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Emotionally shell-shocked

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    Emotionally shell-shocked

    Hi ... I'm sorry if my story isn't as devastating as what so many of you have gone through. I know it's not. But I read what some of you have written and it seemed helpful - to know that others have gone through this too. To see others expressing that depression is a very selfish disease. My best friend has it. He had a big spiral shortly after Christmas. It lasted about a week - he just came out of it last night. For a few days everything I said was wrong. He twisted every word, every statement, threw it all back in my face with anger, despair, resentment and bitterness. Nothing was good enough. I know that's the disease, but after so many days it was hard. I had nothing more to say other than "I'm sorry." I couldn't talk about anything positive in my life (and I'm a really positive person), because he would either dismiss it or be sad or resentful. After almost a week of non-stop messages, talking all day and evening from when I got up to when I went to bed, he seemed a tiny bit better and asked how I was doing. I couldn't control myself and I started to shake. I was terrified. I couldn't say anything to him, I felt it was all wrong. I felt like a bucket that had been scraped to the bottom and the plastic was just getting torn up. Like I had been his emotional punching bag for a week.

    I had to take something to him so I stopped by his place last night. I told him all this. He held me and I shivered and cried. I was so tense. He felt awful and I was so scared that would make him feel worse. When I finally left things seemed better. He's in a much better mood this morning and he's getting out of bed and coming to see me at lunch. But I'm still scared. He's been the person I've told everything to for so long, and I'm double-guessing everything I want to say now. He says I don't need to. And I suspect if I see him being stable I'll calm down. I hate this feeling of emotional shell shock. I didn't realize the toll it was taking on my until I had the physical reaction. I hope things can be better now. Thanks for listening. Felt good to share.

    #2
    Paigespencer, thanks for sharing your story about your best friend. Sorry for what you had to endure. It must have been emotionally draining on you.
    Your a great friend for hanging in there and being there for him. If it happens again, next time you both will know what to expect and hopefully he'll remember how it impacted you and go easier on you. Take care.

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      #3
      Thank you for sharing Paigespenser. It must be very confusing to see a person you have know for so long go thru something so out of character. As Strugglesinmyhead suggested, it could be useful to chalk it up to experience. Be cautious tho and remember that your feelings are just a important. If you are uncomfortable when he is experiencing such an episode, maybe the best help you can offer is to suggest he talk to a therapist, or other third party person that would not have a personal relationship too him.

      I hope that things are better for you and that it was an isolated incident.

      Take care,
      Kaight

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