Introducing myself as a newbie

[SilentSolace1]

Hi all, I’m new to these forums and I thought it might be a good place to find direct information and resources to help me to be better emotionally equipped to deal with my situation in life.

I am in my 30’s and I have social anxiety, PTSD, and I deal with loneliness and depression on a daily basis. I also deal with the difficulty of being the only deaf & hard of hearing person in a small ‘old school’ town of 4,000 people. On top of that, I also have an older brother with an undiagnosed mild form of Asperger’s syndrome with aggressive one-sided, negative cynical meltdowns – I also secretly suspect my mother has it as well, or maybe she fits more with having OCD; either-way, I suspect it must run in my family. It makes sense. Though I lucked out on just being born deaf and mentally strong so I don’t know if my deafness happened during pregnancy or when I was sick with a virus as a baby – maybe life in its twisted way, being deaf was a blessing in disguise as it saved me from having what my brother has, an invisible social barrier. I also have my own, but it can be seen publicly so I don’t know which is worse since I have a hearing device on the side of my head.

I’d been dealing with this living situation since 2009, and it just hasn’t gotten any easier so, my negative feelings have been getting stronger and I’m tempted to give up and give up as each day passes and I guess I’m realizing I’m at a point I could use some help or advices somehow. It’s a large problem I can’t tackle all at once, so I just know I have to deal with bettering my own life first. Or maybe I just need some support through this time until I can finally move out when I get a paying job in a bigger city, just go for a new life. It’s just tough… I’ve been living one day at a time, sometimes… even living 5 minutes at a time.

[catman]

Hi SilentSolace1, welcome to the forum. I don't have much input in me today, but I did read your post. One thing that strikes me is your comment about living 5 minutes at a time. Boy have I been there, and I feel for you. It's a tough way to live, but shows that you have tremendous strength and will to carry on (even if at times you don't feel that way). Sometimes that's all we can do to get through the looming feeling of defeat, but it's a great service to yourself to be gentle and do just as you say - 5 minutes at a time.

[AJ]

Welcome to the forum SilentSolace1. You have a lot on your plate. I can relate to 5 minutes at a time.

It may be worthwhile to check what resources are available in a larger community that could be of benefit to you, perhaps in a larger community close to you.

You'll find the people on this forum very supportive. Feel free to ask questions, share, or simply vent.

[paul m]

Hello SilentSolace1 and welcome. Having physical problems as well as mental illness is tough and living even 5 minutes at a time can be tough. I come from rural Ontario and unfortunately I'm fairly familiar with how people can be treated when they are viewed as different and/or come with a family from the wrong side of the tracks so to speak. Not that I think anyone comes from the wrong side of the tracks, but in a small place when one or two members are viewed as a bit different, sometimes the whole family can be viewed as different.

However you ask for advice and I can only give you what my personal experiences have been and they may be much different then your own. I was raised around people with serious physical problems that tended to stereotype them, so my viewpoint is different than many. Growing up my best friend body was severely misshaped due to a bout of polio. He too went through a lot of problems in early life, wasn't allowed to attend school, couldn't drive, never could get any dates until he was about 50, yet he had one of the sunniest dispositions I know. He did go through some bad bouts of depression when he was around 30, but he ended up enjoying life and moving into a small town (pop1100) where he made many friends due to his sunny disposition.

Also I had friends who could neither speak nor hear, but one of them was the best motor cycle mechanic I ever had and the other one was a great teammate to play hockey with and the life of a party.

All three of them shared the same point of view, if you don't like me and the way I am, that's your problem. All three of them went through tough times until they realized that their difficulties didn't define them. They each taught me a lot about perseverance and understanding.

I've my own share of problems and had (still have) a number of people that would cross the street rather than talk to me. I can't change the opinions of those who don't want to change, but I've found lot's of people who are willing to change their views when given a chance to understand.

Social anxiety is a real problem when trying to over come some of life's challenges. For about 2 yrs I didn't go out of the house unless absolutely necessary. However with the help of my doctor , some proper medication, the help of a peer support group and forums like this one, I eventually overcame some of my social anxiety problems. I won't lie and say that they are cured, but I do a lot more than I did even 5 yrs ago.

I'm not sure how much you know about social anxiety (in regards to causes and cures) but a good primer on it is https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/w...social-anxiety . I know the website is trying to sell their services, but you can ignore that part.

One other thing that is coming out more and more is that depression can drive social anxieties and/or social anxieties can make your depression worse and that often both of them need to be treated together in order for progress to be made.

Please feel free to ask questions, answer other people's questions and/or use the forum to vent out some of your frustrations. Take Care. paul m

[uni]

Hello and welcome SilentSolace1. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with, and my heart goes out to you. I too can relate to the 5 minutes at a time, day at a time etc. Small steps, I find, work best in the long run. I'm glad you've taken the step of posting here; that's a great start. We're all in this together!