Introducing Intro, seeking advice...

[dazed-confused]

Hi,

This... is so difficult. I need to spill a bit.. I'm hoping it will help settle things down slightly. I also need advice.

I'm a 39 year old man that's recovering from a crisis and been having difficulties most of my life.

I know I've got issues, and yesterday I know my problem really revelled it's self... again. I've been suffering depression for years and I'm suffering from multiple anxiety problems (I have two psychical symptoms - elevated resting heart rate, & a short while ago I've been getting a numb head with tingling sensations running through my hair...), racing thoughts, have a hard time letting things go, pretty wild mood swings, and very low self esteem. I'm prone to oversleeping and undersleeping every night.

I don't think you get much more withdrawn from things then I am right now. I avoid social event's... Friends invite me out or over, and I always find an excuse to not go. Company doing a social thing, defiantly not taking part in it - even if it's at my work place. When I do things like laundry or shopping, it's get in and out as fast as possible. I used to work out at the gym, but I just can't tolerate being there with so many people any more. I do ride my bike, but that's not a social thing. So more or less, my social life consists of my apartment and cat.

I don't suffer from drug addiction....Well, change that slightly... I don't suffer from illegal or recreational drug addiction. I don't suffer from alcohol abuse (I don't drink alcohol). I do have quite the coffee addiction (at 6 to 12 cups a day). And I am a cigarette smoker (half a pack a day - but that does go up periodically depending on my anxiety levels, and I'd also like to quit). I also know I'm prone to binge eating various junk foods (esp. chocolate and salty potato chips).

One other area I've rarely had problems with but is becoming quite the problem now has to do with procrastination. It seems to take a lot of effort to get anything started, even more effort to keep at it, and 9 times out of ten I end up never finishing a project. Which brings up an area of my life I'm struggling to keep in check, and that is personal care like trying to keep my place clean and personal hygene.

I don't know if it's good that I know, but at the same time I know if I don't do something about it it will only get worse (and it has been).

One barrier is trying to talk about anything... I never really seem to be able to talk to anyone, and the few people I've tried to talk to dismiss it. Well, except one Uncle who one time asked me why I'm so self destructive... But then I ran into a how the hell do I talk about this and dropped the subject. I've tried to talk about my social anxiety, but all I get is your shy... No, I know this is more then simple shyness. Next biggest barrier is financial... I've been trying to keep my life running smoothly while I try to ensure the bread is on the table, the roof is overhead, and that the bills are paid while I get through my bankruptcy, then I could try to figure out how to budget in help with a psychologist.

However the latest thing that raises alarm flags for me occurred yesterday (once again it's after the fact)... It was just a raw out of control burst of anger - it should not have been anger esp given the whole context of the situation. I was doing my job when me boss came up to me to give me a surprise - my yearly boot allowance. I just exploded and told him to take it back and [BLEEP]... A reaction I know was totally inappropriate on my part, and there are several instances along those lines littered through out my life and it's been on the increase these past 4 years.

Obviously, I don't have a handle on me... Before my life becomes an even bigger train wreak, alienate more people, etc... What should I do with myself? Even though I know finances are very difficult, what are options I should look at?

[AJ]

Welcome to the forum dazed-confused.

Do you have a family doctor? I would start there. He or she can do a full work up to make sure there is nothing physical going on that needs to be addressed. I would also ask for a referral to a psychiatrist for proper diagnosis, although they don't always get it right the first time. It is worth exploring the option of medication as well.

There may be some lifestyle changes that would help too. One thing that may be adding to your anxiety is the amount of coffee you are drinking. Now I have to admit that I have a caffeine addition too. It started in university when I wanted to stay up late to do assignments and study. I have been trying to at least drink decaffeinated coffee in the evening ( I know that it has some caffeine in it). I have found my anxiety levels to be a little better because of it.

Dealing with the bankruptcy must be a challenge. Good for you for working with a psychologist to change your spending habits and working with a budget. It may also help, if you haven't already, seeing someone at your bank about a plan to reduce your debt and interest you are probably paying on it. Others here will probably have some suggestions for you. I know there are some that have had to deal with bankruptcy.

[paul m]

Hello dazed-confused and welcome to the forum. I'll agree with AJ and advise you to talk first with your family doctor. Before you go, make some notes so that when you talk with the doctor you don't get side tracked on one problem(I still get side tracked all of the time unless I have my notes).

Once you know or at least suspect what is wrong with you, you can work on getting better a bit at a time. You didn't get this ill in one day and you won't get better in one day.

