I can’t describe it but something seems all wrong. I feel like I hardly know what’s real and what’s not. I feel like I could wake up from a dream any second now and everything would be totally different. I can’t reach for the future and that’s scary. People my age have kids and live on their own and I can’t even imagine. I don’t think I could. I don’t think I could take care of them. And it wouldn’t be because I didn’t know how, it would be because I physically couldn’t cope with it. Maybe it would be different if I was in that place right now, but I feel like it’s a struggle just to do what I do. My soul feels tired. I feel heavy. I try to think about lifestyle changes, but I always feel the same way. Like nothing I could possibly do would help. That no matter what, I would feel pain doing even what I love. Realizing that nothing I do will ever be enough. Feeling alone when no one is around, and sometimes crowded and irritable when they are. Feeling like nothing matters, like everything is just out of reach, like I am not strong enough to do anything on my own but I am the only one who can live my life and attempt to follow my dreams. I’m not really certain what my dreams are because any time I think about anything I feel simply overwhelmed and exhausted and I can’t imagine what a dream is let alone what mine are. I fear that even if I achieve my dreams nothing will change and I will still feel the same way. I keep doing what I’m doing but it keeps getting worse. I’m tired.
I just had to get that out somehow. If you got this far, thanks for reading.
I just had to get that out somehow. If you got this far, thanks for reading.
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