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    Excuses

    In an attempt to rekindle my enthusiasm for CBT Iím working my way through Dr Wayne Dyerís ďExcuses BegoneĒ.

    I have just read through what he refers to an Excuse Catalog. Basically itís a list of the most common excuses people use to not do something. After each item he follows with reasons why the excuse does not hold water.

    I have found it very eye opening to see a person have such different automatic thoughts than I. I canít imagine how freeing it would be to just walk right through these excuses and live!! (I hope the rest of the book gives insight on how to do this!)

    At some point in my life I have used every single one of the excuses he mentions (18 in all). Here are some that I use every day:

    1. It will be difficult.
    2. I donít deserve it.
    3. I canít afford it.
    4. Iím not smart enough.
    5. The rules wonít let me.
    6. Itís too big.
    7. I donít have the energy.
    8. Iím too scared.

    Any thoughts?
    Any one else a slave to the excuse?



    Kaight

    #2
    for sure kaight! I see those excuses and I recognize myself in some of them.
    Anne.

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      #3
      Hello Kaight. I can also come up with some pretty inventive excuses at times and most of them are on your list. I think that a lot of people use excuses when they shouldn't, but some of us are more prone to being self critical about using excuses.

      There is a fine line between excuses and excuses. For example" I don't have the energy" can be a valid excuse for not doing the dishes or it can be a lame way to get out of doing the dishes. I really hate doing the dishes, so most of the time my excuses for not doing them are pretty lame, but some days the excuse " I don't have the energy" is extremely valid.

      There is also a fine line between accepting reality and making an excuse. Too say " that I'm not good enough" was an ugly reality that I should have accepted sooner when I was trying to become a good athlete. Not all of us can be athletes and I should have accepted that and enjoyed my sports more when I was younger. I would have had more pleasure saying "I'm not good enough for that team", rather than waste my time trying to achieve the impossible.

      While I agree with the CBT concept that we can change our behaviours, we must be carefull where we place the blame and the time frame for aquiring new behaviours. For example, I'm not a hugger. My excuse is that I don't hug because of my upbringing. I realize that is a lame excuse, but I also have to realize that I'm not going to change 18 yrs of upbringing over night. I'm working on it, but my excuse that "it's too hard" is valid as far as my unrealistic time frame goes (I want to change now).

      Anyways, those are my excuses for now LOL. Take Care. paul m
      "Alone we can do so little;
      Together we can do so much"
      Helen Keller

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        #4
        Hmm... I don't relate to all of those excuses. Now that I am finally not feeling depressed anymore, I am far less likely to make excuses and if I do, I don't judge myself for it; in fact, I will call it a choice rather than an excuse. -See the negative connotation that is attached to the word "excuse"? I avoid the negativity by not judging myself for valid "excuses" by recognizing them for choices rather than excuses. This is harder to do when I am depressed though... I think...?

        I suppose my most common "go to" excuses when I am depressed would be:
        1) I don't care
        2) I'm so exhausted
        3) I don't want to be around anyone/look at anyone/talk to anyone
        4) I'm too depressed
        5) I don't care
        6) I don't care
        and...
        7) Did I mention that I don't care?

        Now that I'm not depressed, my most common excuses would be:
        1) I can't afford it
        2) That will keep me up too late at night and I need to make sure that I don't lose too much sleep

        I think the above two aren't really excuses but sound choices. I won't rule out the possibility that I make unconscious excuses though.

        astronaut

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          #5
          I figure there is more to that list than meets the eye (no doubt explained in the book - which btw I haven't read). For myself, I usually know whether I'm making an excuse or giving a valid reason for an action (or lack of action), although I don't always admit it.

          I figure Wayne Dyer was referring to excuses made by people who are not experiencing mood disorders, especially someone going through a depressive episode. In that case I think we can cut ourselves some slack
          uni

          ~ it's always worth it ~

          Comment


            #6
            When my depression is at it's worst I don't think I conciously make excuses. I actually "can't" do things, I don't eat for days sleep 20+ hours in a day. This is not a choice, it's like my brain doesn't even function.

            At other times I likely have just as many excuses as anyone else but I no longer beat myself up when I am completely unable to function.
            dave

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              #7
              Yeah, you're right Dave, the list I made was probably not really a list of "excuses" but just the symptoms of my depression when I just can't function any more.

              astronaut

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