Journaling. Do you do it and what do you do with them?

[Fighting back]

As the title says.

Journaling is quite effective therapy. Reading your own journals may give you fresh perspective, but what to do with your journals? Sometimes the contents may be harmful to others. Do you risk disclosure?

[AJ]

When I was in therapy for dealing with past traumatic events, I did a lot of journaling. My therapist faithfully read all of it. She has it in storage for me, in case I ever want to write a book she thought I should write. (Some of it I burned. It was cathartic). For me, hanging onto it felt like hanging on to the past. I probably won't ever tell that story in a book, although I might still write a book. Telling that story would hurt a lot of people, and there are some that are still in denial about what happened. I know of others that have written such books using an alias, but that would not be the way I would want it to be.

Writing did help a lot. It probably saved me when I was younger. I still write, but not as much as I used to. I find it helps to put things in perspective. I have also written many things that are hopeful. It's good to read them over when I'm not doing well.

I guess everyone has to decide whether to share their story, how and with who. I know some of what I have written would probably be helpful to others, but I probably would never share it because some of it would turn some people's world's upside down.

[uni]

Yes, I do journal and have done for many years, off and on, so have a lot of books to potentially incriminate me

I store them in an out of the way place, where any visitors won't see them. When I moved I went through some of my earliest journals and read every word. It was a bit like looking at old photographs in that they evoked a lot of emotions and reminiscing. It was also very time consuming, so I didn't do it all at once.

There were, sadly, many pages detailing the dark times I'd experienced. At the time, writing about them was one of the tools I used for staying alive. Some of those pages I ripped out with gusto, glad to have the episodes behind me; others I kept to remind myself of what I've been through and what can be learned from it. Happily, I also discovered that much of what I'd written was joyful, funny, touching, encouraging, or thought provoking. Those pages I have kept. At times I write about topics other than personal ones, so some entries referred to world events that are now history (eg. the destruction of the Berlin wall). I have kept those too.

However, there were certain entries I didn't want anyone to see for one reason or another, and I ripped those pages out. Some of the material would have been hurtful to others, and some brought back sad or upsetting memories I was ready to let go of. I burned all the ripped out pages. The rest I left intact and they are back in storage. At some point when the urge strikes I'll tackle them, too.

As "security" I have a pact with a person I trust (and who also journals) that when one of us dies, the other one will destroy the books without reading them . Granted, the plan isn't without flaws. For one thing, the journals of one of us will be left behind! And if we die at the same time, both our journals will be left behind! There is also nothing to ensure that the trusted person won't be able to help themselves and just *has* to read the other's journals! Hmm... maybe we need a pact of three people who never travel together on the same airplane

Part of me actually hopes somebody will read what I've written - to make me immortal I suppose . Maybe the journals could be of some use to others, you never know. But for now I keep them private, partly because, as AJ mentioned, they might provide material for a book (or even just an article or two). Long story short, I'm not ready to give them up yet.

Some other options include: put them in a safety deposit box if you have a large enough one and can afford the fees, or destroy the entries immediately or shortly after you've written them. I once ripped a letter up into tiny pieces and flushed it down the toilet. It took several flushes as I didn't want to plug anything up. Not something I'd recommend due to potential plumbing problems, but I was desperate that my not-tried-and-true-roommate didn't see it!

Do you risk disclosure?

As long as the journal remains in existence there is a possibility of disclosure. I for one have been willing to risk it, but I don't go asking for it. I think it comes down to the little voice inside each of us.

I don't know if any of this is of help, but there's my two cents worth.

[paul m]

Hello Fighting Back. I don't journal much , but as part of my therapy I do write down a lot of things, especially items that have made me angry or upset. I then destroy them right away.It seems to help.

You can get some pretty private journals on line these days. With some you can add pictures , keep several journals at once and search them through an index. Some are password protected and some have sophisticated full encryption . Some are free, but even the best ones are fairy inexpensive.

You can google "journaling on line". To get you started http://lifehacker.com/5975750/how-ca...journal-online
describes several types that you can use.

Of course if you are like me, I can never find what I want on my hard drive. Having to looking for my stuff in a cloud someplace with yet another password and an encryption key needed would just mean that, not only could nobody else read it, I probably would never be able to read it again either LOL. Take Care. paul m

[prairierose]

This is a long time after the original post, but yes, I journal...every day...and have since my diagnosis. I just felt it helpful to put things into perspective. I am religious, so for me it started out as a prayer journal with copious notes. I eventually found out about artist's "morning pages" - a term coined by Julia Cameron in her "The Artist's Way" book. And started keeping those. Eventually the morning pages became a full out journal.

I started keeping my prayer journals in hardbound notebooks. Morning pages were on loose leaf. But by the time I hit full out journal it was all on computer.

My eldest daughter has asked for my journals and sketchbooks should anything happen to me. I don't know. I read some of them from when I was psychotic and I couldn't string a coherent sentence together. That bothers me...embarrasses me really. So far I've kept them, but I don't know. Maybe I'll die before Hubby and he'll burn them. Might not be a bad idea!