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Mother and family in need of help

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    Mother and family in need of help

    So glad to have found this forum, prayers and well wishes to all of you who are affected by any type of mental disorder. My mother had major back surgery approx 20yrs ago and has experienced severe pain ever since. She has been prescribed every type of the strongest pain medication available, which she has often taken more than the prescribed amount to help with the pain. About 5 years ago, she had hip surgery, and then 2 years ago she had the other hip done. She continues to be in regular excruciating pain and her family doctors and specialists have not been able to address this. What we have noticed is the progression of mental challenges such as memory loss, repeating herself, lack of coherency, anger, depression. In the past several years, these issues have all increased in magnitude and have consumed her. During her last hip surgery recovery, the head nurse called me to say that they believe there are some mental issues, and they attempted to have her complete some cognitive tests. She failed both, but would not accept that she has any issues. The nurses suggested that she cannot be helped unless she admits to having a problem and wanting help, complete tests to identify her issue, and have medication prescribed. We talked to her about the situation but she insisted that the problem is with everyone around her, and that she does not have a problem. I called CAMH several times and the options they provided were to forcibly have her removed from the home, or provide counselling for family members on how to deal with her behaviour. My 86yr old father has become her full time nurse and he is not mentally or physically capable. Recently, she has been violent and our family is worried about his well being. This has now become a crisis and I don't know where to turn for help. My sister has offered for my father to move in with her, but we still need to address my mom's care. I am desperate for help and appreciate any advice. Thanks.

    #2
    Welcome to the forum Sketty55. You and the rest of the family are in a difficult situation. Will she accept help in the home from anyone other than your father? If you are worried about your father's safety or the safety of others, there may be no choice but to force the issue.
    AJ

    Humans punish themselves endlessly
    for not being what they believe they should be.
    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

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      #3
      Hello and welcome Sketty55. My heart goes out to you and your family in such a stressful situation.

      I'm wondering, as AJ has asked, whether your mother will accept other caregivers to help your dad out. H

      For your own good and sanitiy, have you and/or your family members considered taking CAMH up on some counselling for your own peace of mind? I find clarity in crisis sometimes comes from bouncing our thoughts off a trained professional. Just a thought.
      uni

      ~ it's always worth it ~

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        #4
        Hello and welcome Skeety55. It's a terrible time for the family when our parents age and their mind and body can no longer do the things they used to be able to do. Unfortunately we often try to help them enjoy their life as they used too. In fact there is often little that we can do. When we have to make decisions we should look at what is realistic and not feel guilty about it. Trying to help a senior who is having mental problems can be very tough indeed. My grand mother had to taken from a nursing home to a secure section in a mental hospital because of her violence towards staff. It certainly wasn't the course that we wanted to take but as none of could take her in, that is what happened. Did we feel guilty , yes we did, however it was the only course of action that we could take. We knew that her mind would only continue to deteriorate. The fact that she had been a loving and caring person during her good health made the decision all the harder. I wish you in making the decisions that you face. I know that they are unpleasant. Take Care. paul m
        "Alone we can do so little;
        Together we can do so much"
        Helen Keller

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          #5
          Thanks to all of you for your responses. I must say, just reading your responses provides some relief...knowing that others have gone through the same feelings of guilt, and desperation. My mother does have a health care worker who comes to the house to take care of her for two hours a day. I have considered asking her for options, however CAMH advised me that the costs to have someone stay with her all day would be exorbitant, and that no one would want to do that job.

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            #6
            Hello Sketty55. I'm glad that you've found a bit of help by the replies here. Do you think it would be an option to increase the health care worker's hours a little, even if it wouldn't be a whole day? That way it wouldn't cost as much, and still give a bit of a break. Just a thought.
            uni

            ~ it's always worth it ~

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