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About to turn 19, but still lost

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    About to turn 19, but still lost

    Hello,
    I don't really know what to do and I don't even know what's wrong with me. I'm about to turn 19 (female) in a week and I have no idea what kind of job I want in the future. I'm in university, about to go into second year and I'm just declaring a random major since I really don't care what I do. My life is just made up of routines since I don't enjoy anything. I go to the gym every morning, but only because my brother forces me to, then I take a shower, then I go to school, I come home, and sleep. I gave up on socializing or making new friends in my class since it feels pointless. I put off meeting my friends from high school because I don't feel like I have the energy to go out. I tried sleeping 4 hours a day, 8 hours a day, even 14 hours a day and no matter what, I feel tired the whole day. When I search up my symptoms, it says that I may have depression. The thing is there really is no reason for me to be depressed (a supportive family, no traumatic event). I feel horrible because there are so many people that have it worse than I do, and here I am just disinterested in everything for absolutely no reason. The thing is, I used to have stuff I liked doing, like drawing and biking were my biggest hobbies when I was younger. I don't think I drew or even doodled in months. I stopped biking because at some point I got super self conscious of everything (I even feel awkward crossing the street because I feel like people in the cars are staring at me). At the gym I am constantly nervous (can't even run on the treadmill). I know people aren't focusing on me, yet I still feel self-conscious. I've always been mostly an introvert since elementary school, but I feel as though my nervousness is getting worse as time passes. At the same time, I lost interest in basically everything (even playing games or watching movies feels like a chore). I've never been a super positive person growing up so maybe this is just a part of my personality. I think I started losing interest 2 years ago, recently it got worse for no apparent reason. I don't actually cry, and I don't feel sad or happy. When I told my parents, they told me that everybody is like that, you just need to motivate yourself and be less lazy. I'm too scared to go to a walk-in clinic because what if there's actually nothing wrong with me, and I just end up embarrassing myself. (even posting anonymously on a forum makes me nervous)

    #2
    Hi Blue and welcome to the forum. Good for you for posting in spite of feeling nervous to do so. I would recommend seeing a doctor. There definitely is something going on, whether it's physical, or a mental health issue, or some of both. When is the last time you had a physical? A doctor can do some basic blood work to rule out hypothyroidism, anemia and other things that might be the cause or a contributing factor.

    Depression is not laziness. it is also not something that you can just 'snap' out of. You know there's something up, go with your gut instinct and don't pay attention to that well meaning advice.
    AJ

    Humans punish themselves endlessly
    for not being what they believe they should be.
    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

    Comment


      #3
      Thank you for replying AJ. I think the last time I went to the doctor's was when I was 15. I have only ever went when I was physically sick, so I'm not quite sure how to start the conversation about something like this. I do have a family doctor, but I don't really want my parents to find out about this, so I was thinking of going to a random walk-in clinic. I'm sorry if this is a dumb question but, do I just ask for a physical and tell them that I feel down and disinterested in everything?

      Comment


        #4
        Hello Blue and welcome. I would just tell the doc the truth,Take Care, paul m
        "Alone we can do so little;
        Together we can do so much"
        Helen Keller

        Comment


          #5
          Hi Blue!First off, I want to say donít worry about knowing or not knowing what you want to do with your life for the moment. Iím 23 and I still donít know what I want to do. I did one year at university, now Iím just working until I can get it figured out. Thereís no time frame to worry about. You can choose a major now, change it later, take an extra year or 2 if you need it, etc. lots of people do this so you wouldnít be the only one!

          second, you donít need to feel guilty for feeling the way you do. Depression (and similar disorders) can affect anyone and there isnít necessarily a reason. You could be the happiest person, with a great family life and have everything you want and need, and still become depressed. I definitely wouldnít call what you described just ďlaziness.Ē I am kind of going through something similar because I feel way different than I used to, not really sad most of the time just disinterested and not myself at all, and it may or may not be something related to depression, Iím not sure what it is, but I have felt guilty in the past for feeling that way because I have such a great life, or at least thatís what other people would see. I have an awesome supportive family, a steady job, and though I am not quite where I want to be in life I have the means to get or achieve everything I want. Yet I still feel not sad, but definitely not happy. So just know that you are not the only one!!

          Third, I would definitely agree with the others and suggest seeing a doctor. It may be difficult to explain whatís going on, and could be awkward, but from what you said I believe there could be something going on. Youíre in university, thatís a lot of work and running around, enough that it should motivate you at least a little. I usually find that laziness comes when you do nothing all the time, and that makes it hard to do anything because youre used to doing nothing. The part where you donít feel interested in any of your classes, despite attending them, I think suggests that itís not laziness or just your personality. I hope you can figure out whatís going on and start feeling better about things soon!!

          Comment


            #6
            Hi Blue. Tell the doctor how you're feeling. (This is also important in terms of what tests they order with the physical exam). Ask him/her if a physical would be a good place to start. A yearly physical is the 'golden' standard, so you're not asking for something unreasonable.
            AJ

            Humans punish themselves endlessly
            for not being what they believe they should be.
            -Don Miguel Ruiz-

            Comment


              #7
              Hey guys,

              Thank you for giving me the push that I needed. Turns out that what I was feeling was not normal. I went to a walk in clinic and found a great doctor that could help me. I would have really regretted not going. I think this doctor can help me get better slowly. My next appointment is in two weeks.

              Thanks again!

              Comment


                #8
                Thanks for the update Blue. I'm so glad you found a great doctor and have a follow up appt. in 2 weeks. Keep us posted.
                AJ

                Humans punish themselves endlessly
                for not being what they believe they should be.
                -Don Miguel Ruiz-

                Comment


                  #9
                  Blue, I can't add anything to the wonderful responses you have on this thread, except to say depression is a real illness and you don't need a circumstance or situation to be depressed if you have this illness. It's the synapses in our brains that aren't releasing enough serotonin or dopamine. Scientists are coming closer and closer to understanding how our stomachs and brains interact when it comes to depression. I'm really glad you found a doctor and have a follow-up. I had a hard time accepting I have this illness and it wasn't until I was in my 30s that I fully realized and accepted that I have depression. In our 20s we are at the prime of our life so it is difficult to accept. But if you had Lupus, Multiple Sclerosis or Cancer ... you and everyone around you would take it serious. Depression is no different. Good luck and good for you for going to the gym and university since these are really good distractions.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Thanks Quito. I'm on antidepressants now and attending weekly counselling sessions. I have gotten better lately and am hopeful for further recovery. Thank you for the replies, they really encouraged me to get help.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      That's good to hear Blue. I'm glad you're feeling better.
                      AJ

                      Humans punish themselves endlessly
                      for not being what they believe they should be.
                      -Don Miguel Ruiz-

                      Comment

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