Short sayings

[uni]

A couple of sayings that I find helpful:

1. It's always worth it

2. Where there's life there's hope

Oh, and this: especially real ones, although virtual ones also warm my heart.

[Woody]

Nothing wrong with a good hug to make the day better

[paul m]

Hello Uni. I really liked " Where there's life, there's hope" .

"It's always worth it". Well it always worked that way for me anyways, I'm not so sure about those around me.

"Hugs". SomethingI should do more often. Take Care. paul m

[Woody]

C'mr here Paul

[paul m]

Thx Woody. . I actually have a real problem hugging people. Not because I'm like Howie Mandel and afraid of the germs either.

I'm unsure of the real reason, part is because I was raised in a home where males didn't hug, but that can be unlearned. I think perhaps it's because I always feared rejection. Pretty silly in some ways as I cannot ever recall having a problem with rejection. I still will go out of my way to avoid hugging people sometimes, its just automatic.

But you and Uni have reminded me that it is something that is good and I will make a more concentrated effort to work on it. Thx and Take Care. paul m

[Woody]

There was a time I would have said the same thing
Hugging was not something we did growing up and men hugging ... NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

Then the event of online chat room came around and everybody is hugging here and hugging there and hugging everywhere! After the wife and the kids left I joined a support group of separated and divorcées. End of every meeting there was a holding of hands during the prayer and followed by hugging the person next to you. First couple of month there the ladies got a hug and the men a good old fashion handshake but later on as a sense of camaraderie set in and it became alright to give a manly hug. I have heard it told from some of the ladies, that I am a pretty good hugger and I will no shy away from a good hug. There is nothing like a good hug to make a difference when your having a bad day. NOW, I do not walk down the street and hug perfect strangers, but I will not turn away a hug any day

[uni]

Thanks Paul and Woody for sharing your take on male hugs. I've always thought boys got a little cheated there. I come from a very huggy background so have little trouble with it, but have learned that some people see it as a threat due to past boundary-crossing, so now I try to remember and ask the person if a hug is o.k. first.

Today it is good that I came upon my own words at the start of this thread. I need to especially remember that it is always worth it, as the post-vacation letdown has set in. I am SO grateful for these forums.

[paul m]

Hello Uni. Thankyou for starting the thread. Post vacation let down is usually the pits. For some reason I always sink lower after a good hoiday than I do after a bad one. So here . Take Care. paul m

[uni]

Thanks Paul for the hug, they do help sometimes.

Re: letdowns, my Pdoc once said to watch out for the post-Christmas-season letdown. It can happen whether you have a fun time or not, it's so much in our faces either way. Glad the subject is coming up at this time. I find Christmas and all that goes with it very stressful, even if a lot of it is good stress. I feel it in my nervous system no matter what kind it is. Trying my best to be grateful at Christmas, but you know what? sometimes I just find it very hard. Determined to make the most of it by using positive thoughts.

For me, if I remember to put Christ in Christmas I immediately feel like sending out loving waves. How amazing. (Hope nobody minds the religious reference.)

Feeling calmer just now. And extremely glad it's Friday. Let's just get this workday done.

I noticed a change, not for the better, when I wasn't in touch with you guys on the forums recently. This, for me, is tremendous therapy and is proving itself over and over. Talk to you later! for all for being here!

[Woody]

Here here Uni

[paul m]

Hello Uni. Here's something I posted elsewhere initially. It's things I do to try and avoid holiday stress. You may already have read it.

The following are some things I try and do during the holidays. I will put the emphasis on try, because I always seem to end up doing too much. Or more accurately I fail to follow my plan and get stuck with some anxiety ridden times.

1) I try and schedule activities in advance so that I can plan for them and not take on too many.

2)It's ok to refuse invitations from people who will force me into stresfull situations(my family) or at least plan to limit my time with them. My siblings family dinner last for the whole day, I go for about 3 hrs. Its Christmas for me too. I get to be happy as well.

3)I try and plan holiday events that I must go to with plenty of breaks outside alone to recover before going back in.

4)I try to preplan my Christmas shopping so that I have a general idea what I want to buy, rather than wander the malls in large crowds for hrs.

5)I try and let go of things I cannot control. When I have to leave an event early because I just cannot take it anymore, that's fine, it's not my fault.I used to beat my self up mentally over that all the time.

6)I don't use a lot of lorazepam, but by taking a little at the appropiate time it makes a big difference.

7)I try and realize that I cannot control other people's comments or behaviours towards me. But I can be prepared and realize that it is my life and I'm the one who has to live it and that I'm trying to enjoy it as much as possible.

Not a perfect solution and it may not help anybody with holiday stress. But it does help me a lot when I at least feel as if I'm controlling some things.

In regards to religion. I believe that spirituality can be a very importment item in a person's wellness. I have no problems with anybody talking about how it has helped them. Take Care. paul m

[leila63]

paul m, use of an anti-anxiety drug to prevent upset at family gatherings is helpful sometimes especially when dealing with large crowds. Sometimes it could be bad, for example, what happened to me last thanksgiving when one of my stepsisters insulted my son (usually she attacks me which I blow off) but I felt later that had I not been strung out on Ativan I would have been better able to defend him. I was having obsessive ruminations for 2 weeks afterwords. Then again it is better to ignore cruel comments and consider the source. It is just hard having to deal with people that just plain don't like you. Makes me want to avoid these family holidays. Fortunately she's usually not around for impromtu get togethers the rest of the year.

On a unrelated topic, I came across a quote recently:

Yesterday I chose to struggle, today I dare to win.

[paul m]

Hello Leila63. I think the most I have taken in a social situation is 1 mg and most often 1/2 milligram. I am from the oppisite end of the spectrum. If I did not take a little ativan and my sister was to start saying things, my anxiety would build and I would shoot my mouth off and then leave in a panic. Ativan allows be to blow her comments off.

However you are correct that it is a drug that can be misused. Like alcohol, it may give a person a feeling of increased ability to do some things. Ativan, when first digested can also cause some people to feel irritable rather calm.

No such luck that my sis will miss, its at her hse this yr.

Good saying. Take Care. paul m

[Woody]

Here's a novel idea ... spike the punch so they can mellow out and we can have all the fun Seriously do, thanks for the list/reminder Paul

Yesterday I chose to struggle, today I dare to win.

I like that