                  AJ

                  Humans punish themselves endlessly
                  for not being what they believe they should be.
                  -Don Miguel Ruiz-

                  Comment


                    #24
                    Sounds like you're onto something AJ!
                    uni

                    ~ it's always worth it ~

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                      #25
                      I'm still having far too much awfulness, but am making progress in getting insight and some perspective. Got in to see my psychologist (expensive because now she's in private practice, but worth it to me at this point) and it helped me get "unstuck". So I'm journaling a lot, staying in close touch with supportive friends, and even doing some meditation. I need some inner calm in order to deal with the situation. At least I feel like I'm getting somewhere, which I didn't before. Not out of the woods, but at least on the trail....
                      uni

                      ~ it's always worth it ~

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                        #26
                        Hello Uni. I hope that you can find the trail that leads out of the woods. Take Care. paul m
                        "Alone we can do so little;
                        Together we can do so much"
                        Helen Keller

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                          #27
                          Having done a lot of hiking, I can tell you that being on a trail greatly reduces your chance of getting lost
                          AJ

                          Humans punish themselves endlessly
                          for not being what they believe they should be.
                          -Don Miguel Ruiz-

                          Comment


                            #28
                            Thanks Paul and AJ. Glad to know I'm reducing the chance of getting lost -- or at least lost-er than I already am! I'm checking the moss on the sides of trees to see direction. I heard that works but it may be a rural legend. The moss is full of bugs but oh well
                            Last edited by uni; May 23rd, 2019, 11:54 PM. Reason: apparently words need spaces between them
                            uni

                            ~ it's always worth it ~

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                              #29
                              Hello Uni. It's been my experience that moss can grow on any side of the tree including all around the tree in a circle. I go in enough circles with out following the moss LOL. Take Care. paul m
                              "Alone we can do so little;
                              Together we can do so much"
                              Helen Keller

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                                #30
                                I'm glad I'm not the only one! Circles, zigzags, polygons, you name it Oh well at least I'm still moving.

                                Will be meeting with b/f today for the first time in a month. Who knows how it will go. I remind myself that I only need to be honest and say how I feel, and respect his point of view too. Simple enough really, but not easy. I've asked for a guardian angel to offset the little demons that tell me to shoot arrows instead....
                                uni

                                ~ it's always worth it ~

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