how to grow again

[ossolot]

hullo,
i am new to this forum just wanted to find some place to get some additional help with my depressive symptoms.
it's weird i am really up right now so it is even hard to remember what it is like when i am down, but i know i will fall again and want to stay in bed for a couple days when i am down again. it does suck cause on the bad days i have trouble being in the world around people cause i feel worthless and like i have nothing to offer, also it feels like my memory is all gone on those days and that i am immensely dim witted and just cant think straight. a big thing i have been trying to figure out lately is why one of the most prominent thoughts i have when i feel depressed is an overwhelming sense of the futility of career. i hate working, even when the workplace is as good as it could be, i just hate the ****ing necessity of having to get up every day and forcing myself to be productive and make money so i can pay rent. I hate how hard it is to make ends meet. when i was little i thought i would freakin own the world, now i just want to be able to get by and i cant even have an impact on the world or stop bad things from happening. end rant. pardon the swears.

i wish i was idealistic and 21 again.

[AJ]

Hi ossolot. Rant anytime!

[paul m]

Hello Ossolot and welcome. One of the worse things about depression is that it tends to give us a negative viewpoint about ourselves, our lives and our surroundings. I find that it helps me when I remember that.

I could win a million bucks and be unhappy that I didn't win 2 million when I'm depressed. That tendency to have a negative outlook on everything is something that we often forget when we become depressed. We also tend to tend to forget that with a bit of luck our depression may be only temporary.

In regards to having an impact on the world or stop bad things from happening, who knows what impact you may have on the world some day. Take Care. paul m

[uni]

A belated welcome to the forum Ossolot