Looking for some much needed advice please. My ex-wife hasn't worked in over 8 years citing mental health issues (she was/is a mental health nurse), and I'm 100% convinced she is simply playing the system and would very likely be diagnosed as a malingerer given much of her history. For much of the time I have known her (20 years), she has claimed bullying from her boss (who she became friends with), which resulted in three months off, harassment, assault, and then moved onto issues with her physical health, all of which amounted to nothing. She changed jobs constantly. Since leaving her I found out much of what she told me about health issues were simply a lie (I received her medical records as part of divorce proceedings).
Now my eldest son has reached working age. He has mild autism and adhd. He didn't finish high school because he found it 'too difficult', got fired from his first job for lying about sickness, and was then given a great opportunity through a friend to start carpentry school and learn a trade. He had to start by doing basic laborer work first but he's now on a final warning because when he was with his mom he would say he was sick, he would also disappear at work and say he'd hurt himself etc. Now he's claiming he is being bullied by his boss and colleague. He tells me he hates it and it's ruining his life. I think he just wants to sit at home and play video games.
This pattern is exactly the same playbook as his mom. Mornings of 'I just don't feel right/well', the bullying, the injuries that turn out to be nothing, the sickness that disappears by Friday evening but comes back on Sunday evening - it's all the same.
I don't know what to do and I'm worried sick for him. My new wife doesn't want him just sitting at home all day as she's worried about the message that sends her kids (her 13 year old is really struggling with high school), he won't go to any counselling or other type of therapy or program.
Has anybody been through this type of thing and have any good advice? Is there a relevance to the fact he's doing exactly what his mom did, and should this be raised with professionals? I'm at my wits end, I'm at risk of losing my relationship which would mean losing my home, he has two younger siblings and I'm worried how all of this would impact them. I really don't know what to do. Please help.
Now my eldest son has reached working age. He has mild autism and adhd. He didn't finish high school because he found it 'too difficult', got fired from his first job for lying about sickness, and was then given a great opportunity through a friend to start carpentry school and learn a trade. He had to start by doing basic laborer work first but he's now on a final warning because when he was with his mom he would say he was sick, he would also disappear at work and say he'd hurt himself etc. Now he's claiming he is being bullied by his boss and colleague. He tells me he hates it and it's ruining his life. I think he just wants to sit at home and play video games.
This pattern is exactly the same playbook as his mom. Mornings of 'I just don't feel right/well', the bullying, the injuries that turn out to be nothing, the sickness that disappears by Friday evening but comes back on Sunday evening - it's all the same.
I don't know what to do and I'm worried sick for him. My new wife doesn't want him just sitting at home all day as she's worried about the message that sends her kids (her 13 year old is really struggling with high school), he won't go to any counselling or other type of therapy or program.
Has anybody been through this type of thing and have any good advice? Is there a relevance to the fact he's doing exactly what his mom did, and should this be raised with professionals? I'm at my wits end, I'm at risk of losing my relationship which would mean losing my home, he has two younger siblings and I'm worried how all of this would impact them. I really don't know what to do. Please help.
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