While it would be nice to curb your temper, quit drinking coffee and smoking, reduce your anxieties, stop binge eating etc etc all at once, it probably won't happen. You are only human and it would take a super human effort to change everything at once. Making a long term plan on how you are going to over come your difficulties may help, However the first step in any plan is understanding what is wrong with you(other than the fact that you are human).

As we get older certain things , like coffee, that never bothered us before can suddenly have a huge effect on a lot of areas of our life. Items such as being unable to sleep at night, problems with anxiety, problems with temper can all be linked to long term excessive use of coffee for some people.

However I suspect , that while coffee may be causing some problems, it is only one of multiple problems. Depression can also cause a lot of the symptoms that you describe, including hygiene, procrastination, anger, a racing mind and anxieties, and anxieties can cause depression. So it can become a never ending circle until we find a way to break that circle. Bipolar can also cause a lot of those symptoms.

As AJ has mentioned, there are also some physical illnesses that can bring about problems. A lot of mental illnesses that didn't bother us as much when we were younger can hit us really hard as we age.

Who to talk too? I can't talk with most people about my problems either, but through a variety of ways, such as this forum, peer support groups and subscribing to various mental health websites I have met a lot of people that I can talk to or correspond with about my problems without having someone be judgmental. I've also learned more about my illnesses and how to treat them and how to get better from them, than from the variety of doctors that I have seen. The doctors were a necessary part of my getting better, but so were a lot of other things.

Depression, bipolar and various forms of anxieties are all legitimate medical problems, however many people will try and tell me just to suck it up or that I'm lazy. Nobody tells someone with a major physical illness just to suck it up, because that just doesn't work, so trying to suck it up won't work on a mental illness either.

I hope that you will continue posting and asking questions. I could have filled my reply with links to dozens of articles about symptoms and how to get better, but I thought for a start I would just give you some back ground. If you are anything like I was , a couple dozen links is not what you need to try and sort through right now. However in the future I will try and direct my replies to more specific issues. Take Care. paul m

[uni]

Hello dazed-confused, and welcome to the forum. First off, spill all you want. We all need to do it sometimes. Thanks for taking the time and getting up the courage to come on here and explain what's happening with you. I know what you're saying about not being able to talk to others about mental/emotional stuff, and posting may not be the same thing, but it can sure help.

It sounds like you have a lot going on, that's for sure. I can relate to some of what you're dealing with. Procrastination, for example. And the overindulging in comfort foods, especially when I'm tired or lonely. Also I often prefer to avoid social gatherings, which sometimes is a good idea but sometimes probably not.

Most of what I'd suggest you try has already been posted by AJ and Paul. I do want to mention that when it comes to personal hygiene and keeping the house clean, trouble with these are classic in depression. Doing the best you can at the time is good enough. I have to lower my expectations when I feel low. And I have stopped apologizing for it.

Also, I've learned that when things slide past a certain point, it's time to pick up the phone and make an appointment with somebody in the mental health field.

Anyway, that's my two cents worth. I hope you'll let us know how you're getting along.

[dazed-confused]

Thank you, this has helped settle me down a bit and given me direction.

I'm not seeing a psychologist - yet... But I have seen a family Dr (my family Doctor wasn't in), and she has given me a prescription, an emergency phone number, and a couple of places to look at for a psychologist.

I know there is no way to solve everything at once, and I know this wasn't an overnight development... For now - I'll be making calls on Monday, started taking the prescription, and I can reduce the caffeine intake.

For the moment, I'm just trying not to think about Monday and seeing my boss...

[catman]

Hi Dazed-confused,

I don't have much else to offer aside from agreeing with all the other advice already given, but I do want to add that you're not alone in feeling this way. It's not just a shy thing - I used to think that about myself all the time. When I find the right people (and I suspect you might feel the same way, even if you haven't met the right people yet), I open up and become far more talkative and enjoyable to be around. That being said, sometimes I get depressed or anxious, and I'm just NOT in a sociable mood. Even at the right people, I can lash out, be rude or insensitive, and feel like a complete a**. However, the beauty of that is the right people won't punish you for acting out when your depression, anxiety, or any other mental illness pops up. It took me a long time to accept that I have a mental illness and will have to find the best ways to cope with it for the rest of my life, but know there are people out there, even strangers like me, that want to listen and help in the small way we can. The people on this forum have already helped me so much in the short time I've known them, so I strongly recommend to post here when you feel like sharing. No one will judge you.

C.