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    Autumn fall...

    Hi all,

    Well... I think fall has caught up with me. I did pretty well making half way through October... but now I've been bitten by the Autumn-Grumpy bug.
    I eat too much. I sleep too much. I complain too much.
    Ahhgggg.

    I have forgiven myself for a lot of this behavior. It should only be a temporary state of mind. (As long as I don't buy into it being who I am instead of just something that's happening to me.)
    I’ve let a lot of dark thoughts fill my mind though.
    Time to crack open my journal and start training my thoughts again. (Why do they turn so negative when left alone for even a few moments??)
    I’m trying to convince myself spending hours a day on my mind is worth the effort… I resent having to cut back on other activities in order to do this. I want to accomplish something in my life other than simply keeping myself alive.
    Ahhhhgggg….

    Also, I wish I could suffer in seclusion instead of dragging down the people closest to me. It must be tough living with a person whose biggest accomplishment some days is simply getting out of bed. I’m an able-bodied invalid.

    Step 1 : reaching out to people who understand.
    Done.

    Step 2 : Find my journal and read though some of my entries from last year around this time.
    On my way.

    Thanks for reading,
    Kaight

    #2
    Sorry to hear that things have been tough for you Kaight. That's a big step
    step seeking out those who understand. Good for you.

    I hope the journal reading helps too.
    AJ

    Humans punish themselves endlessly
    for not being what they believe they should be.
    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

    Comment


      #3
      I hear you late oct and Nov are definately the ugh months of dread. You summed it up so great about biggest accomplishment. You definately have a gift for writing. Keep that chin up.

      Comment


        #4
        Hello Kaight . Thank you for explaining things so eloquently and accurately.

        I'm sorry to hear that you're having a rough time. I don't think that you complain too much, in fact I find lots of positives in your posts.

        I love your idea of checking out your journals to see how previous autumns went. Maybe you'll glean something helpful.

        In a similar vein, have you ever gone back and read old forum threads on stuff you're presently dealing with? I do that sometimes, and find a lot of wisdom and helpful advice from forum members. And oddly enough it's sometimes my own posts that have me thinking "Sheesh! I said that? I totally forgot about that perspective (or idea or suggestion)." Just a thought.

        I’m trying to convince myself spending hours a day on my mind is worth the effort… I resent having to cut back on other activities in order to do this. I want to accomplish something in my life other than simply keeping myself alive.
        That seems to be the story of a depressed person's life - spending so much time and energy just keeping ourselves alive. I don't like having to concentrate on it so much.

        But once I get through the bad times and look back, call me airy-fairy, but I like to think that in the bigger picture we somehow improve the world around us, maybe open someone's eyes or inspire others who struggle, by putting so much time and effort toward our own well-being. I think people notice and learn from us, even if they don't come out and say it. So perhaps we are actually accomplishing something without realizing it.
        Last edited by uni; October 30, 2013, 02:15 PM. Reason: re-thinking some things
        uni

        ~ it's always worth it ~

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          #5
          Hello Kaight. Sorry to hear that you are feeling so bad. In regards to suffering in seclusion: During my worst periods I often though that it would be nice to take a cot down to a corner of the basement, turn out the lights and not let anyone know that I was there.

          You said " I’m an able-bodied invalid. " I hadn't heard that one before, but it sure fit certain times of my life.

          You are doing the right thing and that is trying to fight this illness. That not easy and it counts for a lot.

          Getting out of bed is often a major accomplishment that we should be proud of. Unfortunately getting out of bed sometimes made things worse for my wife as I too could be pretty grumpy at times. Take Care. paul m

          p.s. It isn't easy living with a person with any major illness, it also not easy living alone, which would happen if we all tried to picked mates that were all perfectly healthy.
          "Alone we can do so little;
          Together we can do so much"
          Helen Keller

          Comment


            #6
            Kaight, sorry you're struggling right now. You sound like you are already ahead of the game by knowing what you need to do and already getting to it.
            I want to accomplish something in my life other than simply keeping myself alive. This sentence really spoke to me. I often feel like this so I'm sending hugs your way.

            Comment


              #7
              Thank you for the responses everyone. I am ever grateful to have you all as my forum friends. I love how I can be so honest... never a need for small talk!

              I've read through a few of my old journal entries and posts on this forum. I think I can safely say I'm doing at least a bit better than last fall (i.e, autumn). No question I'm better than 2 falls ago!

              Thanks again,
              Kaight
              Last edited by Kaight; November 2, 2013, 10:20 PM. Reason: Fall means autumn, not a drop in height... or mood!

              Comment


                #8
                Hi Kaight. Glad to hear things are looking better. It is indeed a long process filled with highs and lows. Don't sell yourself short. Anyone that has had to live with this stuff knows how difficult it is. We don't have to apologize for it or minimize the severity of the condition.

                Keep up the good work!

                Comment


                  #9
                  Hugs to you Kaight.

                  This time of year is especially tough.

                  I find putting a red stop sign whenever a negative, dark thought appears helps.

                  Of course journaling and reading inspirational quotes is therapeutic.

                  Post away anytime,

                  Christina

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