Hello me again.. well it will be officially 3 weeks on the new meds tomorrow. I can’t even say if I feel they are working or not. Needed lorazepam this morning as usual as the pattern is peaceful falling sleeping at night
then waking up with a tight chest from anxiety. I don’t know if it is ever going to stop and it scares me. All I want is to wake up peaceful without anxiety. I was fine for years when cymbalta was working for me but I was at a better place in my life. As I’ve said changes are very difficult for me. I just want to not think about how different things are for me. I used to be off on the holiday when I was full time now I’m working. It just is a reminder of all the changes that were difficult. I want to get past this but i have obsessive tendencies that I can’t stop thinking about how things used to be. I miss my life how it was. I hate that I always compare how things used to be. If I’m not feeling anxious I’m feeling low. Anxiety hits I take lorazepam and settle down, then the low feelings start when I’m relaxed and it makes me want to cry. I can’t do any more med changes I’ve had enough. I know they say try until you get it right but I’ve had no luck with ssri’s. All of this just makes me feel I am never going to feel better and just feel badly about myself. I just want to be the person I was before.. happy laughing and enjoying life. I miss the old me so much. I’m crying right now because I long to be the person I was without crying and fear. I want to laugh again.. joke around. That was me for so many years. Life is different as I know it and I want to be back to myself. I’m tired of feeling like less with not working as much and wish things were back to how they were. I have an appt with my psych doc tomorrow I don’t know if he’s going to do any med increases. I’ll have to let him know I’ve been in tears most of the weekend
then waking up with a tight chest from anxiety. I don’t know if it is ever going to stop and it scares me. All I want is to wake up peaceful without anxiety. I was fine for years when cymbalta was working for me but I was at a better place in my life. As I’ve said changes are very difficult for me. I just want to not think about how different things are for me. I used to be off on the holiday when I was full time now I’m working. It just is a reminder of all the changes that were difficult. I want to get past this but i have obsessive tendencies that I can’t stop thinking about how things used to be. I miss my life how it was. I hate that I always compare how things used to be. If I’m not feeling anxious I’m feeling low. Anxiety hits I take lorazepam and settle down, then the low feelings start when I’m relaxed and it makes me want to cry. I can’t do any more med changes I’ve had enough. I know they say try until you get it right but I’ve had no luck with ssri’s. All of this just makes me feel I am never going to feel better and just feel badly about myself. I just want to be the person I was before.. happy laughing and enjoying life. I miss the old me so much. I’m crying right now because I long to be the person I was without crying and fear. I want to laugh again.. joke around. That was me for so many years. Life is different as I know it and I want to be back to myself. I’m tired of feeling like less with not working as much and wish things were back to how they were. I have an appt with my psych doc tomorrow I don’t know if he’s going to do any med increases. I’ll have to let him know I’ve been in tears most of the weekend
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