How Can I tell if my husband/child/loved one is a threat to me

[paul m]

Hello All. A rarely talked about subject is " are we a physical threat or danger to our loved ones". It doesn't get talked about because it is a difficult subject and one that doesn't have any absolute answers. To give some background I will use myself as an example. Because some people thought that I once was a threat to others my property was stolen(for the good of others) and my wife was talked into removing herself and our sons to a safe place.

Their is no doubt in my mind that when I am the right degree of manic that I am a very large and scarey guy who can be quite intimitating when angered. That does not make me a danger to anyone, however I can see how it could worry some people.

So using myself as an example, the first step should have been to ask me directly. The second step should have been to tell me just how much I was worrying people. The third step should have been to have my wife contact my doctor.

While my doctor is under very strict limits as too what he can discuss with my wife, or anybody else, he can listen to her explaination about how she feels threatened. . If he feels that I would be a threat to someone else(or myself) he is obligated to act on that including telling her that she may be in danger. (references at end)

While this may result in me being locked up(if the doc feels that I am a danger) it is still preferably to not asking him. Of all the things that have happened to me because of this illness, the one that I still have the most trouble not being bitter about was the removal of my children by relative strangers. I was not then and never was a danger to anyone but possibly myself(and my doc would have verified this). It created a great chasm between me and those involved because they acted of ignorance rather than from information. It also caused me enormous stress and certainly set my recovery back(at the time it wasn't going too well anyways)

Still I cannot fault someone for being fearful, occasionally someone with a mental illness is violent(fortunately not very often). However there are proper ways to handle that fear. Take Care. paul m

References. Section 4.2 of this web page http://www.mcc.ca/objectives_online/...glish&loc=cleo

Patient confidentiality and the law(Cdn Medical Assoc) part way down the web page: http://www.cmaj.ca/content/157/7/870.full.pdf

[uni]

Thank you for posting about this subject, Paul, and relating your own experiences. How devastating to have your children taken from you, and for no good reason.

The subject is not something I have thought about much. It makes me wonder whether others may have at some time percieved me as a threat to their well-being. If so, they have never told me. I think you are right, it's not often mentioned - and also right that it is not common for a mentally ill person to strike out in violence.

On the flip side of your experience, a woman I know came very close to calling social services to remove her son. She was afraid he was a threat because of an incident with a toy weapon. In actual fact she was in no danger, but fear caused her to react by thinking she should call the authorities. She was later very grateful for not having done so. (Luckily another adult had been there at the time, and calmed things down. Maybe the lesson here is don't be alone with someone you fear. Not necessarily for your own sake, but for theirs as well; two heads can be better than one.)

[Lizzy]

Well stated Paul.