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Memories of my first marriage is haunting me...

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    Memories of my first marriage is haunting me...

    Hey, I've been suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder for the past few years. An abusive relationship and divorce caused me this.
    He was the son of my dad's best friend, I know him for the past ten years, he was such a gem of a person, we thought his son too will be the same!
    We dated for a few weeks and then get married! I began to love him from my very first sight, nevertheless, he had another face!

    We lived together for just six months. Everything was going well until he started to use drugs. His drug addiction ruined my life! He was a well-settled young gentleman to the whole world but for me was an aggressive and abusive husband. I tried my level best to get him out of the drugs' world and I fought for our relationship. Several times, I attempted to fetch him to a rehabilitation centre. The more I try to change him the more physical harassment he made on me.
    Once he brought some of his friends home, one of them tried to sin to me right before his eyes. Instead of protecting, he was encouraging the offender! That was the last day we lived together! I left him. Even after then, he tried to convince me of his fake plays, but neither my parents nor my friends let me go with him. It has been 2 years since I got a divorce, but I haven't got over it yet.

    Whenever I go out with my friends to make myself up, I feel drained, emotional and scared when I see couples around! I can't attend marriages anymore, sometimes I find it is even difficult to talk with guys! For the past month, I haven't moved anywhere out, just sitting back at my bedroom all alone! My parents fetched me to a counsellor, from where I realized about the starting of my post-traumatic stress order. People who care for me, want me to go for post-traumatic stress disorder treatment, https://www.cognitivebehaviourtherap...ress-disorder/ (this is the clinic, if that matters!), but I'm not ready yet to get out of this. My trauma has become my favourite companion, I'm kind of addicted to this fear and loneliness!
    I do care for my parents, but not their decision, what should I do now? I only need a lesser of less human interaction, I'm afraid of breaking my comfort zone!

    #2
    Welcome to the forum Jovin.

    "I'm not ready yet to get out of this. My trauma has become my favourite companion, I'm kind of addicted to this fear and loneliness!". This is a good place to start a discussion with a therapist. You don't need to dive into the trauma until you're ready.

    I have had PTSD for many years. Those events in our lives stay with us. However we can learn to bring ourselves back to the present when something triggers memories and feelings of a past traumatic event. Life can go on.

    At some point in therapy I realized that the only way to have a present life was to work through the trauma of the past. The triggers still take me back, but I am much better able to bring myself back to the here and now, and carry on with the day at hand.
    AJ

    Humans punish themselves endlessly
    for not being what they believe they should be.
    -Don Miguel Ruiz-

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      #3
      Hello Jovin and welcome. My PTSD is only very faint now. I no longer blame myself. I still have the occasional bad day. I can't imagine going through life un treated This was not intended as a criticism as everybody is different. and responds differently to their situation.

      I know many people who have thrived just fine after treatment and I also now a few people for whom the illness is a constant battle. Sorry that I can't give you a better answer. Take Care. paul m
      "Alone we can do so little;
      Together we can do so much"
      Helen Keller

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