Hi. 50-year-old male, long history with alcohol, binge-drinker, heavy drinker (3+ drinks per day, way more on weekends). I don't day drink (occasional weekends), and I've put it down before. I don't know if I'm an alcoholic, but there's a history of alcoholism, or at least heavy drinking, in my family. My grandfather was the type to hide bottles around the house so my grandmother wouldn't (ha) find them. I use alcohol to self-medicate my anxiety and depression, but I often have 'one too many' -- or several too many. I have occasional blackouts where I have spotty memories of the night before. It's been worse since I separated from my wife -- I tend to drink for longer, just to stay out of the house (which we still share, separate rooms, for monetary reasons).
I've been sober since January 1 as a "Dry January" experiment. It hasn't been difficult at all -- quitting smoking was way harder than this. I don't want to drink the way that I did before, but I don't want to never drink again. And my head is clear, which is amazing. I haven't felt this clear in a long time.
I don't have anyone I feel like I can talk to about this, so I'm hoping there are some strangers here who know what I'm talking about. I don't even know what I want. Permission to drink? Reassurance that long-term sobriety is achievable and desirable? Someone to tell me I'm not an alcoholic, that I can manage my drinking and not go back to my recent pattern?
I'm really anxious about some family stuff right now and what I really want is to open a beer, or mix a drink. But I've got 26 days sober that I'm sort of proud of.
Maybe what I really need is to sleep. This was scary as sh*t to write. Thanks for reading.
I've been sober since January 1 as a "Dry January" experiment. It hasn't been difficult at all -- quitting smoking was way harder than this. I don't want to drink the way that I did before, but I don't want to never drink again. And my head is clear, which is amazing. I haven't felt this clear in a long time.
I don't have anyone I feel like I can talk to about this, so I'm hoping there are some strangers here who know what I'm talking about. I don't even know what I want. Permission to drink? Reassurance that long-term sobriety is achievable and desirable? Someone to tell me I'm not an alcoholic, that I can manage my drinking and not go back to my recent pattern?
I'm really anxious about some family stuff right now and what I really want is to open a beer, or mix a drink. But I've got 26 days sober that I'm sort of proud of.
Maybe what I really need is to sleep. This was scary as sh*t to write. Thanks for reading.
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