Hi Everyone, I'm Moralis,
This is only my second time posting to the forum, so please excuse me for just barging in and unloading my crisis... but it's been ongoing, it's about to boil to a head, and I simply don't know where else to turn. I'm probably not even posting to the proper type of forum as I believe the 'perceived mood disorders' I experience are most likely triggered by many years of untreated, unmedicated schizophrenia. 'In general terms', I'm commonly referred to as being agoraphobic because I've been reclusive and tend to put a great deal of effort into maintaining 100% privacy, seclusion and isolation, 100% of the time, with ZERO tolerance for physical social interaction with human beings. My thirst for absolute invisibility is so intense that it's actually become the most important thing to me... more important than life itself, which in turn makes it impossible to step away from, especially given the fact that I really have no genuine desire to do so. Those from the outside who may occasionally attempt to intervene are perceived as evasive and aggressive. They cause me a great deal of stress and anxiety which leads to depression, anger, rage and unpredictable behaviour. It seems these interveners are only wired to think one way... and forcefully attempt to smother me with unwanted attention because of their assumption that I must be lonely. They just don't seem to understand that I have never once experienced feelings of loneliness in my life, and can only find my happiness, focus, peace and contentment on the other side of that fence. Solitude IS my medicine.
Now with my prelude out of the way, I should probably get to the point of my post before anyone tries to analyze something other that what I'm here today to ask.
My crisis is that I most certainly will be forced to leave my long time safe location very soon, with absolutely nothing waiting for me on the outside. I'm about to lose everything I own, and have absolutely no plan as to where I'll be going. Homelessness seems to be the only default here... but we all know that a homeless person who avoids others at all cost, surely won't last very long out there. Yes, that's a grim scenario, but I'm actually more concerned about securing my belongings that I will need if I'm to keep going.
The first order of business and what I think I need most is medication... something that might allow me to tolerate society long enough to establish a bank account and come face to face with doctors and other professional help. I've become exhausted over the years running through lists of phone numbers that only get me further lists of phone numbers, which only get me further lists of phone numbers and line transfers to other departments which only put me back where I began. The crisis lines rush to end the call unless you fake a suicide attempt. Help lines want your name, address and health card number before knowing why you called. My family doctor has retired... and I don't believe I could get past a trip to the clinic, a reception desk and a waiting room without something really bad happening. I'd probably wind up getting gunned down by police or something if I stopped for a cup of coffee along the way. Conversation most often has a potential of going south very quickly.
PLEASE, if someone here knows of a qualified councilor who can start an immediate session with me online or over the phone and help get me some medicine, I would very kindly appreciate it. It may very well be the single greatest and most important thing anyone has ever done for me. I simply cannot think of anything else to do. This is it. All my cards are on the table right here.
Thanks for listening
~Moralis
This is only my second time posting to the forum, so please excuse me for just barging in and unloading my crisis... but it's been ongoing, it's about to boil to a head, and I simply don't know where else to turn. I'm probably not even posting to the proper type of forum as I believe the 'perceived mood disorders' I experience are most likely triggered by many years of untreated, unmedicated schizophrenia. 'In general terms', I'm commonly referred to as being agoraphobic because I've been reclusive and tend to put a great deal of effort into maintaining 100% privacy, seclusion and isolation, 100% of the time, with ZERO tolerance for physical social interaction with human beings. My thirst for absolute invisibility is so intense that it's actually become the most important thing to me... more important than life itself, which in turn makes it impossible to step away from, especially given the fact that I really have no genuine desire to do so. Those from the outside who may occasionally attempt to intervene are perceived as evasive and aggressive. They cause me a great deal of stress and anxiety which leads to depression, anger, rage and unpredictable behaviour. It seems these interveners are only wired to think one way... and forcefully attempt to smother me with unwanted attention because of their assumption that I must be lonely. They just don't seem to understand that I have never once experienced feelings of loneliness in my life, and can only find my happiness, focus, peace and contentment on the other side of that fence. Solitude IS my medicine.
Now with my prelude out of the way, I should probably get to the point of my post before anyone tries to analyze something other that what I'm here today to ask.
My crisis is that I most certainly will be forced to leave my long time safe location very soon, with absolutely nothing waiting for me on the outside. I'm about to lose everything I own, and have absolutely no plan as to where I'll be going. Homelessness seems to be the only default here... but we all know that a homeless person who avoids others at all cost, surely won't last very long out there. Yes, that's a grim scenario, but I'm actually more concerned about securing my belongings that I will need if I'm to keep going.
The first order of business and what I think I need most is medication... something that might allow me to tolerate society long enough to establish a bank account and come face to face with doctors and other professional help. I've become exhausted over the years running through lists of phone numbers that only get me further lists of phone numbers, which only get me further lists of phone numbers and line transfers to other departments which only put me back where I began. The crisis lines rush to end the call unless you fake a suicide attempt. Help lines want your name, address and health card number before knowing why you called. My family doctor has retired... and I don't believe I could get past a trip to the clinic, a reception desk and a waiting room without something really bad happening. I'd probably wind up getting gunned down by police or something if I stopped for a cup of coffee along the way. Conversation most often has a potential of going south very quickly.
PLEASE, if someone here knows of a qualified councilor who can start an immediate session with me online or over the phone and help get me some medicine, I would very kindly appreciate it. It may very well be the single greatest and most important thing anyone has ever done for me. I simply cannot think of anything else to do. This is it. All my cards are on the table right here.
Thanks for listening
~Moralis
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