Anxiety and depression around friends

[iamnotthebreakman]

I don’t know if this is the right place to post this but.. I have extremely bad anxiety and depression and a lot of it comes from my interpretation of friends emotions and moods. The best way to explain it is to use what’s happening in my life right now. I have a friend who I’m good friends with but recently she seems to be acting different, less responsive, doesn’t answer calls as much, seems less interested in hanging out, etc etc.. now I mentioned this to her and said you seem to be acting a bit different and I wanted to know if it’s something I did or said (I tend to think if someone is acting different it’s my fault even though I know there’s so many reasons why someone could be) and she said no it’s nothing like that and I did believe her but like.. it just feels different than usual, it feels tense when talking to her, and usually if I have to have this discussion with a person the feeling in my gut goes away after but it’s still there.. it’s causing me insane amounts of anxiety and my depression is just getting worse and I don’t know what to do.. I’ve talked to other friends about it and it’s just.. I don’t know how to deal with this, I know no one here is going to have a magic answer or cure all for this but I just was hoping for suggestions.. any help is appreciated, thank you for taking the time to read this

[paul m]

Hello and welcome iamnotthebreakman. I can only speak for myself. Starting my late 20's the number of friends that I had started to change because I or they had changed . Partly because we just grew apart. Growing apart is common and nobodies fault, as we age we start to have different priorities and our life styles often change. Challenges that I never had before interrupted friendships . People that I knew started to have kids, marital problems, new boy/girl friends, job problems, aging parents and illnesses etc all made keeping the same friends difficult. At the time it was difficult to see, but as I look back I can see these things now.

When I started to get really ill (bipolar) I lost more friends, some didn't understand my illness and some didn't want to hear about my long string of bad luck or were unable to accept my down times. Plus on a number of days I just wasn't fun to be around. Even today I have difficulty maintaining close friends because I don't have the energy that is required to keep them. I don't phone or email or Facebook these people as often as I should.

I'm not saying that any of these circumstances apply to you, as I said, I only can talk about myself. Take Care. paul m

[AJ]

Hi iamnotthebreakman and welcome to the forum. I can relate to Paul's experience of friendships. Nothing in life is stagnant, including relationships. The world around us changes, we change. I find with age, some struggles get easier, and there are many new challenges. Priorities change and our own likes and dislikes change. Some relationships can adjust and change with life, others do not.

I find myself less inclined to share my time and energy with people who are what I call 'energy draining'. I have a friend who is as crazy about dogs as I am. She is also an avid hiker. We both have a lot going on in our own individual lives. We are very different in many ways, and in different places in life, but we can set that all aside and share a day of hiking. It is a simple friendship. There are no airs, no hidden agendas, no preconceived ideas or prejudices. Those kind of friendships are rare.

Sometimes changes shift things. I have found that to be the case in many relationships over the years. It is a conscious decision to stay in touch and make the effort. Sometimes it's a worthwhile effort, sometimes not. Our illness can sometimes make relationships difficult. Sometimes life does.

I'm not sure if any of my ramblings are helpful, but I thought I'd share them anyway.

[uni]

Welcome to the forum iamnotthebreakman, Thanks for sharing about your situation. I have no wise words, just hoping you've been able to make some progress in figuring things out,

[KiraBoyd]

Hello there. First of all I want everyone to know that it's ok to feel the way you feel as long as you are aware of it. I live in Mississauga. My brother is struggling with Social Anxiety Disorder. I don't know what was the issue concerning that my family is well rounded.. to be honest I was shocked - you know what they say "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree". Anyway, he grew into a teenager and was still struggling to find friends, he was alone. After many analisis from my side I understood the problem (which i like to remain a secret). I advised my family for him to visit a mental care professional. They didn't want to hear about it in the beginning. Eventually we had no choice. We started worrying about more deeper issues. He started seeing a professional for 5-6 months, and we saw pretty good results. My point is don't be afraid to take professional help. We're not born perfect and the same. I love my brother & my family and it was the best thing for us.

[paul m]

Hello KiraBoyd and welcome to the forum. Thankyou for your input. Take Care. paul m

[AJ]

Welcome to the forum KiraBoyd.

[Prycejosh1987]

I don’t know if this is the right place to post this but.. I have extremely bad anxiety and depression and a lot of it comes from my interpretation of friends emotions and moods. The best way to explain it is to use what’s happening in my life right now. I have a friend who I’m good friends with but recently she seems to be acting different, less responsive, doesn’t answer calls as much, seems less interested in hanging out, etc etc.. now I mentioned this to her and said you seem to be acting a bit different and I wanted to know if it’s something I did or said (I tend to think if someone is acting different it’s my fault even though I know there’s so many reasons why someone could be) and she said no it’s nothing like that and I did believe her but like.. it just feels different than usual, it feels tense when talking to her, and usually if I have to have this discussion with a person the feeling in my gut goes away after but it’s still there.. it’s causing me insane amounts of anxiety and my depression is just getting worse and I don’t know what to do.. I’ve talked to other friends about it and it’s just.. I don’t know how to deal with this, I know no one here is going to have a magic answer or cure all for this but I just was hoping for suggestions.. any help is appreciated, thank you for taking the time to read this

Sometimes you have to make the first moves in the relationship. If you want it bad chase after it, but if its not good or responsive, you may have to find another friend. If the unresponsive relationship is causing you to be depressed, give her an ultimatum subtly.