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    Suicidal Ideation

    !!!!!!!!Warning for some this may be a trigger so If it is please stop reading if that's the case !!!!!!!!!!!!!!




    *** First off... I don't want to hear about the support I can get elsewhere ... about calling other support lines or reaching out to a professional ... we all know how that goes in this situation ***
    I just want to be able to talk about this with no backlash ... I want to be able to hear from others that are dealing with this .. ***

    Warning Difficult Topic

    I am hoping that there are some families/ Members that are dealing with this .. when someone feels so down and out that they feel there is only one way out ..

    its the painful conversations. trying to stay as calm as possible ... not get upset ( even though this is a very emotional conversation) have to assure them they are loved and wanted and would be missed.. the begging the sitting the not talking .. the tears, the fear, the feelings of worthlessness....

    professionals are taught to guilt trip people into not doing it .. ie. how do you think your family will feel... your loved ones will miss you, how do you think they will feel, there is nothing on the other side... etc to deter them from going through with it.. I don't believe in that .. I do however believe in listening ... and letting them know that you are always there and keeping the doors of communication open so they know they can always talk about it ..

    The hard part is when they are emotional and run out saying they are going to do it ... in my experience you cannot call anyone .. because police are called which can escalates the situation ... especially if the individual hates the cops or has been hurt by them in the past.. if they make it to the hospital than all they do is want to drug these people .. in prev experience ..

    so in these times ... one is left to sit and listen to all the the scary things the individual needs to say .. when I say scary I mean that its hard to hear a loved one talk about how they feel this is the only way out..

    I feel such emotional turmoil when this situations present themselves. I do journal and have friends that I can talk to but you don't' want to over burden others with all this info all the time.. so than its between you and the individual ... You try you best to be there.. you feel weak and out of control and that you cant' do anything to help them.. You sometimes out of pain or fear get angry or frustrated at the conversation ... and this isn't toward the person... its toward the topic and the sense of inability to help.

    if this person will talk their way out of a situation with the medical community than you feel there is no where to turn .. its such a taboo topic no matter what social media events and things are going on .. its still hard to talk about due to the automatic hospitalization that comes with it ..


    so I just wanted to open the conversation to others and see if we can start a room for support and open discussion with no judgement
    Last edited by wantstounderstand; November 6, 2020, 09:04 AM.

    #2
    I love this because its so true, and there is always someone that can help us even if we are suffering inside, the bad thing to say is people who are depressed tend to keep it to themselves and not even tell family. Negativity tends to say do not tell anyone because they wont care. This is so untrue, there is always someone we can talk to.

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      #3
      IT is said that the more a person talks about it the less they want to do it ... the quieter they are the more likely they will.... its such a slippery slope tbh...

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        #4
        Hello wantstounderstand. Thank you for being so clear in your initial post about what you need and don't need. I hope only to contribute a little to the "open discussion" aspect. I'm wondering if we have to worry about "triggering" people here. I'm not sure how much is good to put on a forum. I'll use my best judgement and let the moderators weigh in if they think it necessary.

        When it comes to even the word "suicide" many people are frightened off. It's a hard topic to bring up and talk about, but you're doing it here and I appreciate that. I suppose because I've never attempted it, I feel kind of inadequate when it comes to saying anything very helpful. I do, however, have a dear friend who has attempted it a few times but pulled through. This is not her story, but I say that so you'll know that I understand, if only a bit, that helplessness at not knowing where to turn when someone you care about may try to end their life at any time, and you can't make sure to prevent it. So I won't tell my friend's story, but I will share from my own experience, for what its worth.

        I say I've never attempted suicide, and that's true, but I've come close. Sometimes I've wondered what stopped me? what turned me around? And the answer is sort of weird. Keep in mind this is purely my own take on things. My belief is that I did not prevent myself, but something unseen and unknown outside myself wouldn't let me do it. I know that may sound sort of airy-fairy but I believe it. I even wrote a short story about it. Maybe someday I'll be brave enough to publish it somewhere.

        There is also another element, and that is the fact that I was so depressed that I didn't have the mental or emotional energy to think out a proper plan. It was just too much work, Here's another: pure fear. At a crucial point, while home alone and with opportunity at hand, I scared myself with my own thoughts so badly that I panicked and called the crisis line. The lady on the other end listened to me, and it turns out that was all I really needed - to tell someone who wasn't close to me, someone who had kind of heard it all before and wouldn't react with shock and horror. To this day I've never told my family. I'm not sure I could handle their potential reactions, but perhaps I underestimate them.

        I firmly believe it wasn't me who instilled the fear, it wasn't me who prevented my mind from forming a plan, it wasn't me who enabled my hand to pick up the phone and talk to the crisis lady. It wasn't me who kept me alive each day until I finally got sick enough to call for help and start the long and hardhardhard journey to some semblance of health.

        Wantstounderstand, I'm in your corner. I don't know if this post is at all what you're looking for, so please take what you like and leave the rest.
        Last edited by uni; November 4, 2020, 04:37 PM. Reason: typo
        uni

        ~ it's always worth it ~

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          #5
          uni that brought tears to my eyes.. Thank you ever so much for sharing . I believe in that to.. a so to say Devine intervention that stopped the process.... so does my wife.. there are ups and downs... and when the downs come its hard.. you feel so lost and alone ( as the person feeling the feelings also feels , I am sure ) ... but to be on the other side is a whole different ball game IMO. I did add a trigger warning to the top of the post just in case.. even though the title will say it too.. but just to be extra cautious. I don't want to create any negativity with this post. As I know that communication is key ... I will keep adding to this as I need to and I do really appreciate your post .. Thank you ever so much !!!!!!

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            #6
            You're very welcome wantstounderstand.

            I believe where there's life, there's hope. Some years ago the friend I mentioned spent several weeks at a live-in therapy clinic. I'm not even sure what province it was in. She doesn't care to talk about it, but ever since then she's been doing so much better. Her family members were at their wits' end. I'm not at liberty to share much here, but I'm pretty sure they paid a lot of money for the program she took, possibly even going into debt, however the situation was desperate. Chances are she'll never be "out of the woods" completely, but that's part of mental illness.

            Anyway my point is not to suggest clinics or anything else, only that sometimes when things seem hopeless you find that one thing, that leads to the next thing, that is the thing that starts to turn things around. If you get my drift.
            uni

            ~ it's always worth it ~

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              #7
              uni I do understand what you are saying. its hard because you can't make anyone go into any program with mental health. its not like addiction to coke or something like that ... you have to be as supportive as you can and be available... I have worked really hard to allow the difficult conversations ... to be a sholder to lean on , without all the heavy emotions. But she knows that those come with the territory and is sometimes difficult to hold back ... but I do my best... that is all I can do ... and journal and vent on here... because if I bring it up to a therapist .... who knows what they will do

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                #8
                Wantstounderstand, doing your best, as you say, is really all any of us can do. Thank you for continuing to post; I know it doesn't change the situation, but it's something positive to do. And you never know who might read what you have to say and take courage from it. I know I do.
                uni

                ~ it's always worth it ~

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                  #9
                  Thank you uni I do appreciate that ...

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                    #10
                    You are welcome.
                    uni

                    ~ it's always worth it ~

